Tag Archives: pool

Drake & Josh – “Pool Shark”

Billiards movies and TV episodes are replete with shrewd, cunning hustlers: “Fast Eddie” Felson (The Hustler), Johnny Doyle (Poolhall Junkies), Nick Casey (The Baltimore Bullet), Kitty Montgomery (Dharma & Greg – “Do the Hustle”), even Mr. Ed (Mr. Ed – “Ed the Pool Player”).

But, the uninitiated, unknowing and unwilling hustler is a far less common trope within the genre. Until a couple of days ago, the only example that came to mind was Chow Siu-Ling, the naïve man-child played by Stephen Chow in the 1991 Hong Kong film Legend of the Dragon. In that movie, Siu-Ling is a snooker prodigy who his cousin Yan stake-horses (without Siu-Ling’s knowledge) to pay off Yan’s gambling debts. Once Siu-Ling catches wind of his cousin’s hustling plot, he becomes quickly traumatized and unable to play the sport.

Sure enough, no inane plotline stays retired for long in the world of entertainment. Thirteen years after the release of Legend of the Dragon, the dewy-eyed, nescient hustler returns, this time in the form of the socially inept high-school student Josh Nichols. Played by Josh Peck, Nichols was one half of the titular duo in Drake & Josh, the Nickelodeon sitcom that ran for four seasons from 2004 to 2007. His conniving, but immature, stepbrother, Drake Parker (played by Drake Bell), was the other half.

In the 2004, Season 2 “Pool Shark” episode of Drake & Josh, Drake learns that Josh is a pool powerhouse when he is forced to bring him on as a partner in a game of doubles. Josh’s secret: “It’s just basic geometry and physics.” Drake quickly hatches a plan to exploit Josh’s skills and hustle all the local denizens by first duping Josh to publicly throw a game to a “bunch of losers.” Once people start lining up to play, Drake encourages Josh to “show ‘em what he got,” but conceals from Josh he’s swindling the opponents at twenty dollars per game. (For some reason, even after Josh makes a series of impressive caroms and multi-ball shots, no one wises up to the fact that they may be getting hustled.)

The plan predictably falls apart when Josh inadvertently learns that Drake has been “playing for profit,” rather than to “hang out and have fun.” Even when Drake tries to make amends by buying Josh a cue stick or tantalizing him with a rack of oranges, Josh refuses to resume playing, retorting, “Keep your citrus to yourself.” Josh, however, gets his revenge in the end when [SPOILER ALERT!] he enlists two former counselors to dress up as pool-playing roughnecks (?!) and threaten Drake into promising to disavow his hustling ways.

For a pretty lame billiards TV episode, there are a handful of impressive (but not overly showy) billiards shots. In an interview years later, the actor Josh Peck responding to a question about his pool ability by revealing, “I’m an awful pool player. I’m terrible at table sports – pool, table tennis. I’m pretty amazing at chess, but thank god for TV magic.”

Jan McWorter

That “TV magic” was, in fact, the handiwork of Jan McWorter, now best associated with McWorter Cues. She was the billiards consultant for the “Pool Shark” episode. McWorter’s story is an interesting one. First introduced to pool at the age of nine, she began playing competitive billiards in 1985 but quickly got tired of life on the road. Looking to change her life, she met Robin (Dodson) Bell, the world champion pool player and – yes!! – the mother of Drake Bell (from Drake & Josh). McWorter moved in with the Bell family in 1987 and became a born-again Christian. She subsequently returned to billiards two and a half years later, eventually becoming a top ranked WPBA player in 1993 and later becoming active in commercials, movies, television shows, and pool exhibitions.

This all begs the question whether it could have been Drake Bell making the pool shots in “Pool Shark” instead of Josh Peck. After all, there is a Drake Bell cue stick. And that’s no hustle.

The full “Pool Shark” episode of Drake & Josh is available to watch here.

Shotgun Slade – “The Pool Shark”

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The American Western television series Shotgun Slade came out in 1959, widely recognized as the peak year for television westerns, with 26 such shows airing during prime-time. While it only lasted two years, Shotgun Slade differentiated itself from the herd by having the show’s star, Scott Brady, portray a private detective (rather than a gunfighter or sheriff) who carried an intimidating (and unique on TV) customized shotgun that fired a 12-gauge shell out of its upper barrel and a 35-caliber bullet from its lower register. The series also featured a modern jazz score by Stanley Wilson instead of traditional Western-themed music.

