In 1855, when Napoleon III wanted to thank Russia for the coronation of Tsar Alexander II, he sent them an ornate billiards table as a gift.

At the age of 52, having completed the writing of Great Expectations three years earlier, Charles Dickens requested delivery of a Thurston snooker table to his estate as a gift in time for Christmas.

Fast-forward 150 years, and celebrities are still giving/getting pool tables as gifts, such as when Justin Bieber turned 18 and shared that the best birthday gift he received was an amazing, purple pool table. Or, when Kristen Stewart celebrated the 27th birthday of her then-boyfriend Robert Pattison by buying him a custom-made snooker table. 

In television and film, this trend also rings true; pool table gift-giving has been a periodic source of amusement, from The Honeymooners (“Opportunity Knocks”) to The Brady Bunch (“The Hustler”). To this micro-genre, I now submit the likely unfamiliar Hazel episode, “Hazel’s Free Enterprise,” and Gary Unmarried episode, “Gary Gets His Stuff Back.”

Hazel

Premiering in 1961, Hazel was an American sitcom about a spunky, take-charge, live-in maid named Hazel Burke (played by Shirley Booth, who received two Emmy awards for the portrayal) and her employers, the Baxters.  

In March 1966, toward the end of the series’ five-season run, CBS aired the episode “Hazel’s Free Enterprise.” Hazel’s employer, Barbara Baxter, is determined to surprise her husband Steve with a pool table for his birthday. She locates a table, normally priced at $900, that is selling for $250. Unwilling to pass up such a bargain, she puts down $50, which is all the money she has. That leaves Barbara, and the ever-resourceful Hazel, needing a plan to raise the remaining $200. Their solution is to launch Aunt Hazel’s Chili Sauce at a popular grocery chain. Much culinary confusion ensues, but – spoiler alert – they do raise the money and surprise the wondrously happy hubby with the table.

The husband, along with next door neighbor Fred Williams, can’t wait to play a friendly game of pool, with stakes of ten cents per pocketed ball. While Barbara admits she doesn’t “know a thing about pool,” Hazel accepts the gentlemen’s invitation to join the game. They then lay heavy into the mansplaining, demonstrating to Hazel how to aim and chalk a cue, while also whispering they’ve found a real “pigeon” in Hazel.  But Hazel is no patsy. She then asks the kids to fetch her cue stick and, after quickly pocketing a couple of balls, tells the sheepish men, “Heard of Minnesota Fats? We’ll I’m known as Hazel the Blitz.” 

Of course, the trope of men underestimating women in billiards is about as common as the trope of gift-giving billiards tables. Other series that rolled out a similar storyline include All in the Family (“Archie is Cursed,” 1973) and Love, American Style (“Love and the Hustler,” 1969).

The full episode is available to watch for free on DailyMotion.

Gary Unmarried

Saturday Night Live alum Jay Mohr, long past the glory days of Jerry Maguire, Picture Perfect, and Suicide Kings, fronted the little-watched CBS sitcom Gary Unmarried from 2008 to 2010. The series focused on the life of Gary Brooks (Mohr) and begins three months after he and his ex-wife, Allison Brooks (Paula Marshall), officially divorce. Their acrimonious relationship is intermittently salvaged by affectionate makeup sessions and reminiscing of occasional good times.

At the center of the first-season, 2008 episode, “Gary Gets His Stuff Back,” is a pool table, which Gary gave to his ex-wife Allison as a paper anniversary gift, though he insists it was never really hers. He refers to the table as his “basement wife.” He professes, “This is my pool table…she’s perfect, I love her.” And, he laments, “[Allison] doesn’t deserve that table, she doesn’t respect the game, she calls the rack that triangle thing.”

When Allison refuses to cede the table, Gary initially threatens to blackmail her with the release of racy photos, and then attempts to burglarize her house and steal the table. Both plans fail miserably, though there is a silver lining, as both characters divulge that the true reason they want the table is because of all the good memories associated with it. In the end, Gary concedes and tells his ex, “You keep the table. It’s worth it to me to know you have something in the house that reminds you of me in a good way.” 

No pool tables were harmed in the filming of this episode, and sadly, no billiards was actually played.

The episode is available to watch on YouTube.

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