Tag Archives: billiards movies

There Are No Thieves in This Village

When Poolhall Junkies premiered in 2002, I remember thinking, “Damn! That’s an incredible roster of talent for a billiards movie.” The film starred two former Oscar winners – Rod Steiger (In the Heat of the Night) and Christopher Walken (The Deeer Hunter), as well the incredible Oscar-nominated Chazz Palminteri (Bullets Over Broadway). My excitement was understandably a wee more muted about the casting of Ricky Schroder.

There Are No Thieves in This VillageBut, if one really wants to experience the who’s-who, one-two wallop of billiards movie casting, then the film to start with is There Are No Thieves in this Village (original title: En este pueblo no hay ladrones), a 1965 Mexican movie about how an impoverished community responds when three billiards balls are stolen from a local saloon.

Created in response to the Mexican STPC film union’s “First Experimental Film Contest,” a competition designed to rejuvenate the struggling Mexican film industry, There Are No Thieves in this Village was the directorial debut (and second prize winner) of Alberto Isaac. The movie is available to watch in its entirety here, but note it is in Spanish and without subtitles.

Shot in black-and-white with minimal budget in only three weeks in Mexico City and Cuautla, the film features a pantheon of modern-day Mexican art and culture intelligentsia. For starters, the movie is based on the identically-named short story written by the hitherto unknown, future Nobel Prize in Literature winning author Gabriel García Márquez, who subsequently had 30 movies made from his stories and novels, including Love in the Time of Cholera.   Marquez also appears in There Are No Thieves in this Village, making it the first of only two cinematic appearances in his career.

Also appearing in the film as a local priest is the Spanish filmmaker Luis Buñuel, who the New York Times referred to in his obituary as “a leader of avant-garde surrealism in his youth and a dominant international movie director half a century later.” Six of his films are listed in Sight & Sound’s 2012 critic’s poll of the 250 films of all time, and three of his films (Tristana; The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie; and That Obscure Object of Desire) have been nominated for Oscars.

Others in the movie include: film director Arturo Ripstein, who won the prestigious National Prize for Arts and Sciences; artist and iconoclast José Luis Cuevas; esteemed author Juan Rulfo; Surrealist painter Leonora Carrington; cartoonists Ernesto García Cabral and Abel Quezada; and critic and journalist Carlos Monsivaís. All of these future cultural leaders were part of a tight circle of friends kept by director Issac and writer (and future film critic) García Riera.

There Are No Thieves in This VillageIt is debatable whether There Are No Thieves in this Village is truly a “billiards movie,” as the only billiards in the film occurs in the opening sequence of three-cushion billiards. (For more on this billiards variant, check out the 2005 film Carambola.) In this sense, it is more akin to the 1991 Swedish film A Paradise Without Billiards, which depicts an immigrant’s life in a community that does not play billiards.

There Are No Thieves in This VillageIn There Are No Thieves in this Village, it is the absence of the balls, resulting from an act of larceny committed by the dim-witted troublemaker Damaso, that causes a community to unravel. Initially, the local denizens find themselves rudderless and without activity. That idleness turns to racist aggression when the community identifies a black man as the culprit of the crime. Damaso, showing no regret or concern for his actions, sits back like a passive spectator, as the black man is first beaten and later sent to sea for his crimes. In fact Damaso, who only took the billiards balls when his felonious efforts turned up no other booty, subsequently even toys with the idea of forming a gang and stealing additional balls as a money-making scheme. It is only when his pregnant wife can no longer contain her guilt by affiliation that Damaso reluctantly attempts to return the billiards balls.1

Watching the movie today, I’d say There Are No Thieves in this Village represents a watershed moment in Mexican film casting (and certainly in billiards movie casting), though the actual film is just of passing interest. I think this one reviewer said it best:

“Every time that I see this movie the result is the same, what were the conditions of the epoch to see such an incredible cast of characters. I haven’t seen another movie with so many artists, at least as important as the artists that appear in this movie… If someone is interested in Mexican culture at that time this film is absolutely a must.”

Thus, as an end to this post, and as a final postscript, let us say R.I.P. to Gabriel García Márquez, who passed away earlier this year in April.

1       My summary may be slightly inaccurate given both the movie and the short story were in Spanish.

The Strickland Story

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Maybe it should come as no surprise that The Strickland Story documentary, produced and aired by Sky Sports Productions on November 27, 2013, provoked a lot of heated online debate, specifically around Earl Strickland’s claim, “I’m one of the greatest athletes America has ever produced.”

Strickland StoryIn the days after the documentary aired, billiards message boards and forums lit up with debates raging between ardent admirers and heated haters. Many professed their lifelong support for Strickland, calling him “amazing,” “a pool god,” and “brilliant.” On the other end of the spectrum, some of the borderline unprintable comments included, “Someone should just show him a picture of Efren Reyes and tell him to shut the f*** up!,” or “His arrogance and unsportsmanlike conduct make him an a**hole,” or “This guy is a nut sack! There is no talent here!! His ego is the only thing happening here!”

As a billiards movie blogger, and only an amateur pool player, I certainly do not feel qualified to deliver an opinion on whether Earl “The Pearl” Strickland is, in fact, the greatest. (Though given he won the US Open Nine-Ball Championship five times and the WPA World Nine-Ball Championship three times, I think anyone who tries to claim Strickland ‘doesn’t have talent’ should be forced to watch an endless loop of Strickland’s mind-blowing performance in the 1996 Million Dollar Challenge.) But, I do want to set the record straight on a few things:

  1. Strickland StoryThe documentary did not declare Strickland to be the “greatest player ever.” At some point in the lead-up to the film’s release or shortly thereafter, the title morphed into The Earl Strickland Story: The Greatest Ever, but this apposition never actually appears in the 46 minutes of film.
  2. Strickland is far from the first athlete to declare himself the “greatest athlete” in his/her sport. This superlative has been proclaimed, in one variant or another, by many, including Muhammad Ali (boxing), Ricky Henderson (baseball), Usain Bolt (track), Randy Moss (football), Federica Pellegrini (swimming), Maurice Greene (track), and Shaun Palmer (snowboarding). One or two of these athletes probably could make legitimate claims. Few, if any, probably set off such a backlash of anger.
  3. There have been many “Greatest Athletes of All Time” lists (e.g., Bleacher Report, ESPN). To my knowledge, not one of those lists has ever included a billiards player. Chew on that sad fact for a moment.
  4. Finally, Strickland’s complete quote was, “I’m one of the greatest athletes America has ever produced, whether the general public has acknowledged it or not. That’s how I feel.” Some may call this arrogance, others may call this confidence. In any event, it’s self-opinion from one of the most passionate, committed athletes alive.

Haters aside, there are probably two types of viewers for this documentary: (1) those who know very little about Strickland; and (2) those who know a lot about Strickland. Both viewers are in for a great documentary, which you can watch in its entirety here.

For those who know very little about Strickland, the documentary succinctly charts his biography, from learning to play billiards at the age of 8, when his father first snuck him into a pool hall in North Carolina to becoming “the best player in Houston by age 19” to entering tournament play and winning five US Open Nine-Ball Championships (more than any player in history) to participating in the Mosconi Cup. Some criticized the film for not including the Million Dollar Challenge or the Color of Money match against Efren Reyes, but with more than 50 titles and achievements to Strickland’s name, it would have been impossible to hit on all the highlights.

The film also effectively weaves in interviews with Strickland, sports event promoter Barry Hearn, and pool legends Johnny Archer and Rodney Morris, among others, to present the complexity of Strickland’s character. As Archer says, “He is not understood well. I think he is a genius on the pool table.”

Strickland StoryThose interviews reveal Strickland’s obsession with the sport (“Pool has taken over my mind, my soul, everything. I eat, sleep obviously, but other than that, I go to the pool table. It’s almost like a drug, I got to have it.”); his volatility (“he’s borderline mad”); his antics (i.e., jumping on the table after his win in Cardiff and declaring, “I’m king of the world.”); his occasional aggression to the fans (i.e., threatening them with a cue stick and later breaking it at the Mosconi Cup); and his intensity (“You think it’s some kind of game or something. It ain’t no game. I’m dead serious. I’ll shoot your liver out and hand it to you.”).

But, The Strickland Story is equally enlightening for those who sought more than the biopic headlines. For example, it delves into his bipolar personality, or what Barry Hearn calls his “Jekyll and Hyde character.” The film also reveals how the same fans he has been known to chastise are the ones who enabled him to pivot from a career as a gambler to a career as a professional player. (“People don’t clap for gamblers. I felt something inside of me when people clapped. Someone asked me for my autograph. I changed just like that…a better life where I was appreciated.”)

Strickland StoryRegardless of one’s familiarity with Strickland, it is impossible not to be moved by the documentary’s ending. Blaming both himself (“I made bad decisions. It’s not pool’s fault.”) and the general public (“Years ago, I would have been proud of who I am. That doesn’t exist anymore. You stripped me of that.”) for his pecuniary condition, he laments the state of pool today, including the lack of respect and financial options available for players:

“I have to live in a city of 30 million to make some money…exhibition are gone…I’m lucky I still have a name…every time we get some hope, it gets dashed…we have no hype, we’re all broke…I don’t understand how you could desert this game, how could my country desert this game…I am here to protect and preserve this game the way I found it…if pool deserves to die and not get us respected and make us millionaires, then all sports deserve to die.”

In all the many posted comments I read about The Strickland Story, the one that resonated most with me was from Aleo on the Two Plus Two forum. He writes, “The sad thing about this documentary is that you can see how heartbroken [Strickland] is about the state of the game. Everyone always talks so much about how talented or explosive Earl may be, but as good as he is, what’s always impressed me most about him is how much he genuinely LOVES pool. Honestly I’m not sure anyone loves pool as much as Strickland does.”

Fresh Prince of Bel-Air – “Banks Shot”

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Banks ShotThe late 1980s and early 1990s experienced a surge of black sitcoms. Two of the leaders in that category were Family Matters, which first aired in September 1989 and had 215 episodes over 11 seasons, and The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, which first aired in September 1990 and had 148 episodes over six seasons. Family Matters, the more successful of the two, was the second-longest running black sitcom (behind The Jeffersons), though Fresh Prince arguably had a bigger impact on popular culture, as the vehicle behind the meteoric rise of its star, Will Smith.

A more practical exercise around comparing the two shows is in the genre of billiards TV, where each series made a contribution: the “Fast Eddie Winslow” episode of Family Matters (November, 1990) and the “Banks Shot” episode of Fresh Prince (February, 1991).

In “Fast Eddie Winslow,” the high-schooler Eddie fancies himself a pool shark after winning a series of games. But, when he agrees to raise the stakes to $25/game, he is quickly hustled, owing his opponent now $250. With violence imminent, Eddie’s father and grandmother show up in the nick of time, and erase the debt with a series of trick shots.

Banks Shot“Banks Shot” aired just four months later, and essentially recycled the storyline, albeit with a few positive twists. (It would not be the last reenactment of this billiards trope. The Steve Harvey Show episode “Pool Sharks Git Bit” copied it six years later.) In “Banks Shot,” high-schooler Will (Will Smith) ignores the admonitions of his Uncle Phil (James Avery) by taking the Mercedes Benz to a seedy pool hall. There, he makes some fast money by besting a few of the locals in eight-ball. (This includes making a shot through the legs, doing a no-look combination, as well as hitting a handful of can’t miss multi-ball shots, all while strutting to Snap!’s 1990 anthem, “The Power.”) But, like the impudent Eddie, Will’s cocksureness blinds himself to the true ability of his forthcoming opponent, Charlie Mack. Boasting “ain’t no thing like a chicken wing, my game is all that,” Will rapidly goes down $300. Suddenly realizing he’s been hustled (or a victim of “creative money management,” as his opponent says), Will must put up his uncle’s car as collateral until he can pay the debt.

In “Banks Shot,” it’s not the father-grandmother coming to the rescue, but rather Uncle Phil. This is an improvement over the “Fast Eddie Winslow” progenitor, since Uncle Phil does not disclose to Will his plan for getting back the money. In fact, he intentionally misleads Will, first by attempting to make a legal argument for restitution with the pool hall proprietor, and then by insisting that billiards “can’t be that difficult – I’ve seen it on TV,” and playing Charlie Mack in a $20/ball game of pool, which Uncle Phil subsequently loses.

Banks ShotNow further in debt, Charlie Mack successfully raises the stakes to $100/ball. [SPOILER ALERT!] It is at this moment that the hustler becomes the hustled, as Uncle Phil asks Geoffrey (his tag-along butler) for his cue stick Lucille, which Geoffrey promptly unsheathes from his pants leg. Armed with Lucille, the usually humorless Uncle Phil becomes a performer, swaggering around the table to the song “Soul Man,” and making consecutive trick shots, including a one-hander (while eating a sandwich), four-rail shots, and four-ball combinations. The pool hall patrons, including Will, can only watch in awe, as Uncle Phil wins back the debt, plus $600. Turns out Uncle Phil frequented a fair number of pool halls in his days, which is also why he tried to shelter his nephew from the dangerous elements that reside within. (“You think I’m trying to spoil your fun? I just want you to come home in one piece.”)

The episode may lack originality, and the moralistic ending is beyond heavy-handed, but it’s a hoot to watch the actor James Avery, who sadly died earlier this year, shed his patriarchal mien and assume the jaunty pool hustler persona.

“Banks Shot” is available to order online through Amazon.

Wilson Jones

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In October 2013, snooker returned to its birth country when the Indian Open, a professional ranking snooker tournament, was held in New Delhi.   It was the first ever ranking snooker event played in India. Among the 64 participating players from around the world, two of the lower-ranked players, Pankaj Advani and Aditya Mehta, were both from India. Surprising many, both made it to the quarter-finals, where they played one another, and Mehta made it all the way to the finals, where he lost to China’s heavily-favored Ding Junhui.

Almost exactly one decade before that landmark historical event, the world lost one of the greatest Indian snooker (and billiards) legends, Wilson Jones, a man likely not well-known among many billiards fans, though surely revered by Advani and Mehta, who would have each been just 18 years old when Jones died.

Fortunately, the Films Division of India released from its vaults a 17-minute documentary film, Wilson Jones, about the snooker sensation.   Directed in 1971 by Vijay B. Chandra, the biopic reveals snippets of the life of this humble champion by interspersing billiards footage with family interviews and scenes of Wilson Jones presiding at his Bombay home and proudly displaying his stereo system. The film is available to watch here:

As is shared in the film, Wilson Jones not only won the amateur National Billiards Championship of India 12 times, and the World Amateur Billiards Championship (now known as the ISBF World Billiards Championship) twice, in 1958 and 1964, but also was India’s first world champion in any sport. He won numerous Indian awards, including the Arjuna Award (best sportsman), which is shown in the film (3:10), and the Dronacharya Award (best coach). At the time of documentary, Wilson Jones had already retired from billiards. He says the decision was driven to spend more time with his family, as well as a conviction that the best time to retire is when one is “at the top of [his] career.”

Wilson Jones 2The film’s narrative is not that revealing or insightful, though it’s interesting to hear one unnamed player describe him as an “extremely tough man to beat in competition because of his cool temperament and great determination,” and another describe him “as a person better than he is as a player because he is considerate, helpful, always willing to give a hand to any person who wants to learn.”

Perhaps, more disappointing is that the film itself is shot rather unimaginatively, given direction by Vijay B. Chandra and production by Pramod Pati, two leaders in Indian experimental film of that era. While there are a handful of unusual close-ups and camera angles sprinkled through the film, it’s still fairly vanilla, in comparison to Chandra’s surreal Child on a Chessboard or Pati’s psychedelic short film Abid.

Toward the end of the film, Wilson Jones says that, “in snooker [India is] a little way behind. The gap has been narrowed a bit [but] what we need is [for] these snooker boys to go out more often…and eventually, India should be very good.” It may have taken longer than he had hoped, but with players like Advani and Mehta now making global headlines, it seems Wilson Jones’ legacy has become complete.

Drake & Josh – “Pool Shark”

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Billiards movies and TV episodes are replete with shrewd, cunning hustlers: “Fast Eddie” Felson (The Hustler), Johnny Doyle (Poolhall Junkies), Nick Casey (The Baltimore Bullet), Kitty Montgomery (Dharma & Greg – “Do the Hustle”), even Mr. Ed (Mr. Ed – “Ed the Pool Player”).

But, the uninitiated, unknowing and unwilling hustler is a far less common trope within the genre. Until a couple of days ago, the only example that came to mind was Chow Siu-Ling, the naïve man-child played by Stephen Chow in the 1991 Hong Kong film Legend of the Dragon. In that movie, Siu-Ling is a snooker prodigy who his cousin Yan stake-horses (without Siu-Ling’s knowledge) to pay off Yan’s gambling debts. Once Siu-Ling catches wind of his cousin’s hustling plot, he becomes quickly traumatized and unable to play the sport.

Drake & Josh - Pool SharkSure enough, no inane plotline stays retired for long in the world of entertainment. Thirteen years after the release of Legend of the Dragon, the dewy-eyed, nescient hustler returns, this time in the form of the socially inept high-school student Josh Nichols. Played by Josh Peck, Nichols was one half of the titular duo in Drake & Josh, the Nickelodeon sitcom that ran for four seasons from 2004 to 2007. His conniving, but immature, stepbrother, Drake Parker (played by Drake Bell), was the other half.

Drake & Josh - Pool SharkIn the 2004, Season 2 “Pool Shark” episode of Drake & Josh, Drake learns that Josh is a pool powerhouse when he is forced to bring him on as a partner in a game of doubles. Josh’s secret: “It’s just basic geometry and physics.” Drake quickly hatches a plan to exploit Josh’s skills and hustle all the local denizens by first duping Josh to publicly throw a game to a “bunch of losers.” Once people start lining up to play, Drake encourages Josh to “show ‘em what he got,” but conceals from Josh he’s swindling the opponents at twenty dollars per game.  (For some reason, even after Josh makes a series of impressive caroms and multi-ball shots, no one wises up to the fact that they may be getting hustled.)

The plan predictably falls apart when Josh inadvertently learns that Drake has been “playing for profit,” rather than to “hang out and have fun.” Even when Drake tries to make amends by buying Josh a cue stick or tantalizing him with a rack of oranges, Josh refuses to resume playing, retorting, “Keep your citrus to yourself.” Josh, however, gets his revenge in the end when [SPOILER ALERT!] he enlists two former counselors to dress up as pool-playing roughnecks (?!) and threaten Drake into promising to disavow his hustling ways.

For a pretty lame billiards TV episode, there are a handful of impressive (but not overly showy) billiards shots. In an interview years later, the actor Josh Peck responding to a question about his pool ability by revealing, “I’m an awful pool player. I’m terrible at table sports – pool, table tennis. I’m pretty amazing at chess, but thank god for TV magic.”