Since Shotgun Slade went off the air in 1961, several home entertainment companies have tried to resurrect interest in the show. Echo Bridge (formerly the Platinum Disc Corporation) released a total of 15 episodes in 2004. Timeless Media followed in 2007 by releasing 10 episodes on DVD, almost all of them duplicative with the Echo Bridge series. Finally Alpha Home Entertainment jumped on the bandwagon in 2009, releasing a 3-DVD series of 12 episodes, again almost repetitive.

Yet, with all of these releases, not one included “The Pool Shark,” a February 1960 billiards episode from the first season of Shotgun Slade. Fortunately, an avid reader of this blog shared with me his private recording of the episode.

Lamentably, it’s a pretty unremarkable episode 🙁 . On his way home, Slade visits a local inn, where he is invited by Jim Dooley, a traveling shoe salesman, to play billiards. Dooley is a bit of a hustler, who’s known to have a few enemies. As Dooley is about to make a three ball run against Slade, he shoots the 8-ball, which explodes and kills him. The rest of the episode is dedicated to Slade trying to solve the mystery of Dooley’s murder.

Hardly memorable, “The Pool Shark” may, however, have been historic: to my knowledge, it is the first television Western episode to focus on billiards. But, it was not the last Western to highlight billiards on the TV screen or the silver screen.

One year later, the television series The Rifleman featured a billiards episode called “Shattered Idol.” The stakes got significantly higher, and the billiards playing got far more innovative, in the 1967 “The Lady is My Wife” episode from Bob Hope Presents the Chrysler Theatre. In that episode, a gambler puts up his wife as the stake in a contest with a cowboy who wants to marry her. The contest is a pool game played on horseback inside the cowboy’s baronial mansion.

One year later, both the film Coogan’s Bluff featured cowboy Clint Eastwood in a well-known battle scene with cue sticks and billiard balls, and the Eli Wallach Western Ace High had cowboys playing billiards on horses. Returning to television, the popular Western series Gunsmoke aired a 1974 billiards episode called “Cowtown Hustler.” Several years later, James Caan showed his equestrian billiards skills in Another Man, Another Chance. Finally, in 1984, the Mexican film La Muerte cruzó el río Bravo reprised the horseback billiards concept as shown here (starting at 10:51).

Shooting Gallery

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Talk about a monte that is just plain jecka. Like sugar, honey, iced, tea. Are you smelling what I’m stepping in?

Actually, I hope you don’t step in it. I hope you run from it.

Because this sort of exaggerated slang is just one of the many problems with the 2005 straight-to-video billiards movie Shooting Gallery (aka Poolhall Prophets). Aspiring to be some mash-up between The Hustler and The Sting, Shooting Gallery tries to generate credibility by overindulging in the argot of pool hustlers and con artists. But, 30% of the lingo is made-up (according to the special feature), and the remaining 70% is so forced, it feels like the director/writer Keoni Waxman was double-dared to make every fifth word some form of billiards slang. Even worse, Waxman lacks the confidence to let the script breathe meaning into the words, and instead resorts to a cheap bit of opening credit hokum by literally showing translations of the jargon (e.g., “on the lemon” = playing bad on purpose; “shortstop” = local player; “cecil” = $100; etc.).

If the pool patois were the only problem in Shooting Gallery, maybe the monte (= movie) would be passable. Unfortunately, the entire 102 minutes is mos def (= most definitely) jecka ( = terrible). Behind the horrible dialogue is nonsensical story about Jericho Hudson (Freddie Prinze Jr, whose acting in this film makes Keanu Reeves appear Oscar-worthy), a street-smart pool player, who falls in with the Tribe, a New Orleans gaggle of hustlers, led by Cue Ball Carl Bridgers (Ving Rhames), a chicken-foot sucking, 8-ball cane-wielding kingpin. Each Tribe member is tattooed with an 8-ball, which makes beaucoup (= lots of) sense, given they are supposed to be incognito 9-ball hustlers.

