Tag Archives: billiards

Celebrity Billiards with Minnesota Fats

It’s been almost 18 years since his passing, and an incredible 45 years since his television show Celebrity Billiards with Minnesota Fats first aired.  But, watching the three episodes just released last month on DVD by VCI Entertainment, one instantly recalls his larger-than-life presence, both in his physical girth (at times as much as 300 pounds) and in his verbal swagger and elocution, to say nothing of his pool-playing bravado.

Celebrity BilliardsRunning for four seasons, from 1967-1971, Celebrity Billiards with Minnesota Fats was, quite literally, celebrities playing billiards (for charity) with Minnesota Fats.  Until VCI released the DVD, I had never seen a full episode, though partial clips existed online.  The low-budget set, even by late ‘60s standards, featured a single pool table surrounded by a horseshoe of audience members a few rows deep.  Each episode featured Minnesota Fats, the “world’s most accomplished billiards player” (or some variation of such hyperbole), playing a form of billiards against one of the popular comedians or actors of that era.  The celebrity was given an agreed-upon handicap, and if the celebrity won, s/he got $1000 (about $6700 in today’s dollars) toward the charity of her/his choice; if s/he lost, then $500. At the end of the game, which was shown in its entirety, “Mr. Fats” then demonstrated a series of trick shots, sometimes successfully, other times not. Most of these shots felt impromptu and intimate between him and his celebrity guest, and in all the episodes I watched, the credits rolled even as he was continuing to share shots.

Before delving into the three specific matches on the VCI DVD, it’s worth providing some context around this show, and its master impresario.  To start, in 1961, the movie The Hustler was released, which had two notable effects.  First, participation in billiards skyrocketed. “Sales of equipment soared. The number of pool halls doubled. Organized billiards boomed. Even television sports began to cover straight pool matches,” according to one Chicago Tribune article.

Bank Shot and Other Great RobberiesSecond, in introducing the world to the fictional Minnesota Fats (played by Jackie Gleason), it enabled Rudolf Wanderone Jr., a traveling pool hustler from New York City, to claim the name as his own, forever mixing fact and fiction.   And with the Minnesota Fats moniker, the former Wanderone, a decent but largely unknown billiards player, became a household name, parlaying his fame into every facet of media, from magazine articles (Sport Illustrated) to autobiographies (The Bank Shot, and Other Great Robberies) to instructional books (Minnesota Fats Plays Pool) to television (The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson) and later, even to movies (The Player).

Also, it had been more than a decade since Ten-Twenty, the last billiards game show.  And with the popularity of bowling shows, such as Jackpot Bowling, on the air, it was the perfect time to try the billiards game show format again, this time with its own superstar, who used to pass out stamped autographed trading cards proclaiming himself “the greatest pool player ever.” Pairing the portly propagandist with celebrities equally made sense, given the success of game shows prominently featuring celebrities, like Hollywood Squares, which debuted in 1966. On top of it all, pool had emerged at this time as the “number one sport in Hollywood, according to some news media.

In the four seasons of Celebrity Billiards with Minnesota Fats, a who’s-who of the era’s A-listers came on the show, including Zsa Zsa Gabor, Sid Caesar, Buddy Hackett, Bill Cosby, Mickey Rooney, and Phyllis Diller.  Apparently, in the show’s pilot episode, James “Maverick” Garner came on, allegedly a reputable pool hustler in his own right, and actually beat Fats, winning the $1000 charity prize.

The newly-released VCI DVD features three episodes from 1971.  In the first episode, Fats plays the comedian Groucho Mark (sans cigar) in 9-ball, giving him the break plus three subsequent shots.  Marx’s game is okay, but his one-liners, such as “It wouldn’t hurt you to practice once in a while,” are classic.  After Fats wins, he reveals to Marx a number of trick shots, though he misses a handful, prompting Marx to reply, “You want to apologize?”  Some of this episode is available to watch below on YouTube.

http://youtu.be/tZFqhx0Aymo

In the next episode, Fats plays the folk-singing comedians, the Smother Brothers, in a game of “Last Ball,” in which players take turns pocketing balls, but the winner is the one who sinks the last ball.  The Smother Brothers played as a team, effectively getting two turns for every one turn Fats got.  Though the games were presided over by commentator Tim Travers, it’s Fats who provides the real play-by-play, such as describing Dick Smothers’ narrow miss as a “good boy who got in some bad company.” Fats also showcases some beautiful trick shots, including a “kiss, bank, kiss three-cushion” shot.

