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Billiards Short Films, 2023

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An argument can be made that 2023 was a great year for film.

The industry rebounded from the pandemic with domestic box office ticket sales surpassing $9 billion. A slew of A-list directors – Scorsese, Miyazaki, Mann, Fincher, (Ridley) Scott, Linklater, Gerwig – released new movies. And, of course, there was the Barbenheimer phenomenon, which not only suggested audiences can tolerate more than MCU blockbusters, but also that cinematic portmanteaus are going to be the new normal.

It was certainly a better-than-average year for billiards short films, with five notable entries from around the world releasing in 2023. While they’re not on the level of the genre’s more recent standard-bearers, such as Petrichor, 8, or Inglorious Billiards, they comprise an enjoyable 41 minutes of billiards film watching.

The Ballad of Rich and Champ

Ballad of Rich & Champ, TheIf Robert Rodriguez (Sin City; From Dusk till Dawn) was back in film school, he might have made a movie like The Ballad of Rich and Champ. Written and directed by Caleb Voyles, who completed his Film Production Master’s programs at Florida State University and FullSail University in 2022, Ballad is a homage to 1970s American Cinema, and perhaps, to Mr. Rodriguez, who had too much fun reminding audiences of 70s grindhouse films with his 2007 tribute Planet Terror.

In Ballad, Voyles plays loosely with saturated colors, wardrobes, funky music, a fake trailer (Pieta: A Meditation on Suffering), and plenty of cinema techniques that defined the low-budget, drive-in b-movie blessings that have resurfaced in popularity today thanks to Rodriguez and especially Quentin Tarantino.

The plot is generic, but that’s nothing new. A pair of hustlers – Rich and Champ – have a regular night at the billiards table turn deadly when an opponent makes clear this will be Champ’s last game. There’s a moderate amount of billiards playing – nothing memorable – but the film style and original soundtrack keep you smiling. The full billiards short film is available to watch here.

The Caligo Cuckoo

Caligo Cuckoo, TheThe Caligo Cuckoo may be missing Rod Serling’s famous opener, but there’s no mistaking the film’s deep admiration of The Twilight Zone. Director Kai Patterson shared, “I loved how each story [of The Twilight Zone would transport you to another dimension with endless possibilities, usually with some kind of sinister twist in the end. They felt like old ghost stories you’d tell your friends around a campfire, cautionary tales of sorts. The show made a huge impact on me at a very young age and I wanted to create a film that gave me the same feeling today.”

Patterson’s paean seemingly extends beyond The Twilight Zone to the famous 1961 episode “A Game of Pool,” in which Jack Klugman and Jonathan Winters played a game of billiards with life-altering consequences. While definitely not a remake (we’ll leave that to the 1985 “A Game of Pool” episode of the revised Twilight Zone), Cuckoo also pits two players against one another in the middle of the night in which “a quick game of pool can change your life.” 

Cuckoo is a well-crafted film. Only 15 minutes long, Patterson maximizes every minute to create mood and tension, as well as build to the climactic reveal. To capture all the nuance, it deserves more than one watch, and will probably have you thinking twice about the concept of “stepping into another man’s shoes.” The full billiards short film is available to watch here.

Smoking Dolphins

Smoking DolphinsWhile the entirety of Smoking Dolphins is shot around a snooker table inside a rundown social club, the film has nothing to do with billiards. Nor is it about smoking dolphins, though most of the film is a buildup to the incredulous story of a pair of dolphins who are able to – almost – sneak a smoke in the midst of ignorant onlookers. It’s a preposterous tale, made all the more absurd by the ratatat storytelling from the film’s two oddball protagonists, who only reveal their ulterior motives at the end. 

As director Sean Lyons shares, Smoking Dolphins honors “the eccentric locals who, more often than not, chose to spend their time regaling customers with the same old stories, most of which were either embellished to the nth degree or completely fabricated.

”But, it’s also a sharp-barbed satire of Brexit and, in particular, Prime Minister Boris Johnson, who Lyons criticizes for his daily lies and scandals. Lyons channeled his frustration in making the film. “I saw the parallels of the bullshit spewed by characters in the script and by those leading the country. A lot of advice you hear is to make a film about something you care about deeply…Seeing those parallels opened a door…to make a film and a subject I feel strongly about.” The full billiards short film is available to watch here.

Spiel Des Lebens (Game of Life)

Not all the 2023 billiards short films were good. German director Marcel Flock’s Spiel Des Lebens (Game of Life) is an apocalyptic bomb. The year is 2036. To relieve overcrowded prisons, convicts must face off against the guards in Ball 13 (Future Billiards) life-or-death matches. 

I’m a sucker for dystopian films, but like Hard Knuckle and The Day Lufberry Won It All, this one is painful to watch. Nobody – not the inmates, not the guards – knows how to shoot billiards! If someone used that over-the-middle-knuckle bridge against me, I’d probably want them eliminated, too. 

Granted, this is a “proof of concept” (as opposed to a complete short film), so it naturally feels a little disjointed. But, if it is intended to be a composition of scenes that best represent the concept, story, tone and themes of a potential feature film, the future looks pretty grim. You can watch the proof of concept here.

Tamatsuki’s Dream

Tamatsuki's DreamAt 60 minutes, the Japanese movie Tamatsuki’s Dream, directed by Keita Taguchi, sits in the cinematic purgatory between short and feature-length films, depending on whose chronometric definition is used. I was feeling generous.

I was unable to find this movie to watch, but was highly intrigued by both the film’s poster and its description: “Set in Japan during World War II, Kishino lives in Kumano’s mansion as a concubine, a landowner and munitions factory owner. Upon hearing that her younger brother has been killed in battle, she attempts to commit suicide with her lover. However, just as she is about to commit suicide, she meets a man named Asajiro, who resembles her younger brother. Asajiro, who suffers from tuberculosis, is exempt from military service and lives a secluded life. He runs a billiards parlor that he started with his wife, who also died of tuberculosis, and is under police scrutiny for disrupting public morals, but he still has a dream of becoming the world billiards champion.”