Jericho quickly rises through the ranks of the Tribe; his success driven by his gift for hustling 9-ball and his ability to say with a straight face craptacular (= awful) dialogue, such as, “I was a hustler with a goal, which would make either happy or dead.” His one weakness seems to be Jezebel Black (Roselyn Sanchez), who “looked like two scoops of ice cream on a warm summer day.” (So that means what exactly…?)

Jericho gets himself into some trouble when he tries to hustle on the side. Jezebel gets herself into some trouble when she can’t pay off her gambling debts to ex-NFL great Bill Romanowksi. People keep getting hustled at the Shooting Gallery, a billiards hall run by Cue Ball Carl and widely and illogically known as a hustler’s paradise. A corrupt cop shows up with a need to set up a 9-ball game against Cue Ball Carl so he can retrieve a video cassette, the maguffin of the film. A coked-up crackshot named Tenderloin Tony appears, but is then killed. Some pool is played, but not that much. More idiotic dialogue is sputtered (“If I’m lying, I’m dying. – Jericho Hudson).

None of this make a lick of sense. Shooting Gallery plays like a string of two-bit hustling clichés strung together by poor acting and middle school dialogue. As I said at the start, this film is sugar, honey, iced, tea (= S.H.I.T.).

Shooting Gallery is widely available to rent or purchase online.

Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet – “Pool Table”

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Billiards has always been about more than shooting balls into pockets. In television dramas, the pool hall is often the milieu, and the pool match a metaphor, for determining one’s future existence and ability to live (e.g., Quantum Leap – “Pool Hall Blues”; Twilight Zone – “A Game of Pool”; Monsters – “Pool Sharks”).

In billiards TV sitcoms, one’s life may not quite so much hang in the balance (this is comedy, after all), but the pool match nonetheless remains the arbiter of the future. Just consider Ralph Kramden’s error in judgment when he upsets Harvey on the pool table (The Honeymooners – “The Bensonhurst Bomber”) or cadet Francis’ grudge match against Commandant Spangler (Malcolm in the Middle – “Waterpark”) or Oscar Madison’s desperate match to save the reputation of his roommate Felix Unger (The Honeymooners – “The Hustler”).

Billiards life was not always so complicated. Billiards matches were not always about losing your car (Dharma & Greg – “Do the Hustle”), or your money (Family Matters – “Fast Eddie Winslow”) or your job (Mr. Belvedere – “Tornado”).

Almost sixty years ago, the most complicated decision one faced when it came to billiards was where to put the pool table. At least, that’s the premise of the utterly domestic billiards TV episode “Pool Table” (November, 1956) from the fifth season of that quintessentially wholesome sitcom, The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet.

As many will recall, Ozzie and Harriet, which aired from 1952-1966, making it still the longest-running live action American sitcom in television history, focused on the daily living of the real-life Nelson family (Ozzie, Harriet, and their two sons, Ricky and David). The show’s plotlines focused on typical problems around dating, marriage, and careers.

In “Pool Table,” which you can watch here in its entirety, the original problem is not the pool table, but that Ricky has too much clutter in his room, so he doesn’t have space to complete his homework. Ozzie’s initial solution to buy the kids filing cabinets is shelved when he instead buys a pool table from the local department store. “They were all out of filing cabinets, so I got a pool table instead,” explains Ozzie.

http://youtu.be/fIOSKETzyBI

Harriet’s surprise turns to disapproval when Ozzie temporarily sets up the pool table in the family room. Ozzie’s retort, “What are we going to do with it? Well, isn’t that just like a woman,” doesn’t ameliorate the situation. Thus begins the pool table’s peregrination from the dining room to the kitchen to the garage to the outside yard. Everyone is temporarily happy when Ozzie’s neighbor, Thorny, volunteers to keep it his in rumpus room, but that plan is quickly reversed once Ozzie realizes his neighbor is not home enough to let him access it.

Running out of rooms, Ozzie enlists the support of his kids to jerry-rig a pulley system and haul the pool table up three stories to locate it in the attic via the outdoor window. This solution seems to be perfect, until the weight of the pool table causes its legs to crash through the attic floor and into the kids’ bedroom.

