Tag Archives: billiards television

“Pool Sharks” – Monsters (billiards TV episode)

It’s Halloween!  So, once the little ghouls and ghosts are safely tucked in, once the party is over and the Walking Dead costume is back on the hanger, once the jack-o-lantern candles are blown out and the sugar-high has faded, why not cap off the evening with some horror-themed billiards TV, specifically the “Pool Sharks” episode of the cable show Monsters?

Pool Sharks - Billiards TVMonsters was a three-season horror anthology show that ran from 1988-1991 on the Sci-Fi Channel.   Similar to Tales of the Crypt, each 30-minute Monsters episode focused on a monster, ranging from animated mannequins to weapon-wielding lab rats, and often included elements of black comedy, twist endings, and a variety of special effects, some more convincing than others.

[SPOILER ALERT] The aptly-named Monsters episode “Pool Sharks” aired in December 1988 as part of the show’s first season.  The full episode is available below to watch. The episode focuses on  two bar patrons, who face off in a pool game.  Both have secrets; the fact they are both pool hustlers is but the least of those secrets.  One of the patrons is Gabe, an everyman, who enters the bar with his pool cue case in tow and an eye on the vamp at the billiards table.  That vamp is the buxom, pale-skinned, black-clad Natasha, who clearly has a taste for men, as evidenced when she later sucks Gabe’s bleeding finger wound.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uy2yIXdOAmU

After some brief flirtations and a lot of hustler subtext, Natasha and Gabe agree to a game of 50-point straight pool, in which the bet is the winner gets to do whatever s/he wants to the other person’s body. Now, the secrets start getting exposed, as Natasha reveals (to the camera) her fangs, and Gabe starts to probe Natasha’s awareness of a man (Gabe’s brother) who disappeared, having last been seen with a beautiful woman in a pool hall.

Pool Sharks - Billiards TVThe game continues, as each person makes a series of successful (albeit, somewhat easy) trick shots (including a four-balls-in-one-shot beauty), while also gradually pulling back their veils and revealing their true intentions.  (Gabe’s is to avenge his brother.  Natasha’s is to feast on Gabe before the sun rises.)  When the game gets tied 49-49, Natasha appears to win on the next shot, but is thwarted by Gabe (and the usual holy cross vampire trope), who goes on to sink the winning shot and then impales Natasha with his special, hidden-blade cue stick.

While the stakes are totally different, it’s clear “Pool Sharks” is borrowing liberally from the 1961 Twilight Zone episode, “A Game of Pool.”  In that billiards TV show, a local pool player bets his life against a famous, dead pool hustler.  (“Life or death.  You beat me, you live; you lose, you die.”)  The two episodes are also similarly shot in a black-and-white, dimly-lit noir style, with single-table bars in empty pool rooms, mood jazz playing in the background.

By the way, if you really want to make it a billiards Halloween, then I suggest that after watching “Pool Sharks,” you turn to Billy the Kid and the Green Baize Vampire, a 1987 British vampire musical that revolves around a snooker showdown.  One billiards horror movie I would skip, however, is The Understudy: Graveyard Shift II.  This low-budget 1988 film is about a macho vampire named Baisez, who slowly seduces the cast and crew of Blood Lover, a movie about a vampire pool hustler, is painfully hard-to-watch.

For a full plot synopsis of “Pool Sharks,” check out: http://taliesinttlg.blogspot.com/2009/07/monsters-pool-sharks-review-tv-episode.html

Community – “Physical Education”

After having recently suffered through some pretty terrible billiards TV episodes, including “Pool Hall Blues” (Quantum Leap) and “Cheese, Cues, and Blood” (Married with Children), I promise you my excitement about billiards TV has not only been restored, but is now bubbling over, thanks to watching “Physical Education,” from the first season of Community on NBC.

Perhaps, I had been living under a rock, but I had never watched Community, prior to the “Physical Education” episode.  Based on a sample size of one, it’s genius. For the uninitiated, the series, which begins its fifth season in January, is about an idiosyncratic group of individuals of varying ages and backgrounds, who attend and comprise a study group at the fictitious Greendale Community College.

Community - Physical Education - Billiards TV“Physical Education,” which aired in March 2010, has two very loosely related, and equally hilarious, storylines. For this blog, the relevant storyline begins with Jeff Winger (played by Joel McHale), the narcissistic, self-anointed leader of the study group, dressed in leather jacket, skinny black jeans, and black boots, in an attempt to look cool for his first day of “The Art of Pool,” a billiards class taught through the Physical Education Department.

When he gets to class, he becomes first incredulous, and then disgusted, that he has to wear a uniform – specifically, (short) shorts – since this is a P.E. class.  Taunted by Coach Bogner (played by Blake Clark) for “dressing like a model instead of an athlete, sipping martinis and smoking instead of keeping your game on the table,” Jeff replies, “Nobody plays pool like that.  This class is the desecration of America’s coolest sport.”

The real belly-laughs come when Jeff has his epiphanic ‘moment of self-love’ and returns to class, in tight shorts and boots, to challenge the coach in a game of pool.  Dismissing the notion that he should be at Urban Outfitters, he retorts, “First, I have to hand someone their tightly swaddled polyester ass in pool…now do you want to talk about clothes like a girl or do you want use tapered stick to hit balls around a cushioned table like a man?”

Community - Billiards TVCue the music for the final showdown.  And not just any music, but in an awesomely absurd homage to The Color of Money, the music is Warren Zevon’s “Werewolves of London,” with Joel doing an over-the-top impersonation of Tom Cruise in his iconic scene when he unveils his Balabushka. Like Cruise’s Vincent Lauria, Joel slices, dices, and mock-rifle fires with his cue stick (as well as makes a few pretty nice shots).

To further prove the point the he is not just a shallow clothes-whore, Joel then goes three steps farther into crazyland, first removing his shorts and shirt, and then ultimately, his tighty-whities, to make the winning shot, bare-assed, perched on one leg, giving the audience of onlookers and oglers a bit too much to remember.  The scene ends with the Coach proudly accepting defeat, kissing Jeff, and telling him, “from now on, you play pool however you choose, you magnificent son of a bitch.”

Community - Billiards TVIn closing, this episode achieved several things at once.  First, it blazed up the Twittersphere with references to ‘shirtless Joel McHale.’  Second, it helped ensure Community’s second season, as most critics believed “Physical Education” was one of the show’s best.  But, third and most important, it made pool instantly accessible…while still proclaiming it the “coolest sport in America.”

The “Physical Education” episode is available on Hulu Plus or Amazon Instant Video.  For additional commentary on this episode, check out: