Tag Archives: billiard movies

Massé

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In an interview with IndieWire, Christian Blauvelt, the Deputy Culture Editor for the BBC, talked about the guilt he felt, when he worked Hollywood.com, giving a zero out of five star review to Paul Schrader’s The Canyons.  He shared, “I feel guilty for hating The Canyons so much because Schrader himself is not only a filmmaking legend but a delightful human being… truly honest and giving.”[1]

MasseAs I finished watching Jay Taylor’s Massé, which is a terrible movie, Mr. Blauvelt’s sentiment resonated with me.  Though I have never met Mr. Taylor, I suspect he’s a good person who, along with his wife Courtney Shumway, the film’s script consultant, put his blood, sweat, and tears (and probably a decent amount of money) into making this film.

I’ve never made a film, so how can I so audaciously tear apart this man’s opus? I don’t for a moment believe I could do better. But, at the same time, I have an obligation to my readers to provide my honest thoughts.  Otherwise, I’m just a rubber-stamper, endorsing any film with baize, balls, and cue, simply because billiards is so starved for attention and mainstream recognition.

Mr. Taylor opted to name his film Massé because, like the famous trick shot in pool, his movie “has some twists and turns so [he] thought the idea of naming after a curve shot in pool appropriate.”[2] Alas, those twists and turns are just some of the many problems with the film. The characters are wooden, the acting is amateur, the scenes don’t effectively tell a story, and the billiards is largely irrelevant.

The story follows Jack Pappas (played by Johnny Alonso, who currently stars in Gotham as Kazz, bass player for the Penguin’s house band at Oswald’s Nightclub), who has had a troubled past.  He’s content to hustle pool for a living, but his life takes a turn when his ex-flame, Sara (Barb Myers) shows up.  His conflicting emotion leads to some anger-rich pool playing, an endlessly long sex scene, a ridiculous fight scene (including a cue ball to the head…take that, bad guy!), and a noir gun-shooting finale with bad special effects.

MasseBack to the billiards.  In an interview segment for Click On This Show, Mr. Alonso revealed that he “shot pool for 50 days…So I got pretty good. I got really good.  These boys (from APA) taught me a lot of stuff…some nights we were on set shooting until 2 in the morning.”

I don’t doubt that Mr. Alonso’s game improved significantly, but it’s a shame his newfound prowess didn’t translate to the screen.  There are two main pool scenes in Massé. Both exist to establish that Jack Pappas is a skilled player, whose go-to hustle involves his close friend Pete (Jonathon Ruckman).  But, the actual pool-playing lacks any excitement.  The shots are basic and the games are uninteresting. Moreover, they don’t advance the characters.  Other than establishing that Johnny is a risk taker, the hustling never goes anywhere. He might as well be throwing darts.

Mr. Taylor said, “Massé runs the gamut of emotions, from happiness to anger, fear to excitement, and lust to sadness.”   Unfortunately, he omitted boredom, perhaps the most prevalent emotion for this reviewer.

Massé premiered at the Charles Theatre in Baltimore on October 15, 2014.  The movie was produced by Bad Ferret Films, which no longer exists.  The billiards scenes were shot at Cobblestones Bar & Grill, which closed in 2017, in York, Pennsylvania.  The movie is available to rent or buy on Amazon.

[1]       “Critics pick the worst movies they’ve ever reviewed,” IndieWire, June 19, 2017.

[2]       “Interview with Director and Filmmaker Jay Taylor,” DC Metro, January 2, 2013.

Heartbreak

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Approximately 45 miles northwest of Orlando sits The Villages in Sumter County, Central Florida. The fast-growing city, a favorite among retirees, is home to the Old Mill Playhouse, which first opened its movie doors in 2004. And, on March 17, if you were among the 125,000 citizens of The Villages, or anyone lucky enough to be in the vicinity, you had the exclusive opportunity to go to the Playhouse and attend the world premiere of Heartbreak, the newest billiards movie to hit the silver screen.  Alas, the rest of us hapless ones — including myself — will need to wait until at least this summer to have a chance to see this film.

HeartbreakThe movie premiered with little fanfare.  There is a compelling trailer available here, and there is a summary available on IMDB from the film’s producer, Randy M. Dyer.  Heartbreak is “based on the life of a one-time award-winning professional billiard champion down on his luck who encounters a young Korean woman seeking to become the billiard champion to save her son’s life.  What ensues is an emotional and dramatic journey leading to a climactic event that will change their lives forever.”

Unable to learn much online, and frustrated by my own inability to make the trek from New York to Florida to see the premiere, I struck gold on Twitter when I successfully connected with, and subsequently interviewed, the movie’s two leading actors, Brett Rice and Jane Park Smith, and the Executive Producer (and former billiards pro and Pro Billiards Coach) “Coach” Wayne Catledge.