But, this being 1956, and the benefit of household cleanliness far outweighing the morbid likelihood of the rest of the pool table falling from its perch and crushing the kids, the decision is made to use the space between the protruding pool legs as a makeshift shelf, thereby enabling the kids to remove their clutter…which solves the original problem! And, for added giggles, the kids can still play pool upstairs, just now on their knees. As I said, life was much simpler back then.

Extended Rest (in production)

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A guy walks into a snooker club. He sees two elderly gentlemen at a nearby table. One of the men is partially sighted, the other largely deaf.

If you’re waiting for the punch line, this is no joke. Quite the contrary, this was part of the impetus behind Oliver Crocker’s decision to make Extended Rest, a new snooker film currently in production, which tells the story of a retired professional player, who tries to make a comeback in his sixties.

It’s been almost 30 years since the British “snooker movie boom,” which included the deplorable Number One (1984), the campy musical Billy Kid and the Green Baize Vampire (1985), and the laudable BBC series Give Us a Break (1983). Since that heyday, some snooker short films (e.g., Snooker (2000)) and the Big Break game show have surfaced, and Hong Kong entered the market with the movie Legend of the Dragon (1991) featuring Jimmy White, and the television series The King of Snooker (2009), but it’s otherwise been a barren cinematic wasteland for the sport of snooker.

Mr. Crocker seeks to change that with Extended Rest, starring Tony Osoba (from the BBC sitcom Porridge, as well as Give Us a Break) as Terry “the Grenade” Kincaid, who returns to the green baize after the death of his wife. Though a lengthy email exchange, Mr. Crocker opened up to me about the origins of the movie, his personal connections to snooker, his good fortune to cast snooker legend Neal Foulds, and his timeline for getting the film in front of audiences. The following are excerpts from that exchange:

Why did you decide to make this movie?

Tony Osoba practicing

“I’ve wanted to make a snooker movie for about 10 years… [Tony Osoba and I] play at the Twickenham Club and we mused to the owners the idea of making a film there and they have been terrific support, out of this world… When you think of some of the all-time great snooker matches, they often play out like a movie script…People are easy to criticize snooker, calling it boring. I think they’re barmy, it’s drama and skill of the highest order.”

What is your personal connection to snooker?

“I’ve watched snooker with my Dad all of my life, both on the telly and live at The Crucible and Wembley…We had a miniature table at home and he would play me as soon as he got home from work, as long as I’d done all my homework. I used to play both of my Grandads too, treasured memories… [I also] have many happy memories at school of playing snooker with my friends.

I was lucky enough to interview both Ali Carter and Jimmy White for the “This Morning” program on ITV (my day job) for our Male Cancer Awareness Week. I’ve interviewed Tom Cruise, Madonna, Jason Statham… but trust me, I was more nervous and excited about meeting Jimmy and Ali – and they were both absolute gentlemen, really good fun, generous with their time and I got to film them both practice, which was a thrill. So snooker is a massive part of my life and I’m grateful for it.”

How much snooker should viewers expect to see?

“There are four matches and a healthy amount of practice sessions. Tony Osoba has been working very hard on his practice. Tony plays every shot in the film himself. We’ve got some great out-takes along the way too. “

How did you get Neal Foulds, who once was the third best snooker player in the world, to appear in Extended Rest?

Oliver Crocker and Neal Foulds

“Tony Osoba and Shirin Taylor (our leading lady) had met working on the BBC’s snooker series Give Us a Break. The snooker coach on this series was Geoff Foulds, Neal’s Dad, who taught Tony how to play snooker, the right stance etc. So I tweeted Neal Foulds one day to tell him about the film. Neal recalled meeting Tony during the filming of Give Us a Break and said that Extended Rest sounded fun. So I asked him if he would consider making a cameo. I sent him the opening twenty minutes of the film, where there is a climactic battle on the baize between Terry Kincaid and Alec Slater. Because this is Terry’s first match against an opponent since retiring, in his head he returns to his glory days of walking out to the sound of applause, after an introduction from an MC and then during the match, he imagines hearing commentary from Foulds.

Neal agreed, and he came down to ITV, where I work, and recorded his commentary. We chatted for ages before we recorded, he is such a friendly guy, great sense of humor and he seemed to like the fact that I knew my stuff about snooker. I had [even] used some of his comments from real matches in the script.”