In the final episode, Fats plays “Mr. Television” Milton Berle in a game of three-cushion billiards, in which Berle is given a three point head-start.  Berle admits to picking this lesser-known variation of billiards because he thought Fats lack of familiarity with the game would give Berle an advantage. This episode tends to lag, as both players struggle to earn points.  Though it is rather amusing when Fats attempts to explain the diamond system to Berle in what comes across as near-dizzying calculus.

The DVD with these three episodes is available to buy on Amazon.

“The Hustler” – The Brady Bunch

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In The Color of Money, “Fast” Eddie Felson, the original Hustler, says, “Money won is twice as sweet as money earned.”  Well, for Bobby Brady, youngest son of the famously surnamed TV sextet, it wasn’t money he won with his billiards skills, but 256 packs of chewing gum, a sweet feat that proves one’s never too young to successfully start hustling.  Since this is The Brady Bunch, a series that ran from 1969 to 1974, we can expect a healthy dosage of well-mannered high jinks, inoffensive banter, and squeaky-clean resolutions.  “The Hustler,” one of the last episodes to air in the final season of The Brady Bunch, does not disappoint.

Brady Bunch - The HustlerThis billiards television episode’s set-up is that Harry Matthews, the president of Mike Brady’s architectural firm, gives Mike an (unassembled!) pool table as a thank-you gift.  Bobby, who “always” plays pool at his friend’s house, demonstrates his prowess to his two older brothers, who dismiss his playing as dumb luck.  He later wagers he can beat them in nine-ball, with the loser having to shine the winner’s shoes for a whole month.  Of course, he wins, and soon he is playing all the time and retorting to his siblings, “Who cares about school?  I’m going to be the pool champ of the whole world.”

His constant play ultimately gets him into trouble with his dad, who gently reprimands him for staying up so late practicing when he has school work. But, he is redeemed when he is given a chance to play Mr. Matthews, who has come over for a dinner party.  Mr. Matthews, having beaten everyone else at the party and fancying himself a pool shark, agrees to play Bobby for a pack of chewing gum on every shot.  Bobby promptly thrashes Mr. Matthews, causing one of the other dinner guests to whisper to Mike, “If that was my son, I’d break his arm.”  Fortunately, this does not get Mike fired, but it (unfortunately) does somehow prove that the Brady household is no home for a pool table.  Well, at least Bobby won those 256 packs of chewing gum.

Brady Bunch - The HustlerThough “The Hustler” episode lacks any iconic one-liners such as, “Mom always said don’t play ball in the house” or “Pork chops and apple sauce,” it does have one of the more memorable and billiards television worthy dream sequences (shown below).  Dressed in a tuxedo and wearing a “Champ” sash across his chest, Bobby enters a symphony hall  with a single billiards table on stage to a standing ovation.  Taking his cue and chalk from his sister Cindy and cousin Oliver, he proceeds to make a series of multi-ball trick shots, including the well-known, six-ball “Butterfly” shot, before finishing with a shot made while blindfolded.  (Of course, Mike Lookinland, the actor who played Bobby, did not make these shots, and there is disturbingly no mention of a billiards technical advisor in the credits.)

The dream concludes with dollar bills raining onto Bobby like roses being thrown onstage at an opera, and Bobby repeating the phrase, “I’m rich, I’m rich.”  Now there’s an ironic ending…what’s the real dream here?  The fact that Bobby could make all these trick shots or the fact that someone could, in fact, get “rich” playing pool?

“The Hustler” billiards television episode of The Brady Bunch is available to watch in entirety on Paramount+.

Nine-Ball (2008 billiards short film)

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Nine-ball - billiards short filmThere is a painfully uncomfortable moment in the Swedish billiards short film Nine-Ball in which the main character, David, attempts to show off to his 10-year-old son Markus his “friends” playing nine-ball on the adjacent billiards table.  Markus is clearly reluctant, not because he doesn’t want to play pool or doesn’t want to meet the friends, but because he intuitively knows there is something wrong with the situation.  His fears are verified when the friends dismiss David, saying they would prefer to play by themselves.  The awkwardness then explodes as David confronts them, saying (in Swedish), “ Why do you not want to play with me? I do not know what I am doing wrong.” The response he receives is neither anger nor apology, but a distant and condescending rejoinder that he “should take care of his son instead.”