As it turns out, the seeds of Heartbreak have been germinating inside Mr. Catledge’s head for 10-12 years when he was first coaching female billiards players in Asia.  Observing the training regiments of billiards athletes like Kim Ga-young and Eunji Erica Park, Mr. Catledge considering producing a documentary about their approach to billiards and their work ethic.  Soon, that idea morphed into making a full-length movie.

Like many passion projects, Heartbreak had numerous starts and stops.  The script was the biggest challenge. “There were so many scripts that did not fit…that did not respect the industry. They were too focused on the “dark side [of billiards]…I wanted to prove billiards is an upstanding sport and not just [show] the underbelly…I was looking for hope and inspiration like in The Sound of Music,” said Mr. Catledge.

Heartbreak

Jane Park Smith as Mina Lee

According to Jane Park Smith, who plays the lead character Mina Lee, “billiards is such a vital part of the movie. Heartbreak shows billiards in a dynamic, redemptive, light.”  This required the perfect casting of actors, according to Mr. Catledge. And, given the amount of billiards in the movie, the actors needed to seem like real players.  (In fact, the actors perform every shot in the movie, except two.)

The decision to cast Brett Rice in the lead role as Harry Platt was an easy one. Mr. Rice, who has been playing pool for 50 years, elaborated, “I am a better pool player than I am an actor… My grandfather was a shark. We played one-pocket growing up. He taught me the game when I was 10 and told me if I ever beat him, I’d get a shot of bourbon.  Five years later, I finally took that shot.  I played all the time. I used to play in the Army. I even paid for my apartment through pool.”

For the casting of Mina Lee, Mr. Catledge knew Ms. Smith would be perfect, albeit she had never played pool.  “She was cast because of her martial arts and her long expanded fingers would make a great pool bridge. I knew I could train her.”

According to Ms. Smith, that instinct was well-founded: “I didn’t know how to hold a cue stick…I was a blank canvas.  [The training was intense.] If we weren’t shooting or resting, Coach had me do drills, bridges, stroke lining….All pool all the time, so much so that the first week, I would wake up in middle of night having dreams about making shots.  It turned out better than I could have imagined.”

Heartbreak

Ewa “The Striking Viking” Laurance

Adding to the authenticity of Heartbreak are cameos by some of the sports best-known female players. Ewa “The Striking Viking” Laurance has a key role because she is, according to Mr. Carledge, “a great ambassador of the game. [I] always loved her presence, how she handled herself.  She was all in.”  Dawn Hopkins and Shanelle Loraine also appear briefly.

As I’ve not yet seen the movie, I cannot yet comment on whether this trio achieved its goals and delivered a billiards movie that, at its core, is about “hope,” “redemption,” and “unity.”  However, even without yet seeing Heartbreak, I can attest to the passion for pool that is the connecting fiber of the film, as it pervaded each person’s interview response.  Nowhere is that passion more on display than in Mr. Carledge’s comments to attendees at the world premier:

Pool is a colorful world of dauntless personalities puzzling through an enthralling kaleidoscope of patterns.  You will face unpredictable facets of the game and wrestle with bold, nervy souls testing you in the crucible of solitude.  In such wrenching pressure where it is only you, without help from a teammate, can the greatest champions arise.  You and only you can achieve victory.  That is such a blessing for the elite, for victory seldom comes without much failure.

 Everyone has a unique story to tell and I truly love listening to the many colorful variances in the universals.  The grips, the stances, the strokes, the patterns, the breaks, the safeties, the preparation, the mantras, the drills, the diets, the cue, the cloth, the table, the rack, the bridge, the chalk, the powder, the gloves, the taper, the design, the joint, the shaft, the butt, the tip, the tip shape, the rails, the pockets, the balls, the slate, the diamonds, the lights, the air, etc. etc. etc., all lend tremendous variances in playing conditions before you ever face your opponent!  The odds are always stacked…

 And we haven’t even talked about gamesmanship or sharking.  What a colorful sport and treacherous discipline!

What’s My Line?

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Salvador Dalí. Walt Disney. Eleanor Roosevelt. Lucille Ball. Alfred Hitchcock. Walt Frazier. Althea Gibson. Dizzy Gillespie. Aretha Franklin. Groucho Marx. Jesse Owens. Vidal Sassoon. Barbara Walters. Orson Welles. Gore Vidal. Sean Connery. Along with hundreds of others, these celebrities all had one thing in common.  Care to guess?

