As I watched the 86^th Academy Awards on Monday, I kept thinking what it must have been like when The Color of Money was nominated for four awards, including Paul Newman winning the Best Actor award, in 1987.  Just imagine seeing those billiards clips shown on the big screen at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion and being broadcast to 39 million viewers simultaneously.

But, in general, Oscar has not been kind to billiards movies.  More pointedly, most billiards movies have not come close to Oscar’s standards.   Aside from The Color of Money, the only other obvious exception is The Hustler, which received nine Oscar nominations in 1962, including wins for Art-Set Direction and for Cinematography.

That’s not to say, however, that billiards movies have not starred Oscar nominees and winners, past and future alike.  For example, Forest Whitaker played the hustler Amos in The Color of Money – 20 years before he earned his Oscar for The Last King of Scotland.  And Tom Cruise has racked up three Oscar nominations (Born on the 4^th of July, 1989; Jerry Maguire, 1996; and Magnolia, 1999) since playing Vince in The Color of Money. The 2002 film Poolhall Junkies featured two past Oscar winners:  Christopher Walken (The Deer Hunter, 1978) and Rod Steiger (In the Heat of the Night, 1968).  The Baltimore Bullet, a should-have-been-better 1980 billiards film, features a trinity of Oscar notables, including past Oscar nominee Omar Sharif (Lawrence of Arabia, 1962), past Oscar winner Ronee Blakley (Nashville, 1975), and future Oscar winner James Coburn (Affliction, 1997). The little-known 2007 billiards film Turn the River has an Oscar nominee, Rip Torn (Cross Creek, 2003), in a supporting role.

It’s not just actors.  Six-time Oscar-nominated director Peter Weir (Dead Poets Society; The Truman Show; etc) started his film career making shorts, including The Billiard Room in 1972.  And the prolific, legendary director Martin Scorsese, who was the genius behind The Color of Money, followed that film with eight Oscar nominations, including a 2007 Best Director win for The Departed.

Yet, for true Oscar ubiquity, all of these celebrities live in the shadow of Whoopi Goldberg, an omnipresent Oscar persona if there ever was one.  Ms. Goldberg was nominated for a Best Actress Oscar for The Color Purple (1985).  She won the Supporting Actress award for her role in Ghost (1990).  Of course, she hosted the Academy Award ceremony four times (1994, 1996, 1999, and 2002). She even introduced the 75^th tribute to The Wizard of Oz in this past Monday’s awards ceremony, while flaunting her red ruby slippers.

This is why it’s fascinating to then consider that Ms. Goldberg also starred in the 1989, made-for-television billiards flop Kiss Shot.  She is the perfect proof that (a) starring in a billiards movie doesn’t permanently taint one’s Oscar reputation; and (b) mixing that Oscar mojo with a piss-poor movie doesn’t exactly make for cinematic greatness.  (Just ask Robert DeNiro, right?)

Kiss Shot stars Ms. Goldberg as Sarah Collins, a witty, warm-hearted, single parent who is trying to keep a roof over the head, and the braces on the mouth, of her 13-year-old daughter.  When she loses her job at Dunsley Electronics, she must figure out how to raise $3000 in four months or the bank will take her house and put her on the street.  Unable to raise the money through personal connections, she decides to raise the money through pool (9-ball, specifically).  In making this decision, Sarah Collins joins a long list of female protagonists in billiards movies who hustle for noble intentions, unlike their male counterparts, who hustle largely out of greed and ego.  (See my earlier post “Battle of the Sexes in Billiards Movies” for more on this theory.)

Initially, she is staked by her friend Billy, manager of Mr. B’s Billiards.  (Interestingly, Billy is played by Teddy Wilson, who one year later appeared in Quantum Leap in the horrible billiards episode “Pool Hall Blues.”)   So she may raise money faster, Billy pairs her with professional stakehorse Max Fleischer (Hill Street Blues Golden Globe winner Dennis Franz).

This plan seems to work well initially, as she moves from one stereotypical pool hall to the next, first playing the “hard hats, beer and beef jerky crowd,” then a country-and-western crowd, then a group of bikers (who might have been extras from either The Warriors or a Village People video), then some punk rockers, and finally, the black patrons of a jazz bar. But, the plan ultimately unravels when she meets billiards playboy Kevin Merrick.  (Interestingly, Kevin is played by Dorian Harewood, who not only shot pool on the short-lived billiards game show Ballbreakers, but also played the role of Eightball in Stanley Kubrick’s Full Metal Jacket.)

At this point, turn on the late-80s synthesizers and pour on the Velveeta, for Kiss Shot becomes annoyingly hokey, more concerned with an emerging love triangle than the billiards triangle.  Fast forward.  Eventually, Sarah loses her hard-won earnings, forcing her to enter the Golden Gate Open 9-Ball Championship with the winner-takes-all $10,000 prize.  We’re treated to a lot of pool playing during these scenes, but the kiss shots with the 9-ball sitting on the lip of the pocket get old quickly.  Though Ms. Goldberg is not shown making most her shots, there were two incredible exceptions – a masse shot and a jump shot – that suggested her coach had elicited some real billiards talent from her.  (Credit goes to BCA Master Instructor Jerry Briesath, who was the movie’s technical advisor.)

The ending is so predictable…that director Jerry London chose not even to show it.  One minute, she’s battling Kevin in the final 9-ball match, and the next minute, she’s showering the bank with rolls of money as she reclaims the loan on her house.

Dennis Franz delivers a great line in the movie when he tells Sarah not to pull back in a match: “You got this guy in the toilet, and then you let him crawl out.”  The same almost happened with Ms. Goldberg in Kiss Shot.  This movie could have put her career in the toilet. Fortunately for all of us, she crawled out.

Kiss Shot is widely available to rent or buy online.