As you might have guessed, Nine-Ball is not specifically about billiards, though about half the 12 minutes occur in a pool hall.  Rather and never explicitly said, the short film, directed and produced on commission by Nikolina Gillgren in 2008, is about neuropsychiatric disorders, such as ADHD, Asperger’s and Tourette’s Syndrome, and how people who have these disorders, like the lead character David, struggle with social dysfunctional behavior and social exclusion.

Over email, Gillgren told me that she wanted to make a short film about fear, loneliness, and the discomfort that comes from social exclusion.  She said, “Our society has difficulties accepting people with other views and behavior that what is considered as ‘normal,’ and that a lot of people who suffer from disorders endure discrimination and depression.”

The decision to set this story in a pool hall, and use billiards as the centerpiece of that social difficulty, was inspired by an individual Gillgren met at a summer camp as part of her research. “This guy really loved playing nine-ball.  He played more or less every day all by himself.  I thought it was such a good metaphor of the dilemma, since pool is [typically] such a social game.”  Of course, it didn’t hurt that Gillgren herself was once very much into billiards, as well.

In the tender ending of the film, David opens up to his son that he “does not know what to do for them to like [him].” And while Nine-Ball wisely avoids providing any pithy solutions or uplifting reconciliation, the son’s simple embrace of his father suggests that he will not give up on him.

The billiards short film Nine-Ball is not available for public viewing, so I am very grateful to Nikolina Gillgren for enabling me to have private access.  Since completing Nine-Ball, Gillgren has been working on a documentary about the Swedish Black Metal band, Watain, and their religious adherence to Satanism.  She also just released the documentary Six Days about three women who lives thousands of miles apart, but are united in their struggles within their war-torn countries and their quests for a better life.

Carambola (billiards movie)

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Within the billiards movie genre, one of the best and least-known is Carambola, a 2005 low-budget, highly stylized film that took more than two years to reach the big screen after its premier at the Guadalajara Film Festival, and then, sadly, disappeared almost as quickly.  Directed and written by Kurt Hollander, an accomplished writer and photographer, who unfortunately for us, did not continue to make movies, Carambola is the story of El Vago (Daniel Martinez), an aging three-cushion billiards hustler, who has the chance for reinvention when he wins a billiards hall in a bet.

Carambola - billiards movieThe billiards hall is not only the sole setting of Carambola, but it is also a central character in this tale of reinvention.  Foremost, there is the tension between El Vago’s wish to preserve the “real tradition in this pool hall,” which means keeping the billiards tables intact, and that of his more business-minded ambitious assistant, El Perro (the wonderful Diego Luna), who believes that only old geezers plays billiards, and that to turn the hall into a successful business requires pool tables, discos, and strobe lights.  Even El Vago must concede that “pool is the flavor of the new generation.”

(For those that may already be confused, “pool” is not synonymous with “billiards.”  Pool is akin to pocket billiards, shot with a cue ball and 15 balls on a six-pocket table between seven and nine feet long.  In Carambola, “billiards” refers to three-cushion billiards, also called carombole, which is generally played on a pocketless five-by-ten foot table with just three balls.  The object is to score points by caroming the cue ball off both object balls, but making sure the cue ball hits the rail cushion at least three times before hitting the second object ball.   Fortunately, if you were watching the movie, you would not be confused, as the rules of three-cushion billiards are explained by El Vago in the opening scene as part of an instructional video he’s shooting to earn some extra cash.  Not only does he explain the objective, but he gives pointers such as, “knives longer than five inches and guns carried in one’s belt…interfere with a clean shot,” or “gold chains, shiny rings, and flashy tattoos on one’s hands disrupt concentration.”)

El Vago ultimately acquiesces to the vision of El Perro, thereby ushering in dramatic and costly changes that pack the pool hall with young supple bodies, but leave the elders disgusted and El Vago with a permanent ulcer that is exacerbated when all the “little shits…put their feet on [his] tables.” In great and uncomfortable juxtaposition, El Vago even kills the music in one early scene to stage a billiards demonstration by El Campeon, aka “The Champ,” who shows off some wonderfully gorgeous masse and rail shots to a rather apathetic and benumbed audience.