What's My LineThey all appeared on the famous panel game show What’s My Line?  And to this pantheon of household names, we can also add two renowned billiards players, Willie Mosconi and Minnesota Fats, who appeared on the show September 2, 1962 and January 17, 1965, respectively.

What’s My Line? aired in the United States on CBS initially from 1950 to 1967, making it the longest running U.S. primetime network game show. Moderated by John Daly, the game required four “celebrity” panelists to question a contestant in order to determine his or her occupation, with panelists occasionally having to identify a celebrity “mystery guest” by name. Though there were a number of panelists during the 17-year run, a majority of the episodes had a panel that included columnist Dorothy Kilgallen, actress Arlene Francis, and Random House Publishing founder Bennett Cerf.

Willie “Mr. Pocket Billiards” Mosconi, of course, was (and still is) considered one of the greatest pool players in history. He won the World Straight Pool Championship an unmatched 15 times, and he set the straight pool world record in 1954 for pocketing 526 consecutive balls in an exhibition match.

In the What’s My Line? episode featuring Mr. Mosconi as the mystery guest, the billiards legends signs in as Mr. X to avoid recognition. The panel tasked with identifying his profession (“world pocket-billiard champion”) consists of Ms. Francis, Ms. Kilgallen, Mr. Cerf, as well as the flamboyant composer and pianist Liberace. 

Knowing only that Mr. X is salaried, deals in a service, and hails from New Jersey, the panel establishes that Mr. X is an indoor entertainer for a profit-making organization who has appeared on television, but otherwise fails miserably to guess his vocation.  When the host ultimately reveals that Mr. X is Willie Mosconi, the panel erupts into a chorus of ohs, ahs, and “Yes, indeed.” He then closes his appearance by discussing his role as technical advisor on The Hustler, and then giving the audience a lexical lesson on the origin of the term “pool.” 

What's My LineThe episode featuring Minnesota Fats is also available to watch on YouTube here.  New York Fats, aka Rudolf Wanderone, was a pool player and hustler who assumed the name Minnesota Fats in 1961 after the release of The Hustler, starring Jackie Gleason as the fictional character Minnesota Fats. Though he appropriated the moniker and was only a decent player, Minnesota Fats quickly became one of the world’s most famous billiards players, appearing in movies (The Player), starring on game shows (Celebrity Billiards with Minnesota Fats), authoring books (The Bank Shot and Other Great Robberies), and headlining video games (Minnesota Fats – Sega Genius).

In this Season 16 episode of What’s My Line?, mystery guest Mr. Fats enters by signing in as Rudolf Wanderone. His profession, which the panelists must guess in 10 or less turns, is “professional pocket billiards player.” The panel, which includes Ms. Francis, Ms. Kilgallen, Mr. Cerf, as well as author and comedian Alan King, are not blindfolded, as they often are with celebrities who are visually recognizable to the general public. Though the panel determines he is an indoor performer who uses “props,” moves around a good deal, requires skill and dexterity, is an expert/champion in sports, and has been seen on television, they fail to guess his identity.

What's My LineWhen the host Mr. Daly finally reveals his identity, eliciting applauses, head shakes, and an “Oh Yes!” from Ms. Francis, Mr. Daly goes on to reinforce the myth that Mr. Fats “came to great fame” because he was portrayed by Jackie Gleason in The Hustler, which, of course, was entirely inaccurate. Mr. Daly goes on to cite other parts of Mr. Fats’ resume, including that he was also Vice President at billiard table manufacturer Rozel Industries in Lincolnwood, Illinois.[1] Ironically, the fast-talking Mr. Fats has little opportunity to speak in the episode, often over-ruled by Mr. Daly, but he does have a classic in-character retort to Mr. Cerf’s ignorant question about the famous poker novel later adapted into a movie:

Mr. Cerf: Are you in The Cincinnati Kid? Are you one of the characters?

Mr. Fats: I am one of the characters whenever pool is concerned.

For Mr. Mosconi, What’s My Line? was but one of three game show appearances he made.  He also showed up on To Tell the Truth in 1958 and I’ve Got a Secret in 1962. As noted above, Mr. Fats adored the limelight and parlayed his celebrity into a starring role on Minnesota Fats Hustles the Pros in 1967 and then on Celebrity Billiards with Minnesota Fats from 1968 to 1971.

[1]       Rozel, formed in 1963, sold pool tables and accessories under the name Minnesota Fats Billiard & Leisure Centers. In 1980, the five Minnesota Fats stores were converted to Video King outlets. The company filed for bankruptcy in 1985.

 

Bye Bye Baby

In theory, 85 minutes is not a significant amount of time.  After all, a typical day can be divided into almost 17 consecutive 85-minute blocks of time.

Bye Bye BabyYet, as I suffered through the 85-minute film Bye Bye Baby, I started to wonder about the power of that single chunk of time.  Unquestionably, I had ceded 85 minutes of my frenetic life for the higher purpose of ensuring the comprehensiveness of my billiards movie blog, but was the sacrifice worth it?  What else has been, or could have been, accomplished with the same amount of time?

Before entertaining that question, let’s focus on the film. Directed by Erico Oldoini, Bye Bye Baby was released in Italy in 1988 and a year later in the United States. The movie stars former supermodel Carol Alt and Luca Barbareschi respectively as Sandra and Paolo, a couple from Milan whose marital troubles lead them through a series of fights, divorce, affairs, betrayals, abandonments, trysts, some escapades on the Mauritius Islands, more fights, more betrayals, and a near fatal car accident.  Along the way, Sandra falls for a dreamy doctor, and Paolo gets involved with Lisa, a professional pool shark, played by Danish model Brigitte Nielsen.

Essentially, this movie is a vehicle for two ‘80s models, Ms. Alt and Ms. Nielsen, to act quasi-sexy, bend over pool tables, wear revealing swimsuits, and engage in B-rated lovemaking scenes that lack even the suggested nudity.  For Ms. Alt, who appeared on the cover of Sports Illustrated in 1982, and was on the cover of more than 500 magazines in the 1980s, Bye Bye Baby timed with her decision to start acting in European films around 1986.  For Ms. Nielsen, the timing was a less fortuitous. Having married Sylvester Stallone in 1985 and gained fame through her iconic tough-woman roles in Red Sonja, Rocky IV, and Cobra, by 1988 she was already divorced and starring in bottom-of-the-bucket films.

Bye Bye BabyBye Bye Baby did nothing to help these ladies’ careers. (In fact, the movie earned Ms. Nielsen a Razzie for Worst Actress in 1990.) The plot is hackneyed, the script is vapid, the acting is wooden, the attempts at humor are misguided, and the music, which includes tracks by Ms. Nielsen, is repetitive and misplaced. The critic for the Los Angeles Times said it well:

The plot is nothing more than an endless, deja vu -provoking cycle of cheating lovers; the profane and daringly banal dialogue seems almost wholly improvised…; and it seems designed as a sex comedy, though there’s not much sex and even less comedy. It might not be too egregious an example of crying “wolf” to warn at this point that Bye Bye Baby is just about as howlingly rotten as any movie ever made.[1]

But, hey, I’ve endured my share of lemons, since launching 8 Ball on the Silver Screen.  I can deal with low-budget cinema.  What I cannot tolerate is terrible on-screen billiards, and in this category, Ms. Nielsen is in a league unto herself.  Starring as a top-ranked player, who competes in a mix of regular billiards and the Italian game of 5-pins, Ms. Nielsen can barely hold a cue stick, never mind take a stroke. It is embarrassing watching her stumble her way through the various billiards sequences.  Even with the mediocre editing, and the occasional creative five-pins shot, it’s still painful viewing. (For a more engaging portrayal of 5-pins or the related game goriziana, check out the far more satisfying Italian movie The Pool Hustlers.)

Given this abomination of a film, one can appreciate the impetus for my original question about what else can be accomplished in 85 minutes.  It turns out a whole helluva lot.

Keeping with the cinematic milieu, a far better use of 85 minutes would be to watch Sam Raimi’s The Evil Dead (1981); the gut-busting mockumentary This Is Spinal Tap (1984); Gary Cooper in High Noon (1952); or Fruitvale Station (2013), the racially charged film by Ryan Coogler based on the real-life subway shooting of Oscar Grant. Or, if music is your thing, spend the 85 minutes listening to Arcade Fire’s album Reflektor.

History can, in fact, be made in 85 minutes.  In 1908, the Tigers lost the final fifth game of the World Series to the Cubs in a game that lasted 85 minutes. A leatherback turtle set the world record for a marine dive by holding its breath for 85 minutes.

So, whether it’s the amount of time it takes to make an LL Bean Boot[2], the amount of time one person needs to make seven kid-friendly freezer meals[3], or the amount of time a quintet of British rotary clubs spent preparing 12,000 meals as part of a Stop Hunger campaign,[4] the evidence is everywhere that the time could have been better spent.

Bye bye Bye Bye Baby.  I want my 85 minutes back.

[1]       http://articles.latimes.com/1989-05-29/entertainment/ca-797_1_bye-brigitte-nielsen-film-review

[2]       https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2015/10/llbean-duck-boot-labor-shoes-maine/410863/

[3]       http://newleafwellness.biz/2015/05/20/seven-kid-friendly-freezer-meals-in-85-minutes/

[4]       Rise Against Hunger

Hagiga B’Snuker

In the mid-1970s, the mood was not light in the State of Israel. With a population at the time of about 3.5 million people, the Middle Eastern nation, which is only a little larger than New Jersey, had gone through the Six-Day War (1967); the War of Attrition (1967-1970); a number of Palestinian attacks, including the massacre of 11 Israeli athletes at the 1972 Summer Olympics; and the highly violent Yom Kippur War (1973).

Hagiga B'SnukerConfronted by such hate and immersed in such carnage, perhaps it is not surprising that a group of Israeli filmmakers tried to inject some escapism and levity into the times with their introduction of Bourekas films, a genre of “comic melodramas or tearjerkers… based on ethnic stereotypes” that proved highly popular at the box office. [1] Included in this peculiar genre is Hagiga B’Snuker, the sole billiards movie to originate from Israel.

Also known as Snooker or Festival at the Poolroom, this 1975 film was directed by Boaz Davidson, one of the pioneers of Bourekas (and likely the creator of the term). Today, Mr. Davidson is better known as a prolific movie producer, with films ranging from Rambo to The Expendables, though he is also the director behind a streak of ‘80s sex comedies, such as The Last American Virgin, Hot Bubblegum, and Private Popsicle.

Hagiga B’Snuker is about two estranged twin brothers, Azriel, a shy and religious Jew who works in a village fruit store, and Gavriel, a hustler who operates in a pool hall called Moadon Snooker, where unsuspecting victims are roped by his friend Hannukah and then conned out their money. (Both brothers are played by Yehuda Barkan. Hannukah is played by Ze’ev Ravach.)

The act works well until Gavriel makes the mistake of hustling Mushon (Tuvia Tzafir), a nebbish dolt, who happens to be the son of Salvador (Joseph Shiloach), a mobster once known as the Israeli King of Snooker.

Fleeced by Gavriel of the money intended for his tooth replacement, which was to make him more attractive for his upcoming arranged nuptials, Mushon returns to the pool hall with his father, who pretends to be an easy snooker mark.  Hannukah and Gavriel approach him for a game of 3 Reds (essentially a faster version of snooker, with only three red balls instead of 15).[2]  Overly confident, they increase the bet to 60,000 Israeli lira, which equals about $10,000 US dollars (or $46,500 in 2017). But, the moment the bet is sealed, Salvador unlocks his briefcase, and begins to assemble his cue stick. Hannukah and Gavriel, mouth agape, stare incredulously, as Salvador subsequently pots every ball without missing, therefore winning the wager.

Hagiga B'SnukerHagiga B’Snuker then follows the duo’s foiled attempts, first to avoid paying the debt and then to secure the money.  Ultimately, with no options remaining, Gavriel is forced to renew contact with his brother, who could conceivably provide Gavriel with the money if they sell the family estate. But, their parents’ will specifies that the property can only be sold if Avriel is married.

More hijinks ensue, especially as Hannukah impersonates a rabbinical matchmaker and Gavriel pretends to be his twin brother in order to win the heart of, and marry, a local rabbi’s daughter, Yona (Nitza Shaul).  But, in a bizarre coincidence, Yona is also the bride-to-be for Salvador’s son Mushon.

[SPOILER ALERT!] At last, the only way Gavriel and Salvador can settle both the monetary debt and the competing love interest for Yona is, predictably, through another game of 3 Reds. Even this game, however, is compromised when Azriel accidentally shows up at the pool hall.  Seeing Azriel (and mistaking him for Gavriel), Salvador forces him to play the game. Azriel, never having played snooker, quizzically picks up the cue stick and, mistakenly using the butt of the stick, miraculously pots all the balls on one shot, thereby unknowingly winning the bet and the heart of Yona.

Though not an overly memorable film, Hagiga B’Snuker is nonetheless a welcome addition to the billiards movie canon because of it humorous setup, as well as its Israeli representation and portrayal of the game 3 Reds.

Hagiga B’Snuker is available to buy with English subtitles on DVD from the Israel Catalog.

[1]       “And Then There Was One,” Uri Klein, Harretz, 2008.

[2]       Thank you to my colleagues at Snooker Potcast for helping me to identify the 3 Reds variant of snooker.

Equals Against Devils

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In the world of billiards trick shots, few are as jaw-dropping than Florian “Venom” Kohler’s signature massé-ing with multiple cues or Andy “Magic Man” Segal’s famous “The Pendulum” or Bogdan “The Wizard” Wolkowski’s “The Bottle Shot.”

