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One More Top 10 Billiards Commercial List

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With a teeth-clenching finale, the Los Angeles Rams edged out the Cincinnati Bengals 23-20, bringing a blue-and-yellow confetti-drenched close to Super Bowl LVI. The game was truly historical, and not just because Sean McVay was the youngest coach to win the coveted trophy or quarterback Joe Burrow got sacked seven times. History was made off the field, as advertisers paid an average of $6.5 million for a 30-second spot; some spots allegedly sold for almost $7 million.[1] Maybe it’s worth it. According to Nielsen, 27%-50% of the 100 million viewers prefer the commercials to the game.

Regrettably, billiards had only a fleeting cameo this year when professional golfer Brooks Koepka put down the cue stick to pick up the bowling ball in Michelob Ultra’s “Welcome to Superior Bowl” campaign. (In comparison, billiards was a prominent player in Super Bowl XXXV during Dentyne’s CGI-heavy “Pool Hall” commercial, as well as Super Bowl XLVIII, when Bob Dylan casually played pool toward the end of Chrysler’s two-minute spot.)

Brooks Kopeka (Michelob Ultra, “Welcome to Superior Bowl”)

Billiards may have been absent from this weekend’s big game, but the sport has been a mainstay of commercials across the globe for many years, as I have shared in my previous blog posts, Top 10 Billiards Breaks and Another Top 10 Billiards Commercial List. So, as a salute to the advertising record-breakers, I present One More Top 10 Billiards Commercial List, complete with 10 billiards commercials from around-the-world that are entirely different from those cited on my other two lists. Let the Clio ceremony begin!

10. Trebor Softmints. In 1984, Jimmy White not only won the Masters snooker tournament, and the World Doubles Championships with his partner Alex Higgins, but he also starred in an advertisement for England’s famous “minty bit stronger” confectionery Trebor Softmints. In this particular commercial, “The Whirlwind” hastily clears the table on his opponent Tornado Thompson because the snooker match is the only obstacle in the way of his next Softmint.

9. Roshan. At first glance, this 2012 “Pool Hall” commercial is hardly list-worthy. It features a quintet of friends amiably and not so successfully playing snooker. But the commercial is for Roshan, the largest telecom provider in Afghanistan. That makes “Pool Table” the first Afghan artifact I have encountered showing billiards on the screen. And, it’s an impressive turnaround for the sport, given a decade before the commercial aired, snooker was banned by the Taliban.

8. Cream Silk. Shanelle Loraine is arguably the Anna Kournikova of billiards; if not for her incredible looks, nobody would be talking about her. Consider the facts: in 2010, Unilever turned to this “Billiards Champion” (!?) to market the “beauty and power” of its hair conditioner in this commercial, though her tournament earnings were just $315 that year and her position on the AZB leaderboard was 1,288. Maybe that’s why the commercial ends with a cheap-o trick shot.

7. Goldfish Epic Crunch Nacho. Like Oddjob crushing the golf ball in Goldfinger, so too does Epic Crunch Nacho, our goldfish-headed superhero, prove his strength and “powerful crunch” by interrupting a friendly pool match to crush an eight-ball with his bare hand. Created by Young & Rubicam, this 2019 “Billiards” commercial may have won over salty snack lovers, but it left billiards fans howling in protest about the poor sportsmanship, never mind the impact it had on our heroine Pretzel.

6. Rolex. Any advertisement that includes the iconic scene from The Color of Money when Paul Newman sees his reflection in the two-ball and forfeits the semifinal match is going to make this list. The fact that Rolex beautifully showcased not only this scene, but also clips from 18 other films, such as Network, Speed, Titanic, Selma, and Apocalypse Now, in its 2017 “Celebrating Cinema” commercial, is truly mesmerizing and impressive. The common denominator? All the featured characters are wearing Rolexes, many as a personal choice, rather than a PR stunt.[2] 

5. Bud Light. By my count, Budweiser has created seven commercials that prominently showcase billiards, including the Reserve Copper Lager ad mentioned further down in this list. The 1995 “Pool Table” commercial, which followed up the ground-breaking “Ladies Night” commercial from 1993, features a quartet of men, dressed as women, competing in a Ladies Night Finals of Pool to win Bud Light. As Thin Lizzy’s “The Boys are Back in Town” belts from the jukebox, the drag queens dazzle onlookers with their masse, draw, and trick shots, even if some are not fully convinced of their overall qualifications.

4. Venus and Mars. Following the success of Band on the Run, Paul McCartney and the Wings released their 1975 album, Venus and Mars, with its album cover photograph of two billiards balls depicting the nearby planets. The album reached #1 in the United States, a feat perhaps aided by a 60-second television commercial of the Wings members playing snooker, acting goofy and singing songs from the album, including the popular single “Listen to What the Man Said.” The advertisement, directed by Karel Reisz, who would later get an Oscar nomination for The French Lieutenant’s Woman, had been assumed lost, but Sir McCartney pulled it from the vaults as part of the 2014 re-release of Venus and Mars

3. Budweiser Reserve Copper Lager. Originally created for Super Bowl LIII, but then shelved so it could premier during the Oscars a few months later, the 2019 “Hold My Beer” commercial stars all-around badass Charlize Theron humiliating a series of men in various bar sports. Set to Run DMC’s “Tricky,” Theron singlehandedly – and by that, I further mean she competes with a single hand since her other hand holds a frothy Bud (as opposed to having only one hand a la her Fury Road character Furiosa) – whups her opponents in billiards, darts, and arm wrestling.

2. Lincoln Nautilus. After filming The Lincoln Lawyer in 2011, it was only natural for Matthew McConaughey to become Lincoln’s pitchman, appearing in numerous commercials for the auto manufacturer since 2014. One ad from 2019 featured McConaughey stepping away from his dinner guests to make a trick billiards shot in which the object ball weaves between other balls. The idea was that like the table shot, the Nautilus driver can keep control thanks to advanced driver aids. If you think that comparison is a stretch, you likely have good company. Fortunately, Lincoln released a subsequent two-minute ad on Facebook, this time with professional trick shot artist Steve Markle, who “demonstrates” specific aspects of Lincoln’s Co-Pilot 360 Technology (e.g., Lane Keeping System, Post Collision Braking) through a series of birds eye-viewed beautiful trick shots. Talk about pool is cool.

1. MANSCAPED Lawn Mower. Commercials don’t get more outré or laugh-out-loud than this 2021 “Pool Table” commercial, with the opening line, “We need to talk about your balls.” Over a thick jazzy bass line, the narrating snooker player asks the hard questions, such as, “Are [your balls] smooth or covered in bits of annoying fluff?” He then shows his (snooker) balls, which “glisten in the light,” while offering a modicum of hope to viewers that their balls can be similar, assuming they use the right tools (no weed-whackers, blowtorches, or cheese graters). The commercial’s final note of optimism is a potted shot, while the narrator warns us, “When it comes to balls you don’t want to muck about.” Cue the YouTube fan base.

Bottom line: if an unknown team like the Cincinnati Bengals can make it to the Super Bowl, then anything can happen during the world’s greatest gridiron game. So why not a few more billiard-themed commercials in the future and give billiards, perhaps the greatest underdog sport, a chance at stardom?

[1]      Super Bowl 2022: Soaring COVID-era ad spots a ‘sign of the times’ for brands

[2]      Rolex Went ‘Rolex Spotting’

Top 8 List of Billiards Players Promoting Products

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For professional athletes, product endorsements and commercial cameos are a part of the game and can translate to big dollars. This past year, tennis star Roger Federer received $86 million in endorsements – almost 12 times his earnings/winnings. Golfer Tiger Woods has raked in more than $1 billion (!!) in endorsements since 1996.[1]

For certain products, the linkage is obvious, such as Nike and Michael Jordan.  In billiards, think of Shane Van Boening and Cuetec Cues.  The affiliation between Florian Kohler and Ozone Billiards is so strong, he seemingly named his “Big O” trick shot after the billiards supply store.

But, on many occasions, the athletic celebrity involvement can feel a bit stretched. Why was racing driver Danica Patrick the best choice for Go Daddy, or why did the Little Tikes toy company tap all-star hoopster LeBron James? And, nothing compares to Pro Hall of Fame quarterback Joe Namath promoting Beautymist panty hose.

Professional billiards players are not immune to this corporate camera-mugging cameo. In the past 40 years, more than a handful of players have extended their personal brand beyond the standard billiard supplies. So, as you think about individuals to tap for endorsements, I present, from worst to best, my Top 8 List of Pro Billiards Players Promoting Products.