Carambola - billiards movieTrouble mounts as quickly as the bills.  El Perro is determined to take control of the billiards hall, or at least rob El Vago blind while doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom.  The sexy La Pájara (Laura Hildalgo) is a constant distraction, particularly once El Vago peeps her straddling his table to make a pornographic video with a cue stick. El Mexicano (Jesús Ochoa), a businessman with a bad temper who sells “cues made from rare woods with exotic and erotic images,” always appears to be one step away from reclaiming the bar he lost or using his “death cue” on the the kneecaps of anyone ogling his daughter, La Pájara.  And none of this bodes well for a billiards tournament El Vago is trying to organize to raise funds to keep the billiards hall solvent.

Amidst this offbeat soap opera, there is, as I suggested in the beginning, a battle not only to define the future of the billiards hall, but to re-examine the very purpose of billiards, for every character has his own dogmatic definition.  For “Gums,” billiards is all about “style, flair…winning is not so important.”  For El Judas, billiards is a distraction: “who gives a fuck about billiards…if you want to do something in this world, you got to play with bigger balls.” For La Medusa, “billiards is a mirror of the heavens…when someone stands in front of table and shoots, they’re playing on three levels: universe, earth and inner world.”  El Chiquilin is less philosophical in his world view of billiards: It is a “game of kings… unfortunately it’s been adopted by a group of lowlifes, murderers, rapists, prostitutes and pimps.” And all of this contrasts with the beliefs of El Vago, who not only is set on teaching his audience to play the game through his video, but also on cementing his conviction that “any second rate player can make a shot, but to miss believably, only the best.”

Carambola - billiards movieIt’s that philosophy that ultimately cues the audience that maybe the down-and-out El Vago, with the ghastly ulcer and pitiful business sense, is, in fact, “missing believably.”  I won’t spoil the movie, but let’s just say, to use another El Vago quote, “to win, you have to know how to lose.”

Carambola is widely available to rent or buy on DVD or instant video.  It should not be confused with the similarly named Mexican billiards movie Operacion Carambola (1968), the Italian billiards movie Carambola (1974) or that film’s sequel, Carambola, Filotto…Tutti en Boco (1975).

“Pool Sharks” – Monsters (billiards TV episode)

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It’s Halloween!  So, once the little ghouls and ghosts are safely tucked in, once the party is over and the Walking Dead costume is back on the hanger, once the jack-o-lantern candles are blown out and the sugar-high has faded, why not cap off the evening with some horror-themed billiards TV, specifically the “Pool Sharks” episode of the cable show Monsters?

Pool Sharks - Billiards TVMonsters was a three-season horror anthology show that ran from 1988-1991 on the Sci-Fi Channel.   Similar to Tales of the Crypt, each 30-minute Monsters episode focused on a monster, ranging from animated mannequins to weapon-wielding lab rats, and often included elements of black comedy, twist endings, and a variety of special effects, some more convincing than others.

[SPOILER ALERT] The aptly-named Monsters episode “Pool Sharks” aired in December 1988 as part of the show’s first season.  The full episode is available below to watch. The episode focuses on  two bar patrons, who face off in a pool game.  Both have secrets; the fact they are both pool hustlers is but the least of those secrets.  One of the patrons is Gabe, an everyman, who enters the bar with his pool cue case in tow and an eye on the vamp at the billiards table.  That vamp is the buxom, pale-skinned, black-clad Natasha, who clearly has a taste for men, as evidenced when she later sucks Gabe’s bleeding finger wound.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uy2yIXdOAmU

After some brief flirtations and a lot of hustler subtext, Natasha and Gabe agree to a game of 50-point straight pool, in which the bet is the winner gets to do whatever s/he wants to the other person’s body. Now, the secrets start getting exposed, as Natasha reveals (to the camera) her fangs, and Gabe starts to probe Natasha’s awareness of a man (Gabe’s brother) who disappeared, having last been seen with a beautiful woman in a pool hall.

Pool Sharks - Billiards TVThe game continues, as each person makes a series of successful (albeit, somewhat easy) trick shots (including a four-balls-in-one-shot beauty), while also gradually pulling back their veils and revealing their true intentions.  (Gabe’s is to avenge his brother.  Natasha’s is to feast on Gabe before the sun rises.)  When the game gets tied 49-49, Natasha appears to win on the next shot, but is thwarted by Gabe (and the usual holy cross vampire trope), who goes on to sink the winning shot and then impales Natasha with his special, hidden-blade cue stick.

While the stakes are totally different, it’s clear “Pool Sharks” is borrowing liberally from the 1961 Twilight Zone episode, “A Game of Pool.”  In that billiards TV show, a local pool player bets his life against a famous, dead pool hustler.  (“Life or death.  You beat me, you live; you lose, you die.”)  The two episodes are also similarly shot in a black-and-white, dimly-lit noir style, with single-table bars in empty pool rooms, mood jazz playing in the background.

By the way, if you really want to make it a billiards Halloween, then I suggest that after watching “Pool Sharks,” you turn to Billy the Kid and the Green Baize Vampire, a 1987 British vampire musical that revolves around a snooker showdown.  One billiards horror movie I would skip, however, is The Understudy: Graveyard Shift II.  This low-budget 1988 film is about a macho vampire named Baisez, who slowly seduces the cast and crew of Blood Lover, a movie about a vampire pool hustler, is painfully hard-to-watch.

For a full plot synopsis of “Pool Sharks,” check out: http://taliesinttlg.blogspot.com/2009/07/monsters-pool-sharks-review-tv-episode.html

“Cue Ball Cat” – Tom and Jerry

Today, October 28, is International Animation Day, an event observed in more than 50 countries across every continent to celebrate animation.  What better way to honor this special day than to blog about the Tom and Jerry billiards short film “Cue Ball Cat,” released in November 1950 by MGM Studios.

Tom & Jerry - Cue Ball CatIn this particular one-reel, seven-minute cartoon, shown in its entirety below, Tom is in an after-hours pool hall, practicing his bank shots, and taking some feline liberties to ensure the balls go in the pocket.   He soon discovers that Jerry is sleeping in one of the pockets.  Since a pool hall is no place for a mouse, Tom proceeds to torment Jerry with a variety of shots that leave him spinning, reeling, running, chalked, and even imprinted (temporarily, of course) with an 8-ball on the backside.  Jerry, never one to back down from the big kitty, fights back, batting billiards balls into Tom’s eyes, shooting the bridge like an arrow into Tom’s mouth, sending Tom crashing into a drink machine, fooling Tom into swallowing seven balls, and in general, adhering to the violent formula of sight gags and ensuing mayhem that made Tom and Jerry one of the most successful cartoons ever, including winning seven Academy Awards.

http://youtu.be/eEJycmLk80I

As one reviewer noted in the blog The Acme Factory, “The best Tom and Jerry cartoons are the ones that really stay away from any kind of story and just feature the cat and mouse beating the tar out of each other…Such is the case with “Cue Ball Cat”…Both Tom and Jerry take their knocks in this one, an equally painful competition which is always nice to see.”

“Cue Ball Cat” would not be the last time these two nemeses scuffled in a pool hall.  Fifteen years later, in the 1965 cartoon “Of Feline Bondage,” Tom and Jerry again briefly engaged in a billiards brawl, though that episode exits the pool hall once Jerry’s fairy godmother intervenes.

Interestingly, the pool table has been the setting for farcical violent animation through the history of billiards short animated films.  In the 1915 stop-animation short film Pool Sharks, W.C Fields and his billiards rival get into a fight over a woman that leads to balls flying and goldfish bowls breaking.   At the other end of the timeline, in 2004, Stan Prokopenko created A Game of Pool, a 3D-animated short film about a rack of billiard balls that split into two teams – solids and stripes – and proceed to “battle” by knocking one another into pockets, with the last ball standing facing off against the 8-ball.

Guess it proves that just because one’s not on the gridiron, on the racetrack, or in the ring, it doesn’t mean the sport can’t be bellicose.  Just look at billiards, after all.