Equals Against DevilsBut, I’m pretty sure none of these magicians could recreate the “50 balls to create a word” shot that comprises one-fifth of the trick shot competition in the 1985 Hong Kong billiards movie Equals Against Devils (original title: Huo ping lang zi), which was also released with the English title The Desperate Prodigal. In this trick shot, opponents must shoot and stick a series of balls onto an adhesive surface about 30 feet away to create a word (or a letter).

Of course, the shot is ridiculous (and only made using some crude on-screen computer graphics), but then again, everything is in this low-budget, b-rated film from director, writer, and leading actor Roc (Peng) Tien.

The plot (and that is being generous) of Equals Against Devils is that a wealthy man, Black Sinner, who once had his hand chopped off after beating his opponent, White Cloud, in a pool tournament, enlists a rising pool prodigy in his master plan to extract revenge and win $500,000 from White Cloud in a 150-point billiards tournament.

Equals Against DevilsThat prodigy is Alan, who we first meet hustling pool in a local parlor, with Bill Conti’s “Gonna Fly Now” (aka the theme to Rocky) playing in the background. Alan is a soft-spoken player, who lives with his three orphaned friends and is so penurious that when he first visits Black Sinner, Alan requests permission to walk on the rug, having never seen one.

Black Sinner befriends Alan, promising him food, wealth and three months of pool lessons in order to beat White Cloud. Black Sinner’s plan works, which then causes the humiliated White Cloud to devise his own series of revenge schemes. First, he hires Chicken, a white leisure suit wearing hitman, who sports a Bjorn Borg headband and suffers from exotropia, to kill Alan. That idea fails, so he then recruits Sally, a buxom, pin-up who hustles Alan into playing pool for a $15,000 diamond ring. Turns out Sally is a pool shark, but this plan collapses as well, when one of Alan’s associates swaps out the diamond for a fake.

Equals Against DevilsFinally, he sets up a doubles trick shot billiards competition, in which Alan and Black Sinner will compete against White Cloud and a billiards pro named Biyashi. This is arguably the most imaginative part of the movie, even if the pool-playing is completely fake. The first of the five shots involves aiming balls at light bulbs to break them. The second is the aforementioned lexical shot. The third is a variation of William Tell’s famous archery feat, but in this case, it entails knocking a billiards ball into a light bulb atop a person’s head. The penultimate shot involves shooting balls into bells. And the final shot requires the player to massé the cue ball through a series of bottles and land precisely in the middle of a small circle.

Alas, Black Sinner and Alan win the competition, which prompts White Cloud to get old-school with his retaliatory tactics. [SPOILER ALERT!] First, he guns down Black Sinner at his mansion, and then he blows up Alan’s car. But, even that idea backfires, as Alan emerges from the debris, looking like an extra in a George Romero film, and, now (suddenly) an expert marksman, proceeds to assassinate White Cloud and all of his henchmen.

Given this film’s appallingly bad billiards animation, and the over-dubbed sound effects (to emulate the pocketing of the balls), as well as the terrible acting and inane dialogue, I think the real “sinner” in Equals Against Devils is director/writer/actor Roc Tien, for forcing his audience to endure this dreck.

Equals Against Devils is available to rent or buy on DVD. I’m not sure why.

Saved by the Bell: New Class – “Student Court”

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Last week, I saw on CNN that actor Dustin Diamond had made headlines, and not for the right reasons. Mr. Diamond, who once played super-nerd Samuel “Screech” Powers on the sitcom Saved by the Bell and then on the some of the series’ spin-offs, had been found guilty of two misdemeanors relating to a Wisconsin bar fight and stabbing. Yes, this is the same Mr. Diamond who had almost been kicked off Celebrity Fit Club, released a sex tape (Screeched – Saved by the Smell), and got evicted from Celebrity Big Brother.

Saved by the BellWanting to remember Mr. Diamond in a more favorable light, I thought I would watch the billiards television episode, Saved by the Bell: The New Class – “Student Court.” Unfortunately, that proved even more grating than Screech’s horribly phocine voice.

That voice made its debut on Saved by the Bell, a lightweight, NBC sitcom that ran from 1989-1993 and featured a group of students and the principal of the fictitious Bayside High School. The series not only led to Mario Lopez eventually hosting Extra and Elizabeth Berkeley eventually licking a stripper pole in Showgirls, but also launched a series of spin-offs, including Saved by the Bell: The New Class.