Jan McWorter

Jan McWorter

That “TV magic” was, in fact, the handiwork of Jan McWorter, now best associated with McWorter Cues. She was the billiards consultant for the “Pool Shark” episode. McWorter’s story is an interesting one. First introduced to pool at the age of nine, she began playing competitive billiards in 1985 but quickly got tired of life on the road. Looking to change her life, she met Robin (Dodson) Bell, the world champion pool player and – yes!! – the mother of Drake Bell (from Drake & Josh). McWorter moved in with the Bell family in 1987 and became a born-again Christian. She subsequently returned to billiards two and a half years later, eventually becoming a top ranked WPBA player in 1993 and later becoming active in commercials, movies, television shows, and pool exhibitions.

This all begs the question whether it could have been Drake Bell making the pool shots in “Pool Shark” instead of Josh Peck. After all, there is a Drake Bell cue stick. And that’s no hustle.

The full “Pool Shark” episode of Drake & Josh is available to watch here.

Shotgun Slade – “The Pool Shark”

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The American Western television series Shotgun Slade came out in 1959, widely recognized as the peak year for television westerns, with 26 such shows airing during prime-time. While it only lasted two years, Shotgun Slade differentiated itself from the herd by having the show’s star, Scott Brady, portray a private detective (rather than a gunfighter or sheriff) who carried an intimidating (and unique on TV) customized shotgun that fired a 12-gauge shell out of its upper barrel and a 35-caliber bullet from its lower register. The series also featured a modern jazz score by Stanley Wilson instead of traditional Western-themed music.

Since Shotgun Slade went off the air in 1961, several home entertainment companies have tried to resurrect interest in the show.  Echo Bridge (formerly the Platinum Disc Corporation) released a total of 15 episodes in 2004.  Timeless Media followed in 2007 by releasing 10 episodes on DVD, almost all of them duplicative with the Echo Bridge series.  Finally Alpha Home Entertainment jumped on the bandwagon in 2009, releasing a 3-DVD series of 12 episodes, again almost repetitive.  

Yet, with all of these releases, not one included “The Pool Shark,” a February 1960 billiards episode from the first season of Shotgun Slade.  Fortunately, an avid reader of this blog shared with me his private recording of the episode. 

Lamentably, it’s a pretty unremarkable episode 🙁 . On his way home, Slade visits a local inn, where he is invited by Jim Dooley, a traveling shoe salesman, to play billiards. Dooley is a bit of a hustler, who’s known to have a few enemies. As Dooley is about to make a three ball run against Slade, he shoots the 8-ball, which explodes and kills him. The rest of the episode is dedicated to Slade trying to solve the mystery of Dooley’s murder.

Hardly memorable, “The Pool Shark” may, however, have been historic: to my knowledge, it is the first television Western episode to focus on billiards. But, it was not the last Western to highlight billiards on the TV screen or the silver screen.  

One year later, the television series The Rifleman featured a billiards episode called “Shattered Idol.” The stakes got significantly higher, and the billiards playing got far more innovative, in the 1967 “The Lady is My Wife” episode from Bob Hope Presents the Chrysler Theatre. In that episode, a gambler puts up his wife as the stake in a contest with a cowboy who wants to marry her. The contest is a pool game played on horseback inside the cowboy’s baronial mansion.

One year later, both the film Coogan’s Bluff featured cowboy Clint Eastwood in a well-known battle scene with cue sticks and billiard balls, and the Eli Wallach Western Ace High had cowboys playing billiards on horses.  Returning to television, the popular Western series Gunsmoke aired a 1974  billiards episode called “Cowtown Hustler.”  Several years later, James Caan showed his equestrian billiards skills in Another Man, Another Chance. Finally, in 1984, the Mexican film La Muerte cruzó el río Bravo reprised the horseback billiards concept as shown here (starting at 10:51).

Shooting Gallery

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Talk about a monte that is just plain jecka. Like sugar, honey, iced, tea. Are you smelling what I’m stepping in?

Actually, I hope you don’t step in it. I hope you run from it.

Shooting GalleryBecause this sort of exaggerated slang is just one of the many problems with the 2005 straight-to-video billiards movie Shooting Gallery (aka Poolhall Prophets). Aspiring to be some mash-up between The Hustler and The Sting, Shooting Gallery tries to generate credibility by overindulging in the argot of pool hustlers and con artists. But, 30% of the lingo is made-up (according to the special feature), and the remaining 70% is so forced, it feels like the director/writer Keoni Waxman was double-dared to make every fifth word some form of billiards slang. Even worse, Waxman lacks the confidence to let the script breathe meaning into the words, and instead resorts to a cheap bit of opening credit hokum by literally showing translations of the jargon (e.g., “on the lemon” = playing bad on purpose; “shortstop” = local player; “cecil” = $100; etc.).