A trailer for the billiards short film is available to watch here. If you can help locate this film to watch, please contact me directly.

The Player: Released At Last!

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When Heinrich Schliemann discovered Troy in the 1870s, observers were disappointed that the archaeological site’s grandeur did not align with its portrayal in Homer’s Iliad. When Howard Carter discovered King Tut’s tomb in 1922, many were initially underwhelmed by its small size, and later, by its absence of secret chambers. 

Sometimes, reality falls well short of expectation.

The Player - billiards moviesThat’s certainly the truth behind the recent discovery of The Player, a billiards movie released in November 1971 and considered forever lost. For more than 50 years, billiards enthusiasts have talked about the legendary film, starring Minnesota Fats as “the greatest pool hustler in the greatest pool movie.” The film was the El Dorado of the billiards film genre, often discussed but rarely, if ever, seen, except by a select few who may have viewed it during the one week it played at one of a handful of Ogden-Perry Theatres half a century ago.

Like so many others, I had devoted considerable time to tracking down the film. I even discovered a two-minute trailer. It was like staring at a blurred photo of a head emerging from Loch Ness – proof of an existence just beyond grasp, or maybe a hoax about a film that was never finished. But, ultimately, all my sleuthing proved fruitless, all my leads were dead-ends, and I discontinued the search about 10 years ago. It was the opinion of this billiards film historian that The Player was gone for good.

That denouement – that acceptance of truth – was detonated two months ago when the folks at FT Depot, a film restoration community, dropped a billiards bomb by unexpectedly releasing the complete version of The Player, available here.

The story of that release, which is discussed in detail on the YouTube site, is infinitely more engaging and entertaining than the actual movie. An abandoned print, a delinquent drive-in operator, a storage room filled with rain puddles, Vinegar Syndrome, physical distortion – it’s a cinematic billiards miracle, a feat almost as incredible as Willie Mosconi’s 526-ball run or Efren Reyes’ history-making Z-shot at the 1995 Sands Regency 9-Ball Open.

As for The Player, it’s hard to overstate the awfulness of this film. 

The Player - billiards movieCreated as a decade-late response to The Hustler, which starred Jackie Gleason as the fictional, corpulent pool shark Minnesota Fats, Thomas DeMartini’s The Player featured the real Minnesota Fats (aka Rudolf Wanderone) in his film debut. Though Fats was central to the film’s marketing, he only appears in three scenes, all of which basically consist of him, playing himself, sauntering around the table, knocking in balls and making dazzling trick shots.

The rest of the movie focuses on a respected pool player Lou Marchesi, whose life begins to crumble through his association with Sylvia, a beautiful and sophisticated woman who refuses to understand or accept his way of life. 

The movie largely ping pongs between uninterrupted matches of 9-ball, 14.1, and one-pocket, primarily filmed at the former Shopper’s Pool Room in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, and cringe worthy scenes between Lou and Sylvia. The characters are wooden, the script is soporific, the drama is turgid, the pacing is terrible, the filming is poor, and there are almost two relentless hours of reusing the same musical riffs, with the sole exception being the inclusion of Shorty Rogers’ jazzy tune, “The Player.” 

Fats is, by far, the most entertaining aspect of the movie, which says something given his limited screen time and lack of acting. (He does have one of the film’s best lines, when he expresses concern to Lou about his overbearing girlfriend and deadpans, “you better dust this tomato off.”) 

Throughout the 1960s, producers had allegedly approached Fats about making another great pool movie to follow on the success of The Hustler. He turned down many scripts until he found one that was perfect and realistic with The Player. 

I’m pretty sure that story is bogus, but like so much with Fats, who is famous for claiming that Jackie Gleason’s character (created by Walter Tevis) was modeled after him, sometimes the fiction is more entertaining than the facts.

That’s also the story of The Player, a film whose mythology has proven to be far more interesting than its actual content. As appreciative as I am to the technical wizards at FT Depot, I can’t help but wonder if this film was better left in that storage room, shrouded in mystique and deserving not to see another day.

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Jeanette Lee Vs.

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“Face it, America. You only watch pool because of Jeanette Lee.”

While billiards has always had its share of colorful personalities, perhaps no other player – certainly, no other woman or American – has possessed such magnetism and star power as the Black Widow, aka Jeanette Lee. Combining unapologetic swagger with knockout looks, an eye-catching wardrobe, and exceptional, rapid-fire, pool-playing prowess, Jeanette Lee captured imaginations, provoked controversy, and generated admiration, all while propelling the popularity of billiards in the 1990s and early 2000s.

Jeanette Lee VsWhereas many of the sport’s global superstars have had their stories told on screen (e.g., Jimmy White the One and Only; The Strickland Story; Shane Van Boening – The South Dakota Kid; Alex Higgins: The People’s Champion), it took more than 30 years for a biopic of this BCA Hall of Famer to appear.  Fortunately, Ursula Liang, director of the award-winning films 9-Man and Down a Dark Stairwell, has gifted us “Jeanette Lee Vs.,” a 50-minute film as part of ESPN’s sports documentary series 30 for 30. 

With its jarring, in-your-face title, Jeanette Lee Vs. makes it clear this is no ordinary life history. This is the account of one woman who has been battling opponents – the kids of Crown Heights, the tight-knit players within the Women’s Professional Billiard Association (WPBA), the hound-doggish media, and her biggest rival, a never-ending onslaught of health maladies – determined to undermine or destroy her. At her core, Ms. Lee is an undeterred, imperturbable fighter, which makes her story so compelling.

Jeanette Lee Vs. begins with Ms. Lee’s upbringing in the Brooklyn neighborhood of Crown Heights. As the only Korean-American girl in a predominantly African-American school, she was mocked with racist taunts, such as “Ching Chong” and “Cholly Wong.” Her father split when she was five; her mother was absent, working around the clock as a registered nurse. She was close with her older sister, Doris, but otherwise developed a chainmail exterior and a fiercely competitive mien. “I wanted to destroy the boys,” she recalls from an early age.