  1. Heinz Baked Beans. After watching first a child and then a teenage redhead spoon some beans, the final persona to finish out the carrot-topped trinity of eaters is snooker champion Steve Davis. So high was Mr. Davis’ Q-score in the late ‘80s that he did not even need to shoot billiards in this commercial.  Simply chalking his knife was sufficient.
  1. Cream Silk. In 2018, the Philippines #1 hair brand signed on Shanelle Lorraine to star in their mainstream hair care commercials. The rising star (“billiards champion” is a bit of a stretch), whose looks have attracted more attention than her game, brings “beauty and power,” in the form of loud shots, coupled with ever-flowing hair, to the red-felted table.
  1. Infiniti Q50 Eau Rogue. Expectations were high for Nissan’s luxury hot rod when it premiered at the 2014 Detroit Auto Show. The prototype appeared in a promotional video that pitted racing driver Sebastian Vettel against Pan Xiaoting, who won the 2007 WPA world championship. In the video, Xioting says she achieved the highest speeds of her life. Unfortunately, her involvement was not enough to save the Eau Rogue. It was cancelled the following year.
  1. San Miguel Pale Pilsen. This 2009 commercial may be in Tagalog, but you don’t need to understand it to instantly recognize world billiards champion Efren Reyes, who is joined by a trio of Filipino a-listers (boxer Manny Pacquiao, model Derek Ramsay, and actor/comedian Michael V). Beers, laughs, and a mystery bowl of peanuts follow.
  1. K-Boxing. They are never identified, and no billiards tables or paraphernalia appear in the commercial. But, there they are – world snooker champions Mark Selby and Judd Trump – posing, flexing, and leaping through the air in their K-Boxing attire. The 2012 campaign was part of the Chinese top-tier menswear manufacturer’s rollout of their “Snooker Brand Marketing Season,” which was designed to capitalize on the increasing appeal of snooker across China.
  1. Carling Black Label. In the 1970s and ‘80s, two of the world’s biggest names in snooker were Terry Griffiths and John Spencer. These rivals clashed often, but their most memorable match may have been when Gentleman John accidentally shot a ball into the nuts of the referee. When the “uncompromising” ref crushes the ball with his bare hand, the only solution considered to calm him is the leading lager with a “fuller flavor than any other.”
  1. 2011 Ford Explorer. “Does the rear seat fold flat?” That was the question being asked of the redesigned Ford Explorer. Who better to answer than the “Black Widow” Jeanette Lee, who brought her pool game to the back seat, breaking the balls and making a titillating cue-ball-into-stiletto-shoe combination.
  1. Miller Lite Beer. The grand poobah of this category is Miller Lite, with its 1978 and 1980 commercials starring Steve Mizerak. The original featured the Miz making a series of trick shots, then closing with, “you can work up a real good thirst even when you’re just showing off.” The 1980 follow-up includes a who’s-who of personalities, such as Bubba Smith, Mickey Rooney, and Rodney Dangerfield, all competing against the Miz.  But, he beats them handily, and leaving with actress Lee Meredith on his arm, says snarkily the key to his success is, “practice, practice, practice.”

Whether this list will make you rethink your product endorsement strategy is debatable, but it might make you reach for a Tuborg Gold courtesy of Ray Reardon.

 

This article first appeared in BCA Insider – BCA New Year Edition 2020.

[1]   “The World’s Highest Paid Athletes,” Forbes, June 11, 2019

Lights, Camera, Billiards: 5 Short Films

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Movie director and producer Stanley Kubrick once said, “Perhaps it sounds ridiculous, but the best thing that young filmmakers should do is to get hold of a camera and some film and make a movie of any kind at all.” As it happens, for many amateur filmmakers, a billiards room can provide the perfect milieu for bringing that camera and engaging in some cinematic and photographic experimentation.

The five recent billiards short films below are wildly different in theme, plot (or lack thereof), pace, dialogue, budget, and ultimately, viewer pleasure, but they have all been hand-picked by me to feature in this blog post because of their shared  connection in focusing on billiards as a way to explore a new camera, some new software, a shiny new toy.