If the pool patois were the only problem in Shooting Gallery, maybe the monte (= movie) would be passable. Unfortunately, the entire 102 minutes is mos def (= most definitely) jecka ( = terrible). Behind the horrible dialogue is nonsensical story about Jericho Hudson (Freddie Prinze Jr, whose acting in this film makes Keanu Reeves appear Oscar-worthy), a street-smart pool player, who falls in with the Tribe, a New Orleans gaggle of hustlers, led by Cue Ball Carl Bridgers (Ving Rhames), a chicken-foot sucking, 8-ball cane-wielding kingpin. Each Tribe member is tattooed with an 8-ball, which makes beaucoup (= lots of) sense, given they are supposed to be incognito 9-ball hustlers.

Jericho quickly rises through the ranks of the Tribe; his success driven by his gift for hustling 9-ball and his ability to say with a straight face craptacular (= awful) dialogue, such as, “I was a hustler with a goal, which would make either happy or dead.” His one weakness seems to be Jezebel Black (Roselyn Sanchez), who “looked like two scoops of ice cream on a warm summer day.” (So that means what exactly…?)

Shooting Gallery.v2Jericho gets himself into some trouble when he tries to hustle on the side. Jezebel gets herself into some trouble when she can’t pay off her gambling debts to ex-NFL great Bill Romanowksi. People keep getting hustled at the Shooting Gallery, a billiards hall run by Cue Ball Carl and widely and illogically known as a hustler’s paradise. A corrupt cop shows up with a need to set up a 9-ball game against Cue Ball Carl so he can retrieve a video cassette, the maguffin of the film. A coked-up crackshot named Tenderloin Tony appears, but is then killed. Some pool is played, but not that much. More idiotic dialogue is sputtered (“If I’m lying, I’m dying. – Jericho Hudson).

None of this make a lick of sense. Shooting Gallery plays like a string of two-bit hustling clichés strung together by poor acting and middle school dialogue. As I said at the start, this film is sugar, honey, iced, tea (= S.H.I.T.).

Shooting Gallery is widely available to rent or purchase online.

Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet – “Pool Table”

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Billiards has always been about more than shooting balls into pockets. In television dramas, the pool hall is often the milieu, and the pool match a metaphor, for determining one’s future existence and ability to live (e.g., Quantum Leap – “Pool Hall Blues”; Twilight Zone – “A Game of Pool”; Monsters – “Pool Sharks”).

In billiards TV sitcoms, one’s life may not quite so much hang in the balance (this is comedy, after all), but the pool match nonetheless remains the arbiter of the future.   Just consider Ralph Kramden’s error in judgment when he upsets Harvey on the pool table (The Honeymooners – “The Bensonhurst Bomber”) or cadet Francis’ grudge match against Commandant Spangler (Malcolm in the Middle – “Waterpark”) or Oscar Madison’s desperate match to save the reputation of his roommate Felix Unger (The Honeymooners – “The Hustler”).

Billiards life was not always so complicated. Billiards matches were not always about losing your car (Dharma & Greg – “Do the Hustle”), or your money (Family Matters – “Fast Eddie Winslow”) or your job (Mr. Belvedere – “Tornado”).

Almost sixty years ago, the most complicated decision one faced when it came to billiards was where to put the pool table. At least, that’s the premise of the utterly domestic billiards TV episode “Pool Table” (November, 1956) from the fifth season of that quintessentially wholesome sitcom, The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet.

ScreenClip2As many will recall, Ozzie and Harriet, which aired from 1952-1966, making it still the longest-running live action American sitcom in television history, focused on the daily living of the real-life Nelson family (Ozzie, Harriet, and their two sons, Ricky and David). The show’s plotlines focused on typical problems around dating, marriage, and careers.

In “Pool Table,” which you can watch here in its entirety, the original problem is not the pool table, but that Ricky has too much clutter in his room, so he doesn’t have space to complete his homework. Ozzie’s initial solution to buy the kids filing cabinets is shelved when he instead buys a pool table from the local department store. “They were all out of filing cabinets, so I got a pool table instead,” explains Ozzie.

http://youtu.be/fIOSKETzyBI

Harriet’s surprise turns to disapproval when Ozzie temporarily sets up the pool table in the family room. Ozzie’s retort, “What are we going to do with it? Well, isn’t that just like a woman,” doesn’t ameliorate the situation. Thus begins the pool table’s peregrination from the dining room to the kitchen to the garage to the outside yard. Everyone is temporarily happy when Ozzie’s neighbor, Thorny, volunteers to keep it his in rumpus room, but that plan is quickly reversed once Ozzie realizes his neighbor is not home enough to let him access it.

ScreenClipRunning out of rooms, Ozzie enlists the support of his kids to jerry-rig a pulley system and haul the pool table up three stories to locate it in the attic via the outdoor window. This solution seems to be perfect, until the weight of the pool table causes its legs to crash through the attic floor and into the kids’ bedroom.

But, this being 1956, and the benefit of household cleanliness far outweighing the morbid likelihood of the rest of the pool table falling from its perch and crushing the kids, the decision is made to use the space between the protruding pool legs as a makeshift shelf, thereby enabling the kids to remove their clutter…which solves the original problem! And, for added giggles, the kids can still play pool upstairs, just now on their knees. As I said, life was much simpler back then.