The New Class ran from 1993-2000 and feature a rotating cast of students, including Mr. Diamond, who starred in six of the seven seasons. “Student Court” (September, 1996) is from the fourth season. In this episode, the high school principal creates the Rainy Day Inside Sports Festival, in which the victors win a weekend cruise to Catalina. The games include ping pong, darts, air hockey, and, of course, pool. Our gaggle of high-schoolers is determined to win, but to do so, they must remove the competition. In some instances, that means wielding their new appointments on the Student Court to mete out punishments to their opponents that effectively eliminate them. But, for billiards, they already have a secret weapon in Katie Peterson (Lindsey McKeon) who establishes her reputation when she calls and makes the shot, “3-ball, two banks, into the 4-ball, kiss the 8-ball, and in.”

Saved by the BellThe prospect of a trip to Catalina, however, leads Katie and her doubles partner, Nicky, to engage in some student hustling in order to earn sufficient cash to purchase some new swimwear. And while the ruse that they are “charging their fellow students for pool lessons” may fool a simpleton such as Screech, it doesn’t con Principal Belding (Dennis Haskins), who sends them to Student Court to receive their punishment.

As their friend chairs the Student Court, the misdemeanor could be dismissed, effectively increasing the group’s odds of winning the trip. But, given this is moralistic, saccharine, television, a true punishment is awarded, thereby killing the group’s chance at vacaying in Catalina, and presumably, also quashing Katie’s budding career as a pool hustler.

“Student Court” has bad acting, an imbecilic script, and dismal billiards-playing. Apparently, Mr. Diamond is not the only thing that needs some “saving,” though maybe his case would have fared better in the hands of this Student Court.

Saved by the Bell: The New Class – “Student Court” is available on DVD as part of Season 4.

Go for Zucker

For many pool players of the silver screen, the game of billiards is a metaphoric path to freedom, whether financial, emotional, or spiritual. Consider Kailey, from Turn the River, who must reluctantly play one-ball to win enough money to rescue and flee with her son.   Or Sarah Collins, the down-and-out single parent from Kiss Shot, who decides that pool hustling is the only route to winning $3000 and saving her house. Or Harry, the Hard Knuckle nomad who will bet his fingers (literally) in a game of pool to reclaim his old motorbike and leave behind his dystopian existence. The list goes on and on.

Go for ZuckerTo this lot, we should add Jakob ‘Jaeckie Zucker’ Zuckermann (Henry Hübchen), the eponymous star of Go for Zucker (original title: Alles auf Zucker!), a 2004 German-made, Jewish comedy about an unlucky journalist whose motto “New game, new chances,” has steered him into a world of financial debt.   His only possible salvation: the European Pool Classics tournament with a 100,000 euro prize for the winner.

As we quickly learn from flashbacks, Jaeckie is a pool hustler and gambler whose sad-sack, indebted lifestyle has him one stroke away from his wife divorcing him, the police arresting him, and the bank shutting down his night club for twelve months of missed payments. His misery is compounded when he learns via telegram that his mother has died, and that he must sit for Shiva (a week-long mourning period), which necessitates reconciling with his estranged Jewish brother and conspiring with his goyish wife to act Jewish (i.e., keep kosher, host Shabbat), lest he forfeit an undisclosed portion of the inheritance. Sitting for Shiva, however, will prove impossible if Jaeckie is to compete in the pool tournament.

Go For Zucker (Spain)Cue the comedic lunacy. Ever the hustler, Jaeckie will fake heart attacks, fall onto his dead mother’s coffin, take Ecstasy, lie to the entire family, sneak out of a synagogue on a stretcher handled by fake paramedics, and violate pretty much every aspect of Jewish law, in order to get his shot at the prize money.

Go for Zucker has generated little news among the billiards community since its release. Within the AZ Billiards Forum, the gold standard of billiards chatter, there has been just one message post, and none on the Billiards Digest or Vegas Billiards Buzz forums. The former Billiard Boys billiards movie list, which includes more than a handful of foreign and independent films, didn’t even reference it.

Yet, this is hardly a low-budget, B-rated, made-for-television film. On the contrary, the movie received generally favorable reviews from the mainstream press, four nominations for the European Film Award, and four wins plus six additional nominations for the Deustcher Filmpreis (Germany’s highest film award) in 2005. (As one journalist wrote, “It’s not every day that a comedy about German Jews, told by a non-Jewish writer, depicted by non-Jewish actors and directed toward a non-Jewish audience, succeeds in Germany.”[1] ) The movie has even been written about in a number of books on film, including Strategies of Humor in Post-Unification German Literature, Film, and Other Media and A Companion to German Cinema.