Trick Shot

billiards short filmsIn 2015, Canon USA unveiled its new EOS C300 Mark II, a feature-rich HD motion picture camera. To introduce the new technology to the world, they funded the production of Trick Shot, a 13-minute commercial that masquerades as a billiards short film about a family of traveling grifters.  In the ad – I mean, movie – a father-son-daughter team hustle a roughneck and his gang of goons in a game of 8-ball.  The scam appears to fail when the daughter scratches on the 8-ball, but that gaffe, it turns out, was part of a larger con. Actress Danielle Andrade does most the pool-shooting.  It’s clear she can’t play but then this film was never really about pool.  The full movie is available to watch here, as well as a behind-the-scenes feature that clarifies the camera is the real star of this film.

Billard Raum

Like Trick Shot, this three-minute German film shares a similar mission of using billiards as a way to showcase a camera’s potential.  Created in 2011 by Afif El-Hadi, the director/cameraman used a Nikon D7000, along with three different Nikkor lenses, to create a movie, burdened by an overuse of visual effects, about a man practicing a game of 9-ball.  The most memorable part of the film is the inclusion of the songs “Extreme Ways” (Moby), “Fever Dream” (Tyler Bates), and “Wings” (Martin Todsharow).

The Break

billiards short filmsUsing a Blackmagic Pocket Cinema Camera, British director Azeem Mustafa shot The Break in 2015.  The four-minute billiards short film pits Detective Rajat Basu against career criminal Sebastien Duchamps in a private snooker room.  Unfortunately, aside from the opening break, the table goes unused, and instead serves as backdrop to a feet-only (?) fight scene between two on-screen martial artists, Kamran Kam and Wilfried Tah. Calling the sequence the “best fight scene [he’s] every produced,” Mustafa cites credits the Blackmagic with allowing him to “push the cinematic feel of the film.”[1]  The movie is available to watch here.

Pool Hall

This two-minute, black-and-white ode to dark, smoky pool halls is not the standard fare from Tex Crowley, head honcho of Texomatic Pictures, a video production company that caters to the trucking industry.  But, Crowley shot Pool Hall in 2013, both to reminisce about his days shooting pool in North Texas, and, presumably, to showcase his skills using a Canon T2i / 550D with Magic Lantern 2.3 and editing with Adobe Premier Pro CC. The movie is available to watch here.

Chalked

billiards short filmsDon’t be too harsh on Chalked, a conceptual project that takes the same 30-second billiards scene and shows it in three variations of cinema genre: silent movie, comedy, and western.  The film, created by Jake Moore, while he was a freshman in college, shows an individual experimenting with sound, color, lighting, and visuals, to mimic these  familiar genres.  Along with many more recent projects, the film is available on the website of his video production company, Red Bell Central.

[1]       https://officemustafa.wordpress.com/2015/04/01/the-break-martial-arts-action-film/

Top 10 Billiards Breaks

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As this is my 100th blog post, I think it is a time for a break.   No, not a temporal break, though I’ve often considered an extended interlude, having written steadily since launching “8 Ball on the Silver Screen” in the summer of 2013. And no, not a billiards break, as that is a constant of many of the movies and episodes I review.

I mean a commercial break. After all, given many cinemas will now show upwards of 20 minutes of on-screen advertisements in advance of a feature presentation, taking a commercial break from a movie/television blog seems quite appropriate.

billiards breaksBut, this is not just any commercial break. This is about advertisements featuring billiards, such as Chrysler’s 2014 two-minute Super Bowl ad which featured Bob Dylan casually playing pool in a bar. Billiards is like Forrest Gump, popping up in advertisements across all industries, from automotives to 1-900 sex lines. The complete list is beyond my research bandwidth, so instead, I’ve cherry-picked some of the best. Presenting the TOP 10 TELEVISION COMMERCIAL BREAKS FEATURING BILLIARDS. Let the countdown begin!

10. Kraft – Melke Chocolate. In this 2000 Norwegian “Billiards” commercial created by Leo Burnett, a man becomes a wee bit too interested in an otherwise leisurely game of pool. Crouching to observe a player’s stroke, he is accidentally knocked in the mouth by the cue butt. Howling in pain and losing a few teeth, the man is a natural target for Melke, the “soft porous chocolate that melts in your mouth.”