Extended Rest (in production)

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A guy walks into a snooker club. He sees two elderly gentlemen at a nearby table. One of the men is partially sighted, the other largely deaf.

Extended RestIf you’re waiting for the punch line, this is no joke. Quite the contrary, this was part of the impetus behind Oliver Crocker’s decision to make Extended Rest, a new snooker film currently in production, which tells the story of a retired professional player, who tries to make a comeback in his sixties.

It’s been almost 30 years since the British “snooker movie boom,” which included the deplorable Number One (1984), the campy musical Billy Kid and the Green Baize Vampire (1985), and the laudable BBC series Give Us a Break (1983). Since that heyday, some snooker short films (e.g., Snooker (2000)) and the Big Break game show have surfaced, and Hong Kong entered the market with the movie Legend of the Dragon (1991) featuring Jimmy White, and the television series The King of Snooker (2009), but it’s otherwise been a barren cinematic wasteland for the sport of snooker.

Mr. Crocker seeks to change that with Extended Rest, starring Tony Osoba (from the BBC sitcom Porridge, as well as Give Us a Break) as Terry “the Grenade” Kincaid, who returns to the green baize after the death of his wife. Though a lengthy email exchange, Mr. Crocker opened up to me about the origins of the movie, his personal connections to snooker, his good fortune to cast snooker legend Neal Foulds, and his timeline for getting the film in front of audiences. The following are excerpts from that exchange:

Why did you decide to make this movie?

Extended Rest

Tony Osoba practicing

“I’ve wanted to make a snooker movie for about 10 years… [Tony Osoba and I] play at the Twickenham Club and we mused to the owners the idea of making a film there and they have been terrific support, out of this world… When you think of some of the all-time great snooker matches, they often play out like a movie script…People are easy to criticize snooker, calling it boring. I think they’re barmy, it’s drama and skill of the highest order.”

What is your personal connection to snooker?

“I’ve watched snooker with my Dad all of my life, both on the telly and live at The Crucible and Wembley…We had a miniature table at home and he would play me as soon as he got home from work, as long as I’d done all my homework. I used to play both of my Grandads too, treasured memories… [I also] have many happy memories at school of playing snooker with my friends.

I was lucky enough to interview both Ali Carter and Jimmy White for the “This Morning” program on ITV (my day job) for our Male Cancer Awareness Week. I’ve interviewed Tom Cruise, Madonna, Jason Statham… but trust me, I was more nervous and excited about meeting Jimmy and Ali – and they were both absolute gentlemen, really good fun, generous with their time and I got to film them both practice, which was a thrill. So snooker is a massive part of my life and I’m grateful for it.”

How much snooker should viewers expect to see?

“There are four matches and a healthy amount of practice sessions. Tony Osoba has been working very hard on his practice. Tony plays every shot in the film himself. We’ve got some great out-takes along the way too. “

How did you get Neal Foulds, who once was the third best snooker player in the world, to appear in Extended Rest?

Extended Rest

Oliver Crocker and Neal Foulds

“Tony Osoba and Shirin Taylor (our leading lady) had met working on the BBC’s snooker series Give Us a Break. The snooker coach on this series was Geoff Foulds, Neal’s Dad, who taught Tony how to play snooker, the right stance etc. So I tweeted Neal Foulds one day to tell him about the film. Neal recalled meeting Tony during the filming of Give Us a Break and said that Extended Rest sounded fun. So I asked him if he would consider making a cameo. I sent him the opening twenty minutes of the film, where there is a climactic battle on the baize between Terry Kincaid and Alec Slater. Because this is Terry’s first match against an opponent since retiring, in his head he returns to his glory days of walking out to the sound of applause, after an introduction from an MC and then during the match, he imagines hearing commentary from Foulds.

Neal agreed, and he came down to ITV, where I work, and recorded his commentary. We chatted for ages before we recorded, he is such a friendly guy, great sense of humor and he seemed to like the fact that I knew my stuff about snooker. I had [even] used some of his comments from real matches in the script.”

How long do audiences have to wait until they can see Extended Rest?

“We are filming in four mini blocks…By the end of August, we’ll have filmed half of the film. The opening twenty minutes of the film is complete – all edited, graded and scored…The final filming block is scheduled for November this year, so the release will be 2015, when exactly I don’t know, but it will be exciting to find out!”

Mr. Crocker has called Extended Rest his “love letter to snooker.” Frankly, he had me when the guy walked into the snooker club. We’ve waited 30 years. We can certainly wait another 6-12 months.

To keep up with the progress of Extended Rest, follow the director (@olivercrocker) and the film (@Extended_Rest) on Twitter.