Virgin Pockets

In 1997, the nominees for the Razzie Award for Worst Picture were Speed 2: Cruise Control, Fire Down Below, Batman & Robin, The Postman, and Anaconda.  (The Postman won the award.)  But, let me tell you, compared to the straight-to-video billiards movie Virgin Pockets, which came out that same year, these other lemons are downright Oscar-worthy.

Virgin PocketsVirgin Pockets is the inane story of pool professional Lizzie Monroe, who years ago removed herself from the tournament circuit because of the pressure and control of sponsors, and turned to hustling pool locally.  In a dive bar, she meets Jordan “J.J.” Jamison, a young, scantily-clad, dyed-blond, pool hustler, who first flaunts her talent by challenging the locals to games of pool. [Reviewer’s note:   Jordan’s physique may be real, but the money she was betting was most certainly not. It was labeled “toy money.”]

One by one, the lambs line up to play Jordan, only to get mesmerized by her cleavage and miss their shots.  Eventually, Lizzie plays Jordan and schools her in the game of pool.  After, Jordan attempts to befriend her, but is told by Lizzie she has “virgin pockets,” meaning she “has no idea how to play.  Straight pool is pool.  When you play 9-ball, that’s not a game.”  [Reviewer’s note:  they were playing 8-ball, not 9-ball.]

But, ultimately Lizzie is convinced they could make quite a hustling team (like Billie Jo Robbins and Nick Casey in The Baltimore Bullet). So, she takes on Jordan as a protégé and educates her in the art of hustling.  [Reviewer’s note:  for women, the art of hustling apparently includes repeated blowing on cue tips, stroking cue shafts, hiking up skirts to reveal lace garters, and of course, conspicuously removing money from inside one’s bra.]

As Lizzie says, “the best players in the world aren’t found on ESPN.  They’re found in pool halls, in the worst parts of town. If you really know how to play this game, that’s where the real money is.”  [Reviewer’s note:  all the “hustling” takes place in the one town of Erie, Pennsylvania, with its population of 100,000, and not exactly the ghetto of America.]

Virgin PocketsSoon, they’re racking up big dollars, playing the real sharks in “games that no one talks about.” [Reviewer’s note: the most they ever win appears to be $500.] Sometimes, they even hustle on coin-operated tables (!!).  But, their lucrative lifestyle falls apart when Jordan abandons her mentor to compete in the Erie Brewing Company 9-Ball International.

Ripping off of The Color of Money, Lizzie makes the decision to return to the tournament world, where she hopes to get Jordan’s best game.  I dare not spoil the ending, but in the final teacher-student showdown, it was “never about the money, always about the game.”

Virgin Pockets was produced on a shoestring budget of about $3000, so expectations shouldn’t start too high.  And, in fact, the story might have been bearable if other aspects of Virgin Pockets were entertaining. But, the acting is abysmal, the camera shakes constantly, and then there is the ungodly pool.  I never thought I would say this about a billiards movie, but there is way too much pool in this movie.  Every other scene consists of our leggy ladies making the same 5-6 shots (including one three-rail shot, which is unfortunately overused), while the incessant music plays in the foreground.  It was like watching a bad music video…on repeat.

One minute into the movie, Lizzie asks the question, “Why am I here?”  Trust me, if you sit down to watch Virgin Pockets, you’re going to be asking yourself that same question.

Virgin Pockets is available to order on DVD on Amazon.  The full movie is also available to watch online on YouTube.

Virgin Pockets

Community – “Physical Education”

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After having recently suffered through some pretty terrible billiards TV episodes, including “Pool Hall Blues” (Quantum Leap) and “Cheese, Cues, and Blood” (Married with Children), I promise you my excitement about billiards TV has not only been restored, but is now bubbling over, thanks to watching “Physical Education,” from the first season of Community on NBC.

Perhaps, I had been living under a rock, but I had never watched Community, prior to the “Physical Education” episode.  Based on a sample size of one, it’s genius. For the uninitiated, the series, which begins its fifth season in January, is about an idiosyncratic group of individuals of varying ages and backgrounds, who attend and comprise a study group at the fictitious Greendale Community College.

Community - Physical Education - Billiards TV“Physical Education,” which aired in March 2010, has two very loosely related, and equally hilarious, storylines. For this blog, the relevant storyline begins with Jeff Winger (played by Joel McHale), the narcissistic, self-anointed leader of the study group, dressed in leather jacket, skinny black jeans, and black boots, in an attempt to look cool for his first day of “The Art of Pool,” a billiards class taught through the Physical Education Department.