That tough childhood got tenfold worse when she was diagnosed with scoliosis at age 12. “They ripped apart my spine…it destroyed me. I was really tortured…I was in a very bad place,” Ms. Lee recounts. 

Sadly, in what has now been well-documented, the scoliosis was just the beginning of a tortuous and agonizing medical journey.  Now 51, Ms. Lee has had more than 10 neck and back surgeries. In a 2016 CNN profile, she shared, “I have developed multiple conditions including deteriorated discs, degenerative disc disease, carpal tunnel syndrome and severe sciatic pain. I have bursitis in both shoulders and both hips. A few years ago, I was diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis.” And that was before she learned in 2021 that she had Stage 4 ovarian cancer, which even after six rounds of chemotherapy, has not and will not go into remission.

Jeanette Lee Vs. doesn’t skirt the fact that it is not clear how much longer Ms. Lee has to live. But, the documentary also doesn’t overly dwell on these chapters of her biography.  Rather these diseases and their side effects are members of her rogue’s gallery, opponents that she must crush or die trying. Is it any wonder that Ms. Lee was once a spokesperson for Rocawear in their 2008 “I Will Not Lose” campaign?

Billiards DigestBack to young Ms. Lee. The teen years were full of drugs, skipping school, and “punching holes in her ears.” It was only the opening of Chelsea Billiards, a 24/7, 15,000 square foot upscale pool palace, that fortuitously gave Ms. Lee a respite from her rebellion.  One night, she witnessed straight-pool legend Johnny Ervolino playing, and she was mesmerized and hooked. She became a regular denizen and was fortunate to have billiards great Gene Nagy take her “under his wing.”  Though she was “always in pain” and understood billiards was “the last thing she should be doing,” she threw herself into the sport. “Before pool, I wasn’t sure why I was here. I finally found something I loved. Everything changed. I could escape from all the things that made me unhappy.”

As Ms. Lee has often declared in interviews, she turned pro at 21 and became number one in the world 18 months later. It is during this chronicle of time when Jeanette Lee Vs. shines brightest. Her skills and sex appeal drew adulating fans and masturbatory manchilds (seriously – the footage from The Man Show with Adam Corolla putting cornstarch down his pants to ease the genital burn of watching the Black Widow is beyond the pale).

There is no denying Ms. Lee’s incredible billiards skills. She received more than 30 titles and awards between 1993 and 2005, including the WPBA U.S. Open 9-Ball Championship (1994), the 9-Ball Tournament of Champions (1999, 2003), and the gold medal at the World Games 9-Ball Singles in Akita, Japan (2001).

SAM Billiards Digest 2But, as the documentary makes clear, her meteoric rise was also fueled by the times. She discovered billiards right on the heels of The Color of Money, which created a national resurgence of interest in the sport (as well as led to the opening of the aforementioned Chelsea Billiards). ESPN2 had launched in 1993, hungry for programming that would appeal to younger audiences. Women’s billiards became a network staple, anchored by the allure of the Black Widow. For Koreans, who were attacked in the 1992 Los Angeles riots and longed for national icons in a country that now felt more foreign than ever, Ms. Lee personified a can’t stop-won’t stop grit and determination.  And for the rest of America, which wasn’t used to seeing Asians on TV, Ms. Lee was a mystery, a modern-day domineering “dragon queen” (an unfortunate phrase that Ms. Lee said she heard more times than she can count). “I started to own the Black Widow,” says a glinting Ms. Lee.

That same persona, however, also provoked the anger and jealousy of her WPBA peers – some of whom are interviewed on-screen – who dismissed her talent and questioned her style and conduct. “I was thoroughly hated,” Ms. Lee shares.  At one point, one of Ms. Lee’s opponents anonymously sent her a copy of Dr. Seuss’ Yertle the Turtle, accusing her of “stepping on everyone” to get to the top. Allison Fisher, her one-time “nemesis,” doesn’t mask her emotions when she decries the fame heaped upon Ms. Lee. Ms. Fisher matter-of-factly states she was the better player, yet no one seemed to know. 

Fisher QueensI can’t but wonder if, during the interview, Ms. Fisher was thinking about the proposed 2015 documentary The Fisher Queens (about Alison, Mandy, and Kelly Fisher, three unrelated snooker champions), which was never made due to the inability to raise more than $11,000. Apparently, there was a lack of interest in her billiards story.

Ms. Liang recognized the potential minefield she was walking in by asking Ms. Fisher, Loree Jon Jones, Kelly Fisher, and others to participate in the documentary. As Ms. Liang shared in an interview with The Moveable Feast:

[I made] a really specific point of asking each of these women in the interview what their reaction was to us doing a 30 for 30 on Jeanette, knowing that there has not been another 30 for 30 done on another female pool player and I think to a person, they each took a pause. Not that many female pool players are getting a documentary period, so I think they all have their opinions about where she falls in greatness in terms of physical skill and that everyone also puts an asterisk next to that, knowing that her career was derailed in some ways by her physical pain.

But they all [also] acknowledge that Jeanette is the most well-known player out there period and she came in at the right moment and she was not only incredibly visible, but incredibly charismatic and whatever she got for herself, she lifted all boats. They were all making more money because of what she was doing, so I think they understood how much she has given to the sport.

Jeanette Lee Vs. is a chronological account of The Black Widow; at the same time, her life and narrative is a complex web. Ms. Lee is the hero of this tale, which sometimes is almost hagiographic. But, she also was forced into the role of villain and otherized as an Asian-American stereotype. Her survival story is one of hope and incredible perseverance, but is also undergirded by loneliness.  The story is rich and full of interesting chapters, but it’s also incomplete, at least according to Ms. Lee.  Her final sentiments bring no closure, only more questions: “God, if you have a greater purpose for me, tell me. This is not all I was meant to do.”

Jeanette Lee Vs. is available to stream on ESPN. The episode aired in December, 2022.

Dr. Kildare

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Many celebrities are known to have picked up a cue stick offscreen. 

A small subset (e.g, Dustin Hoffman, Peter Falk, Jackie Gleason, Buster Keaton) have earned praise, even among the billiards community, for their skills. 

But, at the top of Mount Celebrity sits the true pantheon of pool players – i.e., those who might run 100 balls straight. This exclusive group includes Mark Twain, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, and of course, Fred Astaire, who was known to practice 14:1 in his basement up to six hours a day and was friends with BCA Hall of Famers Dan DiLiberto and Ed Kelly, according to former Billiards Digest Contributing Editor George Fels.1

Mr. Astaire’s pool prowess is legendary, though largely unwitnessed by the general public. However, there is one exception. In 1965, in one of his few television roles, Mr. Astaire played Joe Quinlan, a warm-hearted pool shark, across four episodes of the medical drama television series Dr. Kildare. 

Though Dr. Kildare is quaint, maudlin and dated by today’s standards, the four episodes – “Fathers and Daughters” (November 22, 1965), “A Gift of Love” (November 23), “The Tent Dwellers” (November 29), and “Going Home” (November 30) – offer a wonderful lens for watching and appreciating Mr. Astaire, and equally important, for treating billiards with a modicum of respect. 

Dr. Kildare is an NBC medical drama series that ran from 1961 to 1966, for a total of 191 episodes over five seasons. Richard Chamberlain, a hitherto unknown actor,  played the eponymous doctor and quickly became a star and heartthrob. The episodes occur at the fictional Blair General Hospital, where Dr. Kildare tries to learn his profession, deal with patients’ problems, and win the respect of the senior Dr. Leonard Gillespie (Raymond Massey).

In the episode “Fathers and Daughters,” Sister Laurie Benjamin (Laura Devon), a medical missionary nun, returns from her field work with an advanced state of acute stem cell leukemia. She checks into Blair Hospital and is visited by her father, Joe Quinlan (Astaire), an affable, nomadic pool shark, who is in town for the Invitational Tournament of Champions: World’s Foremost Pocket Billiards Stars, with its $4,000 pot (approximately $38,000 today). Sister Benjamin lauds her father as “an artist – the greatest pocket billiard player in the whole world…on some occasions.” Describing his profession to Dr. Kildare, Quinlan jocularly explains, “My working equipment: a two piece pool cue.  The sight of it gives my sister a rash.”

Naturally, Sister Benjamin wishes to conceal the seriousness of her condition from her father; at the same time, her father wishes to downplay the severity of his shortness of breath and unusual chest palpitations, symptoms she soon learns are tied to his coronary heart disease.

In “A Gift for Love,” Quinlan fails to show up for his scheduled EKG.  Seeking to locate the absent patient, Dr. Kildare goes to the local pool room and learns that in only a week it will become the setting for an “elite” matchup, including “Ulysses ‘The Burglar’ Jackson from Newark New Jersey, Phil Carmichael from Detroit, Deacon Otis Potts of Kansas City, and the great Joe Quinlan, 16 superstars in all.”

Quinlan is located and teases us with a couple of shots, but he is ultimately brought back to the hospital, where he befriends Francis Healy (Harry Morgan, who would later become famous as Colonel Potter in M*A*S*H). Healy tells Quinlan there is another patient, Mr. Gaffney, who has taken a lot of money off of Healy in some not-so-friendly games of pool.  Healy asks for Quinlan’s help getting some of his money back. “Gaffney has two-thirds of the money in this state. He’s greedy and looking for blood. You could flub half a dozen shots and still beat this guy with a broomstick in your hand.” Sympathetic to Healy’s situation, Quinlan agrees to play, so long as he personally does have to bet any money.

In the penultimate “The Tent Dwellers” episode, we get to see Astaire, the master, at work. Quinlan plays Gaffney in a straight pool game to 50.  His shots are effortless. There is a beautiful combination that prompts Gaffney to initially say, “You make it and I will eat it like an egg, swallowing the thing whole.” (He makes it, though no cue ball is consumed.) The episode largely serves to enforce both Quinlan’s billiards skills and, more important, his altruism. 

While the medical staff chastise him for risking his health, Quinlan beseeches the doctors to give him a more honest assessment of his daughter’s health. Knowing her condition is worsening and concerned about her mounting hospital expenses, he says to no one, “Spare Laurie for those who need her most. Take a clown like me.”

Finally, in “Going Home,” Quinland disappears from the hospital once more. It’s no secret he has gone to compete in the tournament. Dr. Kildare and Healy follow. Naive to the sport, Dr. Kildare watches with awe as Healy explains the skill required to set up shots and run the table, and the economics behind the game, which often exist outside the main action. Healy surmises that Quinlan has “hocked everything but the sterling hair in his ears” to get in on action with big investors in order to ensure he has the means to pay for his daughter’s medical expenses.

SPOILER ALERT. The final match pits Quinlan against Ulysses Jackson (Harold ‘Red’Baker).2 The back-and-forth match gives both men a chance to demonstrate their skills. (Note: Mr. Astaire reportedly insisted on playing all his own pool on-camera – i.e., no cutaway hand shots – as a condition for appearing in the episodes.) Perspiring and periodically clutching at his chest, Quinlan ultimately wins the match, though he passes away shortly thereafter.  

Sister Benjamin, whose leukemia has miraculously gone into remission, is able to leave the hospital. She retrieves her father’s cue and case as a keepsake of his memories, but not before dispensing some billiards advice to a practicing player.  It’s a fitting coda; a hopeful suggestion that the spirit and power of billiards can transcend the individual and pass to the next generation. 

The four episodes from the fifth season of Dr. Kildare are available to purchase on DVD. They are also streaming online at Stremio; however, if you live in either New York or Los Angeles, you can watch them, as I did, at the Paley Center for Media.

  1. “November: Jelly Roles,” by George Fels, Billiards Digest, November 2012.
  2. According to cuemaker Rick Geschrey, Red Baker was a top pocket billiards and three-cushion player. He “could beat top pros in money games on a regular basis. He competed with the likes [of] Greenleaf, Mosconi, Cochran and Hoppe and many others…Baker was on close terms with many in Hollywood and was often called in as a billiard consultant and stand-in. Close-ups of his hands have appeared in many television and movie sequences.”

Pakners

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Two types of people are likely to love the 2003 Philippine billiards movie Pakners. 

The first group are those who deify Efren Reyes, one of the stars of the film. And by “deify,” I don’t mean the aficionados who worship his billiards genius; I mean those who truly worship him, who “see him as one of their own, a man who has pulled himself up from poverty to become world-famous.”1

The second group are those who love Philippine cinema. They appreciate the historic importance of Mr. Reyes, in his cinematic debut, and Fernando Poe Jr., the King of Philippine film, headlining a movie together. They appreciate the bonhomie of their Pinoy heroes, almost folkloric on the screen. They appreciate the familiar neighborhood characters, settings, and sounds.2

For those of us not fitting either grouping, Pakners is likely to be a painful viewing experience, except for the ending at the San Miguel Beer 9-Ball Invitational Doubles Challenge, where both Mr. Reyes and Mr. Poe showcase some spectacular pool.

But, I’ll rewind, as some additional background may be helpful here, especially if the two co-stars’ names are unfamiliar.

Let’s start with “The Magician” Efren “Bata” Reyes, widely considered to be the G.O.A.T. of billiards. The Babe Ruth of the Baize. The Pelé of Pool.  The Tiger Woods with the Táku. His story of humble upbringings and meteoric billiards feats has been told countless times. (A good starting point is the documentary Probe Profile on Efren Reyes.) So much of his likability stems not just from his mind-boggling talent, but his modesty, humility, and generosity, all magnified by his famous toothless grin and his everyday attire.

Mr. Poe is likely less well-known to non-Filipinos, but “Da King” is a national icon, having appeared in 300 films between 1955 and 2003. He often portrays a champion of the poor and downtrodden, an on-screen Robin Hood. His movies have earned him five FAMAS Awards, a record that led to his induction into the FAMAS Hall of Fame in 1988.

Pakners, therefore, represents the pairing of two kings of their crafts. (It was also the last film Mr. Poe made before his run for presidency and then death later in 2004.) For many, seeing the two icons together on the same screen was exhilarating and groundbreaking.  The movie didn’t require great plot or dialogue or direction to wow its built-in fan base.

But, for the rest of us, it did, and regrettably, Pakners comes up very short.

Manuel Diyamunga (Efren Reyes) is an innocent baker and a fish-out-of-water, who is conned out of his savings when he travels to the big city. Fortunately, he is befriended by Nanding Escalante (Fernando Poe Jr), a soft-spoken jeepney driver. The duo realize they have a shared affinity for billiards and seize upon the sport as a way both for Manuel to recover his losses and Nanding to avenge an earlier humiliation he suffered that shut down his billiards career.

Along the way, the gents do some singing and some jabbing (not sure which is more amusing: Mr. Reyes warbling a tune or throwing some rat-a-tat punches), and they find some lady loves, but mainly they play some pool. Sure, there are some bad guys on the periphery, but they’re as effective as Keystone Kops. 

Fast-forward past the terrible sound effects and lame fight sequences and Pakners culminates with the aforementioned San Miguel doubles tournament. The pair face the US opponents of Jackson and McGrady (perhaps, a reference to Keith McCready, who was Tom Cruise’s nemesis in The Color of Money). Finally, there is some beautiful billiards, including a couple of the impossible shots that we forever associate with Mr. Reyes. It’s a splendid reward, but it’s hardly worth the watch.

  1. “The Magician,” The Atlantic, March, 2005.
  2. “A Romp in the ‘Hood,” PhilStar Global, June 2003.
  3. The sponsorship by San Miguel, one of the largest conglomerates in the Philippines, is not insignificant. In 1998, Mr. Poe notably did his first product endorsement ever with San Miguel. Years later, Mr. Reyes did his first commercial for San Miguel. The corporation was also a big supporter of Pakners.

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A final note: my viewing experience was unquestionably compromised by Veed, the translating and subtitling software I used to convert the original Filipino version of Pakners I found online to something I could watch.  However, when the software spits out subtitles, such as, “…your turtle who is having a hard time here at home kiss BoiBoiBoy water for…” then it’s probably time to take up Duolingo.

American Chopper – “Jeanette Lee Black Widow Bike”

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Lamentably, many Amercians cannot name a professional billiards player alive today. But, among those who can, one name is likely to arise often: Jeanette Lee, aka The Black Widow.

Though Ms. Lee has lately garnered headlines for her recent announcement of stage 4 ovarian cancer (on top of the scoliosis she has fought against since age 12), her billiards accomplishments are legendary. A former No. 1 female pool player in the world; a three times runner-up at the women’s World Nine-ball Championship; the Women’s Professional Billiard Association (WPBA) Sportsperson of the Year Award in 1998; a gold medal winner for the United States at the 2001 World Games in Akita, Japan; and an inductee into the Billiard Congress of America Hall of Fame in 2013.

Those achievements, coupled with her statuesque looks and distinct visual style, have led to her off-the-baize success and fame.  Ms. Lee has appeared in film (e.g., 9-Ball), television (e.g., Arli$$; Cake Boss – “Painters, Pool and Pink,”), and commercials (e.g., Ford Explorer); she has been profiled in Sports Illustrated; she has been photographed for the ESPN Body Issue; she has even authored a book:  The Black Widow’s Guide to Killer Pool: Become the Player to Beat.

So, perhaps it’s not a surprise that Ms. Lee’s cultural stardom also took her to Newburgh, New York, where she joined Paul Teutal Sr. (aka Senior) and his team at Orange County Choppers (OCC) to create a customized Black Widow motorcycle on the reality television series American Chopper.1 

Produced by Pilgrim Films & Television, American Chopper ran for six seasons, initially on the Discovery Channel and then TLC.  Ms. Lee appears in the series’ sixth season on the December 2009 episode, “Jeanette Lee Black Widow Bike.”

The episode begins with Ms. Lee entering OCC’s retail shop to demonstrate some trick shots, including hitting the 8-ball out of Senior’s mouth into the corner pocket, and then exchanging banter with Senior while playing him in several games of eightball. 

At the end of the games, Ms. Lee shares that ever since the OCC introduced their original Black Widow bike (from the first season of American Chopper), she’s been fielding calls from fans, who mistakenly think it was named after her. So, she wants one, customized for her, that she can take on the road.2 

The bulk of the episode is then focused on the assembly of her chopper. The goal is to leverage the standard Black Widow frame, but add some “wow” to make it truly unique. The decision-making process covers the tank selection, the fabrication of the fenders (with their three-dimensional webbing welding), and the simplification of the seat design.

After two days of assembly, Senior unveils the custom Black Widow bike at the Seminole Hard Rock Casino in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, where Ms. Lee is participating in a WPBA tournament.  Ms. Lee looks genuinely thrilled by the chopper. Her husband, George Breedlove, looks a bit more distressed.  Asked for her reaction, Ms. Lee says, “It’s beautiful, sexy, strong, but it’s feminine…it’s hot, it’s a hot bike. I’m feeling some fire.”

The “Jeanette Lee Black Widow Bike” episode of American Chopper is available to stream on Discovery+.

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1. Interestingly, this was not the first vehicle renovation reality series to include billiards. A few years earlier, the rapper Xzibit “pimped” a 1988 Chevrolet S10 with a built-in pool table on the show Pimp My Ride.

2. In fact, OCC was commissioned by LiquidWick Pool Cues, which signed Ms. Lee to a multi-year contract at the end of 2007, to build the custom bike for her. As is made apparent at the end of the episode, Ms. Lee is not a motorcyclist, even nervously asking what is the “throttle.”

Hard Luck Love Song

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Avril Lavigne recently revealed that she is planning to turn her 2002 globe-spanning, Grammy-nominated, pop-punk anthem “Sk8er Boi” into a feature film.1

Hard Luck Love SongI’m no advisor to the stars, but she might want to reconsider that creative gamble. The landscape of ‘songs made into movies’ is largely a cinematic wasteland. Sure, the film Yellow Submarine was genius, Sam Peckinpah’s Convoy did decently, and Arthur Penn earned an Oscar nomination for directing Alice’s Restaurant, even if the film was a box office flop. But, outliers aside, the 80+ films in the genre represent a hodgepodge of ‘never heard of it’ and ‘wished I hadn’t watched it.’

Unfortunately, the 2020 billiards movie Hard Luck Love Song only adds to the genre’s detritus. 

Helmed by first-time director Justin Corsbie, Hard Luck Love Song is based on the 2006 folk song “Just Like Old Times” by American songwriter Todd Snider. Told in the first person, the song is the story of a pool hustler and a hooker, who having not seen one another in years, get reconnected when he sees an ad for her services in the weekly Scene. Little of the hustler’s backstory is revealed, except that he “won a tournament last week in Oklahoma City” and “hustled half of this town tonight.”

In Mr. Corsbie’s film, Jesse (Michael Dorman) is a struggling country music singer/songwriter, who is finally able to put a little cash in his pocket after overtly hustling some California locals in pool. Warned, but feeling confident, he registers for a tournament on the wrong side of town, which pits him against the heavily tattooed neighborhood chieftain Rollo (an unrecognizable Dermot Mulroney). Rather than settling for just the tournament’s pot, Jesse hustles Rollo for an additional $2000 and then narrowly escapes.

Back in his motel room and flush with cash, the movie now picks up where the song starts:

There’s a Coke machine glowin’ through the parking lot

Call it a room with a view

Best night of pool that I ever shot

I made a lot of money too

Enter Carla (Sophia Bush), the aforementioned prostitute. Jesse and Carla have real chemistry, and for a hot moment, the song/movie really works. But, after their rendezvous is interrupted by a police officer, who learns these crazy kids went to high school together in 1982, the song ends, and so does any coherence in the movie. 

Hard Luck Love SongA third act introduces Eric Roberts as an avuncular bar proprietor and Wu-Tang Clan’s RZA as a former boyfriend, but basically it’s a bunch of insipid dialogue that leads to a completely preposterous fight scene, in which Rollo proves pool hustling is no way to make a living.

There is also no further pool-playing, which makes me question the classification of Hard Luck Love Song as a billiards movie, but given the lackluster pool scenes in the film’s first act, it’s probably just as well.  Seriously, I’ve seen Kelly Bundy more convincingly portray pool hustling in Married… with Children than what passes for billiards in this movie.  There are no styled shots, no set-ups, not even the de rigueur trick shot. When Rollo remarks that he’s never seen someone run a table like Jesse has, it makes you wonder what version of Skittle Pool he’s been playing.2

For a better (albeit hardly great) billiards movie originating from a song, check out The Baron and the Kid, based on Johnny Cash’s 1980 song, “The Baron.” While predictable and paper-thin, the film takes its billiards seriously (thanks, in no small part, to the technical advising of Mike Massey).  

Hard Luck Love Song is available to stream on Amazon Prime.

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1. Avril Lavigne Teases ‘Sk8er Boi’ Movie That Will Take Hit Song ‘to the Next Level’

2. According to Dr. Dave Alciatore, the pros break and run in 8-ball between 20-50% of the time. Seems mighty peculiar our friend Rollo had never seen a run.

Dude Perfect – “Pool Trick Shots”

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Dude Perfect may sound like the name of a frat-bro Venice beach cover band, but the moniker belies one of the world’s foremost sports content marketing juggernauts. Consisting of five former Texas A&M college roommates, Dude Perfect has created an eponymous YouTube channel with more than 57 million subscribers. Those numbers make it the second most popular sports YouTube channel and the 21st overall most subscribed YouTube channel.

Since launching in 2009 and shortly thereafter setting the Guinness world record for the longest basketball shot after shooting from the third deck of the Aggies football field, they have produced videos consisting of various sports trick shots, stunts, and battles, and in turn, have amassed more than 14.2 billion views (and 14 Guinness records).