Go for ZuckerOne likely reason for the omission is that Americans aren’t really interested in foreign-made films. In fact, 95% of all films watched by Americans are US films.[2]

Then there is the subject matter. Dani Levy, the film’s Jewish director of German-Swiss origin, said he made the film to try to revive the genre of Jewish comedy, first made famous by Ernest Lubitsch. Perhaps, the notion of using comedy to address the question of Jewish identity in the Berlin republic is not going to resonate among a community that hasn’t had a famous Jewish player since Mike Sigel was inducted into the Billiard Congress of America Hall of Fame in 1989.

Finally, the reason may be the billiards, or lack thereof, in Go for Zucker. Within the 95 minutes, there are only a handful of pool-playing scenes, from the opening hustle to the tournament play to the final match occurring outside of the tournament. Nonetheless, as I’ve stated before, an enjoyable billiards movie does not need to feel like InsidePoolTV.   That’s the great thing about billiards as a metaphor. What it represents off-screen can be far more compelling than watching a handful of shots made on-screen.

Go for Zucker is widely available to stream, rent, or buy on DVD.

[1]       “They’re Laughing at Jews in Germany,” by Michael Levitin, Forward, July 8, 2005

[2]       http://screenville.blogspot.com/2010/01/foreign-film-friendly-countries-world.html

The Story of One Billiard-Room

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The Story of One Billiard-Room

Years ago, I stumbled across posters for the 1988 Russian billiards movie The Story of One Billiard-Room (original title: Istoriya odnoy bilyardnoy komandi). The posters, available through Pop Culture Graphics, were unusual and memorable, striking in comparison to the more typical movie posters seen across the billiards movie landscape.  But, aside from the posters, my research uncovered very little about the film.

The script is by Alexsandr Adabashyan, who has written, acted in, directed, or helped produce well over 40 movies and television shows.  It also features an all-Russian cast, including Sergei Gazarov and Semyon Farada, both of whom are stage and film veterans. But, for all three of these gentlemen, this particular movie seems to have been largely ignored.

The only path that was not a dead-end was researching the movie’s director, Sebastián Alarcón.  Mr. Alarcón is a native of Chile, who left his homeland after graduating college to attend VGIK, a film school in Moscow.  Though he planned to return to Chile to make movies, his efforts were thwarted by a political coup and he was forced to remain in Moscow living in exile. Thus, he then began making movies for Mosfilm, the largest and oldest film studio in Russia.

One of the first films Mr. Alarcón made was a 1977 documentary Night Over Chile, which became immensely popular.  Its success spurred the director to continue making films about Chile, often about dictatorships and political struggle.  It was not until the late ‘80s when Mr. Alarcón turned to lighter subjects.  This is the time when he made the black humor comedy The Story of One Billiard-Room. The only reference I could then find to the movie was from a 100-year retrospective on Chilean cinema that described the movie as follows:

A sports team faces its toughest match: the danger of the degradation and dissolution, to lose the sense of their existence by the transformation of the town in which they live. The arrival of consumerism causes loss of consciousness and competition team that for years has called and given the identity. It is a metaphor both what happened in those years in the Soviet Union, but also to Chile molded in the ’80s.

The Story of One Billiard-RoomHaving otherwise struck out on learning more, I marked the film as “Wanted,” and moved on to other billiards movies. Luckily, in September 2021, a reader of this blog, Leonardo O, learned about my search and shared that he had gotten an .avi file of the film, without subtitles, from a Russian site two years ago. He then extracted the sound and used a service to generate an automatic transcription in Cyrillic. This allowed Google Translate to generate an automatic translation to English. He shared the file with me, while admitting the English subtitles had mistakes in translation and synchronicity. 

I am so thankful to Leonardo for reaching out and sharing the film. Unfortunately, the auto-translation was too butchered to make much sense, so my understanding of the movie remains only nominally better than the aforementioned description.

That’s too bad, as there’s some unusual imagery in the movie. For starters, the billiards team all wear numbered red jerseys and bicycle helmets. They also congregate around the billiards table, which is – wait for it – round with four pockets along the perimeter and a pocket in the middle.  When a ball falls into the middle pocket, smoke shoots up from the center, and the team’s captain uses a small handheld fishing net to retrieve the ball. 

There’s no actual playing in the movie, though the captain takes the team through some dexterity drills and mathematics practice. It seems he had grand ambitions for how the game could raise the global profile of his village and his athletes, but those plans fall apart as his team is lured to the surrounding material attractions of Coca Cola, music, television, and hot rods. By the end of the movie, the billiards table sits unused beneath a dusty cover, and the team is garbed in punk clothing, lollygagging with local ladies, and acting reckless. From the broken translation:

We together created a new game that demanded wild efforts of energy with self-sacrifice, energy, discipline… my friends and what kind of people, who they are, what they want,  what I personally do not know. But in general it seems that they are not interested in our game at all.