When he gets to class, he becomes first incredulous, and then disgusted, that he has to wear a uniform – specifically, (short) shorts – since this is a P.E. class.  Taunted by Coach Bogner (played by Blake Clark) for “dressing like a model instead of an athlete, sipping martinis and smoking instead of keeping your game on the table,” Jeff replies, “Nobody plays pool like that.  This class is the desecration of America’s coolest sport.”

The real belly-laughs come when Jeff has his epiphanic ‘moment of self-love’ and returns to class, in tight shorts and boots, to challenge the coach in a game of pool.  Dismissing the notion that he should be at Urban Outfitters, he retorts, “First, I have to hand someone their tightly swaddled polyester ass in pool…now do you want to talk about clothes like a girl or do you want use tapered stick to hit balls around a cushioned table like a man?”

Community - Billiards TVCue the music for the final showdown.  And not just any music, but in an awesomely absurd homage to The Color of Money, the music is Warren Zevon’s “Werewolves of London,” with Joel doing an over-the-top impersonation of Tom Cruise in his iconic scene when he unveils his Balabushka. Like Cruise’s Vincent Lauria, Joel slices, dices, and mock-rifle fires with his cue stick (as well as makes a few pretty nice shots).

To further prove the point the he is not just a shallow clothes-whore, Joel then goes three steps farther into crazyland, first removing his shorts and shirt, and then ultimately, his tighty-whities, to make the winning shot, bare-assed, perched on one leg, giving the audience of onlookers and oglers a bit too much to remember.  The scene ends with the Coach proudly accepting defeat, kissing Jeff, and telling him, “from now on, you play pool however you choose, you magnificent son of a bitch.”

Community - Billiards TVIn closing, this episode achieved several things at once.  First, it blazed up the Twittersphere with references to ‘shirtless Joel McHale.’  Second, it helped ensure Community’s second season, as most critics believed “Physical Education” was one of the show’s best.  But, third and most important, it made pool instantly accessible…while still proclaiming it the “coolest sport in America.”

The “Physical Education” episode is available on Hulu Plus or Amazon Instant Video.  For additional commentary on this episode, check out:

The Billiard Room (billiards short film)

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Peter Weir - Billiards Short Film

Director Peter Weir

When I first learned that Peter Weir, the great Australian director behind such indelible movies as Witness (1985), Dead Poets Society (1989) and The Truman Show (1998), had directed a billiards short film early in his career, I was giddy.  After all, Weir was a six-time Oscar nominee.  Granted, I had never seen any of Weir’s films prior to Galipoli (1981), but we’re talking about a highly credible and accomplished director.

Oh, man, was I disappointed.

It turns out The Billiard Room was no ordinary short film.  The seven-minute billiards short film (shown below), commissioned by the Australian Commonwealth Unit in 1972, was part of a longer 47-minute “teaching aid” film created that year for the Commonwealth as it started to invest in “message films” to speak to an evolving and increasingly complex Australian society.  The Billiard Room was also part of a larger “adult learning” series Weir filmed, including Boat Building (a man pursues his dream of building a boat); The Computer Centre (An older staff member struggles with the introduction of new technology);  Field Day (an agricultural field day provides an opportunity to share ideas); and The Country Couldn’t Do Without You.

Perhaps to mitigate confusion or reduce liability, the movie begins with the following prologue: “This film should not be screened by itself as a documentary. It does not provide direct information on the process of adult learning. It is a teaching aid which provides a basis for discussion.”

The billiards short film then focuses on a student at a pool hall who is considering dropping out of the university.  Suddenly, he receives an impromptu lesson in the game of snooker from some scraggly fellow.  Apparently, this lesson was designed as a teaching aid to promote group discussion on the problems of the adult learning process in management – staff relations.

I have no idea how this film is a teaching aid on adult learning processes.  The only thing that is clear is it’s certainly not a teaching aid on snooker.  Not when the guy is doling out advice, such as “You need a good cue. Straight.” Or, “in this game, you don’t move the ball.”  And, “the further away, the harder the play.”  Finally, my favorite piece of lunacy: “The thing to remember is always hit the cue ball dead center. Every time.”