How long do audiences have to wait until they can see Extended Rest?

“We are filming in four mini blocks…By the end of August, we’ll have filmed half of the film. The opening twenty minutes of the film is complete – all edited, graded and scored…The final filming block is scheduled for November this year, so the release will be 2015, when exactly I don’t know, but it will be exciting to find out!”

Mr. Crocker has called Extended Rest his “love letter to snooker.” Frankly, he had me when the guy walked into the snooker club. We’ve waited 30 years. We can certainly wait another 6-12 months.

To keep up with the progress of Extended Rest, follow the director (@olivercrocker) and the film (@Extended_Rest) on Twitter.

Top 10 Cartoon Cue Stick Carriers

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Recently, I stumbled across the cover of a 1967 Beetle Bailey comic book featuring Private Beetle Bailey in one of his many ongoing efforts to taunt, tease, and rattle Sergeant Orville Snorkel, this time as he attempts to play pool. Looking at Mort Walker’s snaggle-toothed military man set up his shot, it made me wonder how many other cartoon and animated characters played billiards. While the list below is far from comprehensive, it is my attempt to list the TOP 10 CARTOON (AND ANIMATED) CUE STICK CARRIERS. Let the countdown begin:

10. Pinocchio. Gepetto may be harboring some regrets now that the Blue Fairy has breathed some life into his wooden puppet Pinocchio. In the 1940 film Pinocchio, the path to becoming a real boy is littered with distractions, including playing pool with the delinquent Lampwick and taking deep drags on fat cigars. My advice: keep listening to your “conscience” Jiminy Cricket…except when it comes to shooting billiards. For that, better to listen to Lampwick. He’s quite the shark!

9. Pat & Mat. In the 1994 “Billiard” episode of the Czech stop-motion animated series Pat & Mat, the two handymen are determined to play a game destíkový carambol, which is Czech for “tenfold carom,” a variation of the carom billiards game four-ball. However, a faulty table leg dooms the game to one Rube Goldbergian solution after another, with balls eventually falling down the toilet and exploding in the fireplace.

8. Casper. It’s hard to believe the Friendly Ghost could hold a cue stick, never mind make three balls in the same shot, but apparently that’s what this affable phantasm is capable of, according to this 1958 comic book. The jury is still out whether being able to float through a table is a true advantage. He did scratch, after all.

7. Woody Woodpecker. The anthropomorphic avian with the annoying laugh is a long-time pool player, based on the 2002 “Cue the Pool Shark” episode of The New Woody Woodpecker Show. Facing off against his nemesis Buzz Buzzard, Woody manages to outplay the cheater with a series of gravity-defying trick shots.

6. Rainbow Fish. In the 2000 “Pool Shark” episode of Rainbow Fish, Chomper’s cousin Slick is visiting Neptune’s Bay, where he likes to hang at Wanda’s Café, which has a new pool table. The piscine pool player dazzles initially, causing Rainbow to swear his allegiance as a personal assistant and blow off his other friends. But, apparently his game is more cheating than skills, causing one to question the real upside of playing with flippers.

5. Captain America. DC and Marvel collide in the pool hall, as America’s #1 Freedom Fighter temporarily puts down his shield and picks up his cue stick. Unfortunately, he might have been a little too distracted by Rogue in her thigh-highs, as he ends up knocking over the Man of Steel’s drink. Major pool faux pas…but then judging by Cap’s stance and grip, billiards was never really his game.

4. Tom & Jerry. Viewers of Tom & Jerry will recall that these two animals can really brawl. In the 1950 episode “Cue Ball Cat,” the battle takes place in a pool hall. Over the course of seven minutes, Tom torments Jerry with a variety of billiards shots that leave him spinning, reeling, running, chalked, and even imprinted (temporarily, of course) with an 8-ball on the backside. Jerry, never one to back down from the big kitty, fights back, batting billiards balls into Tom’s eyes, shooting the bridge like an arrow into Tom’s mouth, and fooling Tom into swallowing seven balls.

3. Fred Flintstone. “Twinkletoes” may be well-known for his bowling and golf games, but the famous caveman of bedrock also had a real talent for pool, even with slightly crooked sticks and uneven billiards balls. Flintstone showed off his skills in the 1960 Flintstones episode, “At the Races,” as he and his BFF Barney Rubble hatch a get-rich-quick scheme that involves owning a pool hall.

