Tag Archives: pool hustler

The Baltimore Bullet

It could have been so much better.

That’s my seven-word summary of The Baltimore Bullet, a 1980 billiards movie, directed by Robert Ellis Miller, that blatantly cribs from The Hustler, without providing any of that film’s richness and depth.

First, let’s start with the major league cast. The billiards movie stars impeccably-coifed tough guy James Coburn as Nick Casey (aka “The Baltimore Bullet”), past Oscar nominee Omar Sharif as “The Deacon” (the Minnesota Fats equivalent), and past Oscar nominee Ronee Blakley as Carolina Red. So why couldn’t this talented trio breathe life into this tepid film?

Next, let’s turn to the pool.  The opening sequence (shown below) of multiple trick shots, made by pool legend Mike Sigel, according to his official website, is off the hook. And Sigel is but one of nearly a dozen pool greats who appear in the film.  Others include Willie Mosconi, Steve Mizerak, Jimmie Mataya, Lou Butera, Irving D. Crane, Allen Hopkins, Pete Margo, Ray Martin, James Rempe, and Richie Florence.

 

 

On top of that, the movie is located in New Orleans (my favorite city of all time and where I spent countless evenings shooting stick), and features an extended funeral procession second line from the legendary Olympia Brass Band.

It should have been so much better.

Unfortunately, great cast + great pool players + great location does NOT make a great billiards movie. After the first 30 minutes, the film sags under its own weight of contrived subplots, including random gangsters, a moronic hitman, and a senseless romance.

Finally, the true kiss of death for this movie is the final scene.  Even amateur students of pool movies know it ends with the final showdown.  Think Fast Eddie Felson and the Fat Man (in The Hustler).   Think Mars Callahan and Ricky Schroder’s characters (in Poolhall Junkies). But, in this movie, after a rather drawn-out buildup to the final match between the Baltimore Bullet and the Deacon, the director glosses over the game.  He shows a few initial shots…and then — bam! — game over.  Talk about an epic table scratch.

It took me a while to locate “The Baltimore Bullet,” since it was not available as a DVD in the US and I wasn’t ready to buy it on VHS.  However, thanks to Gary Frerking, who responded to my question in the forum of VegasBilliardsBuzz.com, I found the entire movie accessible online at YouTube.   Enjoy!

Billy the Kid and the Green Baize Vampire (Billiards Movie)

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A billiards movie that doesn’t tend to provoke much discussion among genre enthusiasts is Billy the Kid and the Green Baize Vampire, a 1987 film from the UK that revolves around a snooker showdown between a cockney named Billy Kid and a seven-time world snooker champion who wears clip-on fangs and relaxes in a coffin named Maxwell Reardon, aka the Green Baize Vampire.  Given the two main protagonists are modeled on real-world legends Ray Reardon (whose nickname was “Dracula”) and Jimmy White, who battled it out in snooker championships in the early ’80s, it’s surprising few people talk up this film.

Billy the Kid and the Green Baize Vampire - Billiards MovieOh, wait…did I mention this billiards movie is a musical?   For many, that may be just enough to make one put away their cue and call it a night.  But, before you do, consider:

  • If you ever enjoyed The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975), this billiards movie is a clear tribute, from its overall sheer camp to the tune sung over the final match, which resembles Dr. Frank-N-Furter singing in his laboratory, with the chorus overlooking from the balcony.
  • It’s composed by George Fenton, a 5-time Oscar-nominated composer for movies like Gandhi and Dangerous Liaisons.
  • It features songs such as “Kid to Break” and “Snooker (So Much More Than Just a Game),” and includes the memorable line, “Heaven’s covered in green baize!”  (I mean, really, what pool player out there could hope for anything more?)

Is it a good movie?  Meh. The acting is pretty bad, the characters are two-dimensional, and the overall production quality is cheap.  But, this could be said about many a great cult movie.  As one reviewer wrote, “it certainly is a strange and heady brew that will either find its way to your heart or utterly alienate you.” So, grab something potable of choice, get comfortable, and decide for yourself.  Let me know.

Billy the Kid and the Green Baize Vampire - Billiards MovieFor those interested in watching Billy the Kid and the Green Baize Vampire, it is available via Amazon Video On Demand.

Stickmen: A Gem in the Billiards Movie Genre

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One of the first billiards movies I discovered, thanks to a great list compiled by Billiards Boys, is Stickmen, a 2001 pool hustling movie from New Zealand.  Among billiards movie enthusiasts, this is a well-known gem. But, I had never heard of it.

Stickmen - Billiards MoviesThe basic premise is that a trio of fun-loving, wisecracking pool-playing mates unwittingly get pulled into an underground 8-ball doubles pool tournament run by “Daddy,” a nefarious hook-handed crime boss, to raise money in order to prevent a friend’s bar from having to sell his bar.

It’s not the most original plot, but director Hamish Rothwell has great fun with the movie, dialing up the speed, antics, and fast-talk, and introducing us to a supporting cast of memorable pool-players, including Caller, a pierced, bare-chested, crazy; the Men in Black (a duo of priests), and some lovely ladies. Any Guy Ritchie fan (e.g., Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels) will appreciate the emulative, albeit less serious, cinematic style. But, fans of Doug Liman’s Go or Tom Tykwer’s Run Lola Run may equally savor the adrenaline-pumping, ticking time-bomb linear narrative.

Unfortunately, while it’s a highly enjoyable pool movie, the pool cinematography is downright disappointing.  The billiards-playing lacks authenticity, there is a disappointing paucity of difficult pool shots, and to my knowledge, there are no notable cameos from professional players (as there will be in future movies I review).

For those interested in watching Stickmen, it’s widely available to purchase on DVD.