Many celebrities have starred in the Dude Perfect videos, including Green Bay Packer Aaron Rodgers, Phoenix Sun Chris Paul, Australian ten-pin bowler Jason Belmonte, actor Paul Rudd, country singer Tim McGraw, beach volleyball star Morgan Beck, NASCAR drivers Ricky Stenhouse Jr., and tennis player Serena Williams. 

Not surprisingly, that star-studded guest list also includes world-renowned billiards trick shot artist Florian “Venom” Kohler, who appeared with the Dude Perfect quintet in “Pool Trick Shots” (December 2014) and again in “Pool Trick Shots 2” (February 2017).

Mr. Kohler is himself a bit of a YouTube wunderkind.  His jaw-dropping trick shots, which often involve ball jumping, massé-ing with multiple cues simultaneously, executing jump and massé shots on moving balls, and executing very high jumps, are mesmerizing. In a world where less than one percent of all YouTube videos exceed 100,000 views, Mr. Kohler’s posts, such as “Sexy Bikini Trick Shots” and “Sexy Pool Trick Shots” (featuring his wife Iana), have generated 14 million and 22 million views, respectively.

But, when you marry Mr. Kohler’s billiards mastery with the global reach and antics of Dude Perfect, it takes trick shots to a whole different level.

“Pool Trick Shots”

Mr. Kohler’s first appearance on Dude Perfect feels like a match made in high-fiving, fist-bumping, bro-hugging heaven. For fans of his milieu, the episode provides the opportunity to expand his viewership by 4-5x, while making shots that are creatively named, albeit somewhat familiar. They include the Curling Coffin Corner, the Beard Trimmer, the Jumbo Curve, and the aptly-named “Cody [Jones] + Ty[ler Toney] Trust Shot,” in which Mr. Kohler jumps a ball off the table into a clay target that is precariously nestled just below Cody and Ty’s genitals.

Whereas other Dude Perfect videos often feature the famous five performing the athletic feats, this webisode largely celebrates Mr. Kohler’s accomplishments, though the guys do make some impressive shots, including hitting two billiards balls from opposite directions into opposing corner pockets at the same time. 

“Pool Trick Shots” now has 79 million views and is available to watch here.

Pool Trick Shots 2 

Twenty-six months after his Dude Perfect debut, Mr. Kohler returned, bigger and ballsier – literally – than before. For starters, the “Trust Shot” from 2014 has been upped, with all five Dude Perfect members putting their nuts in the crosshairs. But that shot is pocket change compared to the Upper Decker Hole in One, in which Mr. Kohler shoots a billiards ball 28 yards out from a second-floor balcony onto a table, and then hits a second ball into that airborne ball pocketing it into a first floor golf hole.

Once again, the bro-clan celebrates every shot like they won the lottery. They make a few of their own creative shots, such as shooting a billiards-ball-tipped arrow onto a table, where it caroms three balls into three pockets; or, dressing up like a giant panda, slap shot a puck from one table on to another table, where it hits a ball into a pocket.

The webisode’s grand finale is the “Ty Trust Shot,” a shot so complex it’s hard to explain, but I will try. Mr. Kohler bounces a cue ball off a rail, hits that ball mid-air into a vertical trampoline, causing the ball to leap over the first table, when it then bounces off a rail on a second table and subsequently shatters a sugar glass perched atop of Ty’s head.

“Pool Trick Shots 2,” now with 81 million views, is available to watch here.

The Goldbergs – “Bad Companions”

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In 1956, billiards was still relatively novel to most Jewish-Americans.  Consider some of the Jews who have made an indelible contribution on the sport.[i] Barry Berhrman, the founder of the prestigious U.S. Open 9-Ball Championship, had just turned 10. Billiards Congress of America Hall of Famer Mike Sigel, whose mother used to complain that he wouldn’t go to Hebrew school because he was too tired from playing pool, was just starting to walk up stairs unassisted. Pool Wars author Jay Helfert is one of the game’s great chroniclers, but at best, he was still a little ankle-biter at that time.

Then, it’s hardly surprising that the 1956 episode “Bad Companions” of the TV sitcom The Goldbergs might find humor in Uncle David (Eli Mintz), a nebbish who has purchased a pool table at an auction but not knowing how to play, enlists the help of some pool hall locals to teach him the game.[ii]

In fact, the bigger surprise might be that such a Jewish sitcom existed at all.  Sure enough, The Goldbergs, created in 1948 by radio star Gertrude Berg, was not only television’s first family sitcom, but also a show squarely and confidently about a Jewish family. Ms. Berg, the show’s writer, producer, and star actress, played the family matriarch, Molly Goldberg.

According to columnist Matthue Roth, Ms. Berg’s “vision of The Goldbergs, from which the show never deviated, was that of an everyday family with simple interactions, believable plots, and guided by a gentle humor. The episodes followed a predictable pattern–family members encounter problems, land in tight spots, and then turn to their familial matriarch to bail them out.”[1]

In “Bad Companions,” Uncle David’s new pool table, a “fabulous gift for the whole family,” becomes a bit of a headache, since his peers either don’t know how to play or aren’t permitted to play by their spouses. Justifying his unfamiliarity with billiards, the family patriarch, Jake (Robert H. Harris), says, “pool is a game that requires leisure, it’s not something you’re born with.”

Undeterred, David recruits a well-mannered gaggle of locals from the Friendly Nook pool hall, paying them to come to his house and teach him pool and promising to be the “best pupil [they] ever had.” While not exactly Machiavellian hustlers, the “professors” – Stosh, Big Louie, Little Louie, Cockeye Mike, and Snake Hip Nellie– show little interest in letting David practice; instead, they take advantage of his family’s hospitality, playing pool for free and delighting in a never-ending buffet of sandwiches and coffee. More attention is given to the composition of the sandwiches (e.g., “cheese on rye with mustard, not so much lettuce”) than to the mechanics of the billiards game.