2. Death Billiards. For real high-stakes billiards, check out the “death match” between the young and old man in the 2013 anime film Death Billiards. These two have been brought to a bar to compete in a game of billiards and to “play as if their lives depended on it.” While it’s unclear who actually wins the game, let’s just say one should never play pool with balls that are adorned with images of body parts.

1. Donald Duck. Even if his game is not great, Donald ultimately develops the best attitude about billiards, learning to appreciate the games for its mathematical beauty in the 1957 featurette Donald in Mathmagic Land. With the Spirit providing the educational commentary on the diamond system and an unidentified Roman Yanez providing the incredible three-cushion billiards visuals, this duck is well on his way to becoming a shark.

So, there’s my Top 10 list. Just don’t let that Wascally Wabbit know he didn’t make the cut. I hear once he puts down the carrot and picks up the cue stick, he’s quite the pro. See a character missing? Let me know who would be on your Top 10.

Mr. Belvedere – “Tornado”

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Bob Uecker is affectionately known as “Mr.Baseball,” a moniker given to him by Johnny Carson. The sobriquet fits well, as Uecker not only played professional baseball for six years, but also was a colorful commentator for network broadcasts and has been the play-by-play radio announcer for the Milwaukee Brewers for more than 40 years.

Actually, Uecker’s affinity for sports extends well beyond baseball. He started playing basketball in eighth grade. He appeared in a series of commercials for the Milwaukee Admirals of the American Hockey League. He hosted a historic 1984 tennis match between Kenny Rogers and Bobby Riggs for his show War of the Stars. He even was the ring announcer for the famous WrestleMania III match between Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant.

However, one sport Uecker has little, if any, connection to is billiards. (Well, that excludes him hosting a 1986 episode of Bob Uecker’s Wacky World of Sports which featured a pool-playing poodle.) So, that made it just a bit disappointing to watch him in the Season 2 episode of Mr. Belvedere entitled “Tornado.”

Mr. Belvedere was an ABC sitcom that ran from 1985 to 1990. Based on the 1947 novel Belvedere, the series featured a posh housekeeper, Lynn Belvedere (Christopher Hewitt), who struggles to adapt to Owens household. Uecker plays the patriarch of the family, sportswriter George Owens.

In the October 1985 “Tornado” episode, a tornado strikes the town of Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania, where the Owens family resides. Taking the necessary safety measures, the entire family retreats to the basement. But the close quarters only exacerbate the brewing tension between George and Mr. Belvedere. That tension gets channeled toward the pool table, where George challenges Mr. Belvedere to a 100-point game of straight pool.

Unfortunately, no imagination is given to the filming of the pool game. In comparison to other billiards sitcom episodes like The Brady Bunch – “The Hustler” or The Steve Harvey Show – “Pool Shark Git Bit,” the shots in “Tornado” are all incredibly basic and unoriginal. Sprinkled between the shots is some studio audience-friendly, G-rated banter, such as George saying to Mr. Belvedere, “Have a seat Fats, I could be here for a while,” or Mr. Belvedere’s reply when George misses, “Tough stuff, cream puff.”

The Owens’ kids seem to interpret this exchange of taunts as a sign that Mr. Belvedere’s future employment may be in question. But, with one point remaining and with the 8-ball balanced on the edge of the far corner pocket, the tornado strikes the Owen house, forcing the game to end and the men to go into a protective huddle and set aside their differences.

A clip from Mr. Belvedere – “Tornado” episode is available to watch below:

Ironside – “Side Pocket”

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Having watched incredible footage of World Wheelchair Pool Champion Fred Dinsmore, I was rather hopeful when I learned there was a billiards episode, “Side Pocket,” from Ironside, the ground-breaking, late-60s television series that starred Raymond Burr as the paraplegic, wheelchair-bound Chief of Detectives Robert Ironside. Perhaps Ironside, normally depicted relying solely on logic and reasoning to solve criminal cases, would showcase some hidden billiards talents as part of his crime-solving efforts.

