I remember the first time I saw Bob Clark’s 1982 movie Porky’s.  It felt like I was engaging in something forbidden, much like the oversexed high-schoolers do as they look through the peephole into the girls’ shower.

Looking at the poster of the 2006 billiards movie Kisses & Caroms (also known as American Pool), I assumed I would experience a similar feeling.  The movie’s titillating (pun intended) poster, featuring a woman’s private parts covered by a perfect rack (pun intended?), reminded me of the Black Crows’ Amorica album cover.  Like Porky’s, this movie screamed devilish and naughty in an R-rated, tongue-and-cheek manner.

And for the first 5 minutes, I thought this might just be the Porky’s of Pool.  Zack, the slightly dim-witted owner of Breakingtime Billiards, a pool table and gameroom supply store, awakens in a ménage a trois arranged by his girlfriend (Jennifer) and her able-bodied close friend (Tara).  I thought, “Well, it lacks the prankish humor and build-up of Porky’s, but this could be interesting…”

But, the humor never surfaced, the sexual action never continued, and, still worse, the billiards never materialized.  Instead, we’re left with a contrived story about a pathetic guy who can’t make up his mind about his ex-girlfriend relationship, and as a result, channels his annoyance into progressively more hostile conversations with his store’s annoying patrons, including the “Chalk Guy” and the “Naked White Guy.”  Shot on a budget of $11,000, the movie aspires to be Clerks in a pool supply store, but the dialogue is stilted and uninteresting, making me wonder if Clerks director Kevin Smith really said the film was “a sexy little day-in-the-lifer.”

There is some intermittent billiards playing on the store table, but it’s clear none of the actors have used a cue stick.  And, there’s one random sequence in which Tara (played by Playboy bombshell Nicole Rayburn), who we learn is not just a willing threesome participant but also a local pool star, hustles some yokels in a neighboring bar, but it’s a pointless scene meant only to further highlight Tara’s sex appeal.  But, this woman has nothing on billiards’ true beauties, the Rack Starz.

In summary, the movie has all the right influences, but when it came time to execute, Kisses & Caroms is one big table scratch.  It is widely available to buy or rent as DVD or online.