Top 10 Cartoon Cue Stick Carriers

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Beetle Bailey - Cartoon BilliardsRecently, I stumbled across the cover of a 1967 Beetle Bailey comic book featuring Private Beetle Bailey in one of his many ongoing efforts to taunt, tease, and rattle Sergeant Orville Snorkel, this time as he attempts to play pool. Looking at Mort Walker’s snaggle-toothed military man set up his shot, it made me wonder how many other cartoon and animated characters played billiards. While the list below is far from comprehensive, it is my attempt to list the TOP 10 CARTOON (AND ANIMATED) CUE STICK CARRIERS. Let the countdown begin:

Pinnochio - Cartoon Billiards10. Pinocchio. Gepetto may be harboring some regrets now that the Blue Fairy has breathed some life into his wooden puppet Pinocchio. In the 1940 film Pinocchio, the path to becoming a real boy is littered with distractions, including playing pool with the delinquent Lampwick and taking deep drags on fat cigars. My advice: keep listening to your “conscience” Jiminy Cricket…except when it comes to shooting billiards. For that, better to listen to Lampwick. He’s quite the shark!

Pat & Mat - Cartoon Billiards9. Pat & Mat. In the 1994 “Billiard” episode of the Czech stop-motion animated series Pat & Mat, the two handymen are determined to play a game destíkový carambol, which is Czech for “tenfold carom,” a variation of the carom billiards game four-ball. However, a faulty table leg dooms the game to one Rube Goldbergian solution after another, with balls eventually falling down the toilet and exploding in the fireplace.

Casper - Cartoon Billiards8. Casper. It’s hard to believe the Friendly Ghost could hold a cue stick, never mind make three balls in the same shot, but apparently that’s what this affable phantasm is capable of, according to this 1958 comic book. The jury is still out whether being able to float through a table is a true advantage. He did scratch, after all.

 

Woody Woodpecker - Cartoon Billiards7. Woody Woodpecker. The anthropomorphic avian with the annoying laugh is a long-time pool player, based on the 2002 “Cue the Pool Shark” episode of The New Woody Woodpecker Show. Facing off against his nemesis Buzz Buzzard, Woody manages to outplay the cheater with a series of gravity-defying trick shots.

 

Rainbow Fish - Cartoon Billiards6. Rainbow Fish. In the 2000 “Pool Shark” episode of Rainbow Fish, Chomper’s cousin Slick is visiting Neptune’s Bay, where he likes to hang at Wanda’s Café, which has a new pool table. The piscine pool player dazzles initially, causing Rainbow to swear his allegiance as a personal assistant and blow off his other friends. But, apparently his game is more cheating than skills, causing one to question the real upside of playing with flippers.

Marvel-DC - Cartoon Billiards5. Captain America. DC and Marvel collide in the pool hall, as America’s #1 Freedom Fighter temporarily puts down his shield and picks up his cue stick. Unfortunately, he might have been a little too distracted by Rogue in her thigh-highs, as he ends up knocking over the Man of Steel’s drink. Major pool faux pas…but then judging by Cap’s stance and grip, billiards was never really his game.

Tom & Jerry - Cartoon Billiards4. Tom & Jerry. Viewers of Tom & Jerry will recall that these two animals can really brawl. In the 1950 episode “Cue Ball Cat,” the battle takes place in a pool hall. Over the course of seven minutes, Tom torments Jerry with a variety of billiards shots that leave him spinning, reeling, running, chalked, and even imprinted (temporarily, of course) with an 8-ball on the backside.  Jerry, never one to back down from the big kitty, fights back, batting billiards balls into Tom’s eyes, shooting the bridge like an arrow into Tom’s mouth, and fooling Tom into swallowing seven balls.

Fred Flintstone - Cartoon Billiards3. Fred Flintstone. “Twinkletoes” may be well-known for his bowling and golf games, but the famous caveman of bedrock also had a real talent for pool, even with slightly crooked sticks and uneven billiards balls. Flintstone showed off his skills in the 1960 Flintstones episode, “At the Races,” as he and his BFF Barney Rubble hatch a get-rich-quick scheme that involves owning a pool hall.

Death Billiards2. Death Billiards. For real high-stakes billiards, check out the “death match” between the young and old man in the 2013 anime film Death Billiards. These two have been brought to a bar to compete in a game of billiards and to “play as if their lives depended on it.”  While it’s unclear who actually wins the game, let’s just say one should never play pool with balls that are adorned with images of body parts.

 

Donald in Mathmagic Land1. Donald Duck. Even if his game is not great, Donald ultimately develops the best attitude about billiards, learning to appreciate the games for its mathematical beauty in the 1957 featurette Donald in Mathmagic Land.   With the Spirit providing the educational commentary on the diamond system and an unidentified Roman Yanez providing the incredible three-cushion billiards visuals, this duck is well on his way to becoming a shark.

So, there’s my Top 10 list. Just don’t let that Wascally Wabbit know he didn’t make the cut. I hear once he puts down the carrot and picks up the cue stick, he’s quite the pro. See a character missing? Let me know who would be on your Top 10.