Unfortunately, and notwithstanding the misleading picture to the left, the 1968, season 2 episode left Ironside to his usual sedentary crime-solving, albeit his office houses a beautiful table.

Instead, the episode focuses on Tim Patterson, a pool hustler who is ready to turn in his cue stick in exchange for the opportunity to pursue an engineering degree at Carnegie Tech. Tim asks Ironside for a letter of recommendation, but then inexplicably agrees to a high-stakes game against Money Howard (Jack Albertson), a legendary billiards champion.

It turns out Tim’s brother, Bobby, is in serious debt to Vance, a local mobster. Tim beats Money Howard, suspiciously winning $2000, but causing his brother to go further into debt to Vance for mistakenly betting against Tim. It’s at this point that Tim decides to continue hustling, rather than go to college. Such an about-face prompts Ironside and his entire team to investigate.

Ironside soon learns that Vance is now stake-horsing Tim. Says Vance, “I got the kid who beat Money Howard. I got tournaments lined up across the country. I got tie-ins with pool table companies, billiards ball companies, cue stick companies.”

Ironically, Ironside never seems too concerned that Tim may be in grave danger, working for a mobster. Instead, Ironside’s primary concern is that Tim is forsaking his chance to go to college and continuing a career in hustling, a no-good, amoral lifestyle, in which one “lives in hotels, sleeps all day, smells of stale cigar smoke [and] hops from town to town, looking for suckers.”

The storyline doesn’t make a ton of sense. And the pool-playing is rather laughable, given Money Howard is supposed to be “the greatest pool player in the world…correction…the greatest pool hustler in the world.” At least Howard is played very well by veteran stage actor Jack Albertson, who ironically, had also played a pool hustler in the Gunsmoke episode “Cowtown Hustler.” (But even that acting had limited joy, as I couldn’t disassociate Albertson from his subsequent portrayal of that famous octogenarian, Grandpa Joe, from Willie Wonka & the Chocolate Factory.)

In the end, the best part of this episode may have been Quincy Jones’ opening synthesizer theme, which Quentin Tarantino smartly appropriated for Kill Bill. But, then, you didn’t really need a billiards episode to appreciate that.

The Ironside episode “Side Pocket” is available to watch on Hulu Plus.

Who’s the Boss? – “The Two Tonys”

As the historian George Fels referenced in an article for Billiards Digest, some celebrities aren’t just acting…they really can shoot a mean game of pool: James Caan (Cinderella Liberty). Jerry Orbach (Law & Order). Montgomery Clift (A Place in the Sun). Don Adams (Get Smart – “Dead Spy Scrawls”). Fred Astaire. W.C. Fields (Pool Sharks). Jack Klugman (Twilight Zone – “A Game of Pool”).

To that esteemed list, we must add Tony Danza, the star of the Emmy Award and Golden Globe Award-winning sitcom Who’s the Boss? Running from 1984-1992, the series featured Danza as retired and widowed major league baseball player Tony Micelli, who relocates to suburban Connecticut and gets a job as a live-in housekeeper for divorced advertising executive Angela Bower (Judith Light).

As we learn in the 1988 Season 4 Who’s the Boss? episode, “The Two Tonys,” Tony can not only play baseball, but also shoot billiards. The set-up is that Tony takes to Angela to Marty’s Melody Room for a particular dining experience, when he runs into Darlene, an old flame, who has since married another Tony. This second Tony (‘Tony 2’) has lived in the shadow of Tony Micelli ever since. “I’ve been chasing the myth,” says Tony 2.

Attempting to debunk Tony, Tony 2 challenges him to a 100-point game of straight pool. Tony, allegedly an exceptional pool player, acquiesces to Angela’s request that he “throw the game,” an idea verboten in Tony’s competitive world, so that Tony 2’s ego won’t be further damaged.

The match starts off reasonably well, with Tony winning Angela’s appreciation as he intentionally flubs shots. (“What you’re doing is for the greater good,” Angela says to Tony. He replies, “Yeah, they’re going to name a church after me.”) But, as Tony 2 creeps closer to victory, his taunts and braggadocio get more extreme. (“You need to clean this table and the next one. Of course, all that cleaning shouldn’t be too difficult for a housekeeper.”)