What?????

I assure you that I’m a raving fan of the land Down Under, but between The Billiard Room and Hard Kunckle, the subject of a future blog post, Australia has not been kind to the billiards movie genre.

For an in-depth review of Peter Weir’s filmography, check out Sense of Cinema – Peter Weir.

14 Days – The Great Pool Experiment

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Joshua Hornbeck had been playing pool for 20 years.  He grew up in a family that celebrated – and lived – off the sport. “I got all three of my brothers who play pool. My dad.  My dad’s dad. It was a big thing in our family.  You know it’s big when you don’t even know what pool is, but you got an eight-foot pool table in the dining room…that’s how dad made our lunch money.” But, after two decades of playing pool, Joshua still hit balls too hard, used too much spin, and lacked certain ball control skills. His playing was decent, but nothing that could enable him to win his father’s pool memorial tournament and a prize upwards of $6800.

14 Days Great Pool ExperimentThat is, until Joshua was selected to participate on Tor Lowry’s billiards web series, 14 Days – The Great Pool Experiment. For two straight weeks, eight hours a day, Tor, a managing member of Zero-X Billiards and the creator of the “Secrets of Pool” instructional video series, worked diligently with Joshua on his pool game at his home in Owl City, Pennsylvania, while the cameras rolled and recorded everything.  During those 112 total hours, Joshua’s game was surgically diagnosed and he was then given a prescription of improvements, ranging from stroke drills (“1200 times in 2 days”) and center-ball positioning to half-table pattern play and kicking and breaking.

For all this instruction, Joshua did not pay Tor a cent.  That is not to say, however, that Joshua did not undertake a serious financial commitment.  As Joshua shared, his family “lives paycheck to paycheck,” so taking two weeks off from work was an enormous burden.  His wife, Lisa, added, “He’s taken a lot of time off from work, but I’m supporting him.  We saved for it. It’s an once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. And I’m just behind him all the way.”

The improvement, documented over the course of an 80-minute web episode (shown above), is extraordinary.  Joshua shares at the end that he “felt like he had hit the lottery.”  And, with true “pay it forward” spirit (one of the tenets of 14 Days – The Great Pool Experiment), Joshua is now training local youth by teaching them the same transformative billiards techniques Tor taught him.

Joshua is not an anomaly.  There have been other participants in Las Vegas, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Indiana, and Texas.  A number of their stories are viewable on YouTube.  Many more will be posted soon. Their stories and skill levels vary widely, though the people Tor accepts all share the same DNA of being passionate, driven, and motivated.   They range from league players to young children, from widows to wounded warriors (including an Iraqi War veteran who lost his arm and plays with a strap).

If this is all starting to sound like an episode of the reality show Restaurant: Impossible or Extreme Weight Loss, that’s not a coincidence.  In fact, Tor says those kinds of shows were the inspiration for 14 Days – The Great Pool Experiment.   Tor, who played pool for a living in the 1990s (and had received professional training from pool legends such as Dallas West, Hal Mix, and Jerry Briesath), had been watching these kind of reality shows and started to wonder if someone could significantly improve their pool game in just 14 days.  “It was an experiment.  I didn’t know if I could do it or not,” said Tor.  That was the genesis of 14 Days. 

Since March of this year, more than 1000 people have applied to participate on 14 Days – The Great Pool Experiment.  Tor’s goal is to teach up to five people a month (sometimes several people on the same table, as was the case in Indiana) through June of 2014. Tor confided the travel and pace can be difficult, especially since he does all the teaching as well as the editing and production work.   And the work is certainly not all altruistic.  As Tor shared, “Every time I put out an episode, I get more interest in my videos and DVDs.  It drives sales.  I break even.”

But, watching the show and talking at length with Tor, it’s apparent that 14 Days is not about getting rich, even if the show ultimately lands a separate sponsor.  The show’s mission is to “make the game of pool easy for everyone.”  Even broader, Tor wants to spread his love of the game. “I want to broaden the appeal of pool…Pool isn’t really dying as a sport, in fact, it’s more popular than ever. Pool simply has changed.  It’s a different audience.  It’s not all about the seedy side.  With 14 Days – The Great Pool Experiment, I hope to demonstrate how a unified pool community is necessary.”