9. Wonderful Pistachios. According to the satirist and television personality Stephen Colbert, pistachios are a “delicious snack and a useful tool.” He then proceeds to use a single pistachio to chalk his cue stick, as he prepares to play billiards in this 2014 15-second commercial, created by the Fire Station agency as part of the “Get Crackin’ America” campaign. Apparently, Freedum the Eagle has other plans for the table.

http://youtu.be/7GPcMlC6n0k

8. McDonald’s Spicy Chicken McBites. This 2012 ad from DDB provided a four-part comparison between pool and Spicy Chicken McBites. Both require one to (1) start off right; (2) have flavor; (3) add a little something special; and (4) finally bring the heat. Not sure that analogy makes a ton of sense, but “I’m Lovin’ It” that the commercial includes some nice billiards camera work, sharp sound effects, and a four-rail finale.

http://youtu.be/xk0g2ojXB34

7. Budweiser. It happens every day. You’re playing pool against a sultry woman who nearly fellates her cue stick blowing the chalk dust off the tip. She takes her shot and wham-o…the object ball flies clear off the table, knocking you out on the head. What’s a woman to do? As this 1999 30-second commercial from DBB makes clear, waving “skunky beer” under your nose sure isn’t the answer; providing “brewery fresh Budweiser is.” (Note: Pool also had a starring role in Budwesier’s 30-second “Ginger or Mary Ann?” ad from 1993.)

6. NHL on Fox Sports. As if billiards hasn’t experienced enough difficulty trying to build an audience on TV, in 1990 Fox Sports went right for the sternum with their advertisement, “Billiards would be better if it were hockey” to promote their weekly NHL Saturday matches. This 15-second spot featured a player at the fictitious Diamond Hills 9-Ball Invitational getting thwacked with a cue stick by his opponent rushing in from the sideline. A similar parody was done on bowling.

5. Levi’s Jeans. The dungarees maker turned a few heads in this 1991 45-second commercial entitled “Pool Hall.” Using no words, but girded by The Clash’s anthem, “Should I Stay or Should I Go?,” the commercial focuses on a handsome man who is denied entrance to a pool hall unless he can pay up. Since the man has no money, the unctuous proprietor indicates that if the man loses, he must give up his blue jeans. Fortunately, the guy is a shark, and turning the tables on the proprietor, handily beats him and then demands his pants as appropriate payment.

4. Ketchup Baltimor Tomatnyi. Heinz may be the global ketchup leader, but in Russia 10 years ago, ketchup was still synonymous with the Russian Baltimor brand. In 2006, the French actor Gerard Depardieu starred in a one-minute commercial in which a buxom blonde challenges him to a game of billiards. If he wins, she’ll kiss him; if he loses, he has to eat his hat. She beats him badly, prompting the defeated Depardieu to request a bottle of Baltimor to make his hat tastier. When some squirts onto the woman’s shirt, the announcer says, “Ketchup Baltimor Tomatnyi: Makes Everything Edible.”

http://youtu.be/WzB04XX_xpI

3. Guinness Beer. Forget what you know about billiards evolving from the lawn games of 14th century France. In “Table,” a 45-second ad from Saatchi & Saatchi, the game was invented by “some blokes in a pub.” Originally a rather primitive pastime, the lads innovated by adding holes and pockets, and ultimately celebrated the “only way they knew how…by potting the black,” a reference both to snooker and to stout Guinness beer.

2. Aurora Skittle Pool. Don Adams, the secret agent from Get Smart (which included a billiards episode “Dead Spy Scrawls”), starred in this minute-long commercial from 1970. The ad features Adams playing “Wisconsin Skinny” (a tongue-and-cheek reference to pool legend Minnesota Fats) in a game of pool – specifically, Skittle Pool, a tabletop billiards game in which players use a pendulum-powered ball to sink shots. Adams, an experienced pool player in his own right, was a big promoter of the table sport, even appearing on the cover of the game box.

1. Miller Lite Beer. Among commercials featuring billiards, the archetype and leader-of-the-pack is this 1978 commercial featuring world pool champion Steve Mizerak. Arguing that one needs to stay fast and light on their feet when they shoot pool, the Miz explains that’s why he drinks Lite Beer from Miller. In the pitch-perfect ending, he explains further that “you can work up a real good thirst even when you’re just showing off,” as he makes an eye-popping five ball trick shot for a crowd of pleased onlookers.

So there’s my list of Top 10 Television Commercials Featuring Billiards. Maybe this list made you want to reach for a Miller, grab a handful of nuts, or get some drive-thru Spicy Chicken McBites. But, far more important, maybe this list made you want to reach for a cue stick and shoot some billiards. Now that’s a break worth taking.