Eventually, and staring at a 21-point deficit, Tony can no longer constrain his skill or contain his anger. Chalking up to George Thorogood’s billiards anthem “Bad to the Bone” (which, of course, featured pool god Willie Mosconi in the memorable music video), Tony goes on a streak, pocketing one ball after another, until they are tied at 99 points. Tony is then faced with “an impossible [cut] shot” (in which the object ball is frozen on the middle of the far rail). He misses, giving Tony 2 an easy shot to win the game and walk out with his ego and wife in tow.

But, with Tony 2 gone, it is revealed that Tony actually threw the game (as originally instructed), for the shot was not impossible, as he proves moments later when he makes the exact same shot for Angela’s bemusement. Which brings us back to Tony Danza, who clearly knows enough about billiards, English, and backspin, to make the incredible (and very difficult) shot. Nice cut, Tony.

The full episode is shown here:

Sharks Web Series

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In last week’s post on the billiards movie Legend of the Dragon, I highlighted the creative casting of snooker sensation Jimmy White as the primary nemesis in the film. Mr. White has almost no lines in the movie, but he lights up each of his scenes because he is prominently featured doing what he does best: shooting snooker. His on-screen time is mesmerizing as a result. It helps that the movie stars veteran Hong Kong comedic actor Stephen Chow and is directed by Danny Lee, who has worked in film with iconic director John Woo.

In stark comparison is the Sharks web series, which is set around billiards and shot at Amsterdam Billiards & Bar in New York City. Filmed and released throughout 2012, the series consisted of 21 episodes, each 7-17 minutes in length, and featured an all-star cast of female billiards professionals, including Jennifer Barretta (“Ann”), Borana Andoni (“Kelsey”), and Caroline Pao (“Samantha”). Many other notable players make cameos.

The problem, however, is that billiards is only tangentially relevant to the overall storyline, which is about betrayal, jealousy, deception, and winning, and reads like a poorly-stitched collection of inane dialogue from amateur, hackneyed soap operas. With talent like Ms. Barretta, Ms. Boroni, and Ms. Pao, the fundamental want is to see them play pool, not watch them try to act their way through lamentable scenes of late-night dinners, exercise workouts, urban strolls, and domestic violence. (Ms. Barretta seems to have unfortunately stumbled into the casting niche of abused pool player, given her similar role in the 2012 billiards film 9-Ball.)

It also doesn’t help that the production value is god-awful. Created, directed and produced by Jim Murnak, the gifted craftsman behind Murnak custom cue cases, Sharks is rife with cheap green-screen production, bad audio dubbing and background noises, amateur editing, ill camera direction choices, unnecessary montages, prop gaffes (i.e., Jennifer Barretta’s character Ann wearing a “Jennifer” necklace in Episode 6) and an over-reliance on music.

Fortunately, most of the episodes include, albeit jarringly and poorly edited, a billiard scene. Those scenes are the hallmark of Sharks. For example, Episode 6 (shown below) includes Mika “The Iceman” Immonen, a past winner of both the WPA World Nine-Ball and World Ten-Ball Championships, schooling an out-of-towner in nine-ball with a dazzling display of pool prowess. (Humorously, the out-of-towner is played by Carl Yusuf Khan, a well-known pool player.)

Similarly, Episode 3 features the incredibly sexy Yomaylin Feliz hustling a local yokel. She makes some incredible shots, even if they are unfortunately interspersed between some dreadful third-grade banter.

One of my favorite sequences was from Episode 2, watching Jennifer Barretta and Borana Andoni’s compete in nine-ball. I chose to ignore the purpose of the match, which was to see who would ‘win the boyfriend,’ and instead focused on the beautiful safety shots, trick shots, and cuts made expertly by both players. Ms. Andoni also has a wonderful straight pool sequence in Episode 5. And Ms. Barretta is elegant in her execution of the nine ball “L Drill” in Episode 6.

In short, so long as Sharks lets the players shoot billiards, there is beauty to behold. But, whenever that pool is suffocated by the bad dialogue, acting, and production, the series suffers to an unwatchable level. That’s why the scene with Mr. Immonen is so rich. Like Jimmy White in Legend of the Dragon, it’s just a master with his cue stick, doing only what he does best: shooting pool.

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Tag Archives: pool

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