Tensions start to run high among Uncle David’s family members who feel their magnanimity is being exploited, especially when some of the teachers start using the Goldberg’s phone to place horse racing bets. When Jake finally ejects Uncle David’s friends from his house, David goes down to the pool hall to make amends, only to unwittingly get ensnared in a raid. The judge releases David, calling him the “dupe of unsavory characters” and the product of a poor upbringing.

To show all is not lost, and to prove that Molly is hardly just a naïve sandwich-maker, the episode ends with Molly and David playing a game of pool. Like a pro, Molly announces her shot will “kiss the four ball off the nine and into the side pocket.” It’s a combination designed to impress, though discerning audiences will wonder why there is no sound of a ball falling in the pocket.

The Goldbergs may have had little impact on the future of billiards, but there is no question that Gertrude Berg was a true trailblazer.  Her inspiring comedic style earned her the first Best Actress Emmy in 1951, and laid the groundwork for future comedians, such as Lucille Ball, as well as the domestic family sitcom genre, creating a blueprint for subsequent shows like Leave It to Beaver and Father Knows Best.

Until very recently, “Bad Companions” was available to watch on Jewish Life Television (JLTV), the network founded in 2007 to promote Jewish-themed programming.

[1]      “Jewish Film: The Goldbergs,” by Matthue Roth.

[i]       While it’s hard to argue that “Boston Shorty” Morton Goldberg had an “indelible” influence on billiards, I’d be remiss if I did not give him a special shoutout. Boston Shorty was 40 years old when “Bad Companions” aired. By that time, he had already defeated legends such as Willie Mosconi, Ralph Greenley, Irving Crane, and Jimmie Caras. And, no, The Goldbergs was not named after Boston Shorty.

[ii]       The Goldbergs should not be confused with the currently-running, identically-named ABC sitcom The Goldbergs.

Break

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For more than two years leading up to its release, Break, the directorial debut from British actor Michael Elkin, has been summarily described as “Rocky with a snooker cue.”

Break promotional poster for movieThat’s a bold pronouncement. The original Rocky, filmed in 1976, won Best Picture and Best Director, and earned its lead, Sylvester Stallone, a Best Actor nomination. The movie spawned five sequels, plus two spin-off Creed sequels. In total, the film series has grossed more than $1.7 billion dollars worldwide, an amount that will only grow if the anticipated Creed III and untitled Rocky ‘epilogue film’ become realities.

While the success and achievements of Rocky may be a tad out of reach for Break, the comparison does serve some purpose. Rocky captivated audiences by telling the story of Rocky Balboa, a small-time, washed out, boxer who is given a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to prove his worth, aided by the romantic love of a woman and the hard-knocks love of a gym trainer.

Similarly, in Break, Spencer Pryde (Sam Gittins), is an inner city London delinquent who wastes his life drug-dealing and committing petty crimes. He also happens to be a snooker prodigy, who could hit centuries by the age of thirteen. But, those skills, which might offer him a path out of his bleak existence, are squandered until the intervention of an absentee father (Luke Mably), a former professional snooker player (David Yip), and a budding romantic interest (Sophie Stevens). Collectively, they provide him with the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to make a clean “break.”

Break promotional poster for movieAs other reviewers have noted, this “tale of the underdog defying the odds” is well-worn on the silver screen – and not just in Rocky.[1] This Sporting Life and When Saturday Comes are better-known films that trace the evolution of a hot-tempered yobbo whose athletic prowess ultimately allows him to overcome social obstacles and inner demons.

In other words, Break is pretty clichéd, though that doesn’t mean it’s not an entertaining 107 minutes. The acting is solid and earnest; the script maintains its momentum to its formulaic culmination at the Beijing snooker championship; and it’s impossible not to enjoy Rutger Hauer, in his final role, owning his small amount of screen time as the local crime overlord.

It’s also hard not to appreciate the decade-long trek it took to bring Break to the silver screen or the gritty, entrepreneurial efforts to release the film in the middle of a pandemic. The filmmakers ultimately opted to showcase the movie this past July at the Brent Cross Drive-In Club in northwest London, breaking ground as the first film to premiere during the UK’s lockdown.

Break promotional poster for movieHowever, back to that troubling tagline…

Rocky is an incredible story, a heartfelt drama, a pugilist fable, a contrast in characters. And, it is also an exhilarating, emotionally wrenching boxing film. The movie loves boxing, and audiences, in turn, fell in love with boxing, from the famous training sequences to the knock-‘em-sock-‘em finale.

Even professional boxers love Rocky. Watching Rocky II with film critic Roger Ebert, Muhammad Ali declared, “A great movie…a big hit. It has all the ingredients. Love, violence, emotion. The excitement never dulled.”  Commenting further on Rocky’s nemesis, Ali said, “Apollo Creed, the way he dances, the way he jabs, the way he talks…That’s me.”[2]

In comparison, Break never really shows any connection to snooker. The audience is asked to trust that Spencer is a snooker wunderkind, but we never see or feel this innate ability that resides under his anger. Qiang is his assigned trainer, but the relationship feels forced. It has none of the genuine emotion that made Burgess Meredith’s performance as Mickey so heartfelt in Rocky.  Snooker really only becomes central to the movie in the final championship, and by then it’s too late.

Break promotional poster for movieIn a 2018 interview with me, Elkin shared that he was aware that too little snooker and the film loses its authenticity and narrative thread; too much snooker and moviegoers will grow restless with the slow pace.

In an attempt to straddle that line, Elkin injects a number of authentic elements into Break, such as filming at the Crucible in Sheffield, home to the World Snooker Championship since 1977, and enabling cameos by some famous snooker players, including Liang Wenbo, Jack Lisowski, and Ken Doherty.

But, a famous venue and a couple blink-or-you’ll-miss-them cameos, does not make for a compelling snooker film. Break may be about Spencer with snooker cue, but for snooker fans, the wait continues until we get our Rocky.

Break is available to watch on Amazon. You can watch the trailer here.

[1]      http://echochamber.online/2020/08/06/breaking-good-underdog-story-forms-a-disorderly-cue/

[2]      https://www.rogerebert.com/interviews/watching-rocky-ii-with-muhammad-ali