Category Archives: Billiards Movies

The Billiards movies category is about movies that prominently feature billiards or that have plots focusing on billiards.

Walkaway Joe

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It’s not just Joe who should walk away.  It’s anyone who had reasonable hopes that the pairing of estimable actors Jeffrey Dean Morgan and David Strathairn in Tom Wright’s directorial debut Walkaway Joe would make for decent, sheltered-in-place entertainment.  Unfortunately, the movie, which released on Amazon Prime earlier this month, is pretty insipid viewing. And that’s without even mentioning the billiards (more on that later).

The movie focuses on 14-year-old Dallas McCarthy (Julian Feder) who leaves home to go looking for his deadbeat, pool-hustling father Cal (Mr. Morgan).  In the search to find dad, he befriends Joe Haley (Mr. Strathairn), a loner who wanders the Louisiana highways in his Fleetwood Flair RV with his own estranged family issues haunting him.

The potential was all there: New Orleans, nine-ball, and Negan (the murderous leader of the Saviors most famously portrayed by Mr. Morgan on The Walking Dead).  With those kind of ingredients, why did Walkaway Joe stumble so badly? Let me count the ways.

First, it’s always a gamble when a movie centers on a child because you damn sure better cast the right actor. Alas, the 16-year old Mr. Feder is too inexperienced and unconvincing. He lacks the heft necessary to carry the film and portray the emotionally-wounded runaway.

Second, Michael Milillo’s script is banal and familiar, treading like a worn-out tire. I rarely quote other reviewers, but I fully agree with Christy Lemire, who writes for RogerEbert.com.  She said, “This is an overly familiar story of fathers and sons, of cycles of abandonment and years of pent-up resentments, without any fresh insight.”

Third, as someone who has spent many years living in New Orleans, I was hopeful the movie would have more of a local flavor, something akin to billiards films like The Baltimore Bullet or the still-in-production Ride the 9. But, aside from the occasional Purple Haze Abita beer sign, there is nothing about the setting that feels unique or interesting.

What’s worse is that for those familiar with the geography, Walkaway Joe introduces some ridiculous plot holes. For example, Julian and Joe appear to spend an entire day driving on the road, traveling from Fatty’s in Baton Rouge to Lacy’s Cue Sports Bar in New Orleans.  But that stretch on I-10 East is all of 80 miles.  They could have walked the distance faster.

Finally, there is the billiards, which from the movie’s poster to the opening scene to the final nine-ball tournament features prominently enough that I definitely qualify Walkaway Joe as a “billiards movie.” But, three minutes into the opening scene, my billiards queasiness was already setting in.  Julian provides an off-screen voice-over in which he describes the game, “There are all sorts of ways to hit a cue ball…but it’s where you send the cue ball next that separates you from the others.”  Really? That’s the sort of insight I expect from a Saturday morning special.

Mr. Morgan’s follow-up, narrated while he hustles someone out of a few dollars, is equally cringe worthy, “Nine-ball is succession pool…you knock them down in order.  It takes skill. More important, it takes foresight.  9-ball: the sport of kings.”

There is some playing that occurs early on, with a few nice shots, but largely the story is leading up to the 12th Annual 9-ball Open at Lacy’s. Father and son, having failed to reconcile their differences, now compete for the winner-takes-all $10,000 pot.

Mr. Morgan seems comfortable with a cue stick.  We know from a season seven Walking Dead episode, it’s not his first time at the table. (In fact, he tweeted in April that his pool skills on display were attributable to “some misspent youth finally pay[ing] off.”)  Mr. Feder, maybe less so, but credit to his coach, Louisiana local Joey Aguzin, for getting him to a reasonable level.  As Mr. Feder shared recently:

After I got the part I started training with a coach in LA and purchased a pool table so I could practice. I would play multiple hours at a time. When I went to Louisiana for preproduction, I started coaching with Joey Aguzin the pool consultant for the movie. People don’t realize how much physical and mentally demanding pool is. It’s really an incredible sport. The cool thing about all the training is I was able to do all my own shots for the film.[1]

The tournament play includes the usual montage of some movie-friendly trick shots coupled with the rapid-fire pocketing of balls, and of course, a shooting the 9-ball on the break for an instant win.  But, the final dad-versus-son game bordered on the ridiculous. The cue ball control, so lauded in the opening scene, was severely lacking, as what should have been a simple run culminated with a much higher risk bank shot for the win.

Lest my criticism be completely one-sided, I will add that Mr. Strathairn, an Oscar-nominated (Good Night, and Good Luck) and Emmy-winning (Temple Grandin) actor, can breathe life into any character and is a general joy to watch on screen.

And, the billiards scenes in Walkaway Joe, while lacking realism, did highlight the sport’s appeal and the crowd’s admiration for a well-played game.  As JB Cases posted on the AZ Billiards Forum:

I am happy for any showcasing of pool that has any small potential for causing anyone to want to start playing. Yes this shows the seedier aspects, badly, but it does also show the tournament side and admiration of a crowd for well played pool. It shows that a person can make good money playing in a tournament vs. hustling in dangerous situations. Even if that lesson was not explicit I still liked redemption through excellence message.

[1]      “Interview with Walkaway Joe star Julian Feder,” Fansided, May 19, 2020.

Klassik

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Six years ago, when I first started compiling my list of every billiards-themed movie, TV episode, and short film with the goal of reviewing each one, I knew I had a problem when I came across the 1998 Russian movie, Klassik. Unlike many foreign films which are released with English subtitles, this film was entirely in Russian. There was no translation, no cheap dubbing, and I had no bilingual compatriot to paraphrase the movie as I watched.  As they say in Russian, I was povezlo.

What’s worse, but no surprise, is that as my list grew, so too did the number of unwatchable movies. For every Io, Chiara e lo scuro that I could locate with subtitles (The Pool Hustlers in Italian), I was thwarted by a copy of Pakners in its native Filipino, or O Jogo Da Vida in Portuguese.

Fortunately, the past decade has experienced numerous improvements in speech-to-text recognition, the interdisciplinary field combining computer science and linguistics.  And, these improvements are at our fingertips within YouTube, where 500 hours of video are uploaded every minute and now available in more than 50 languages, from Afrikaans to Zulu.  As my technically savvier brother shared with me, the process is as easy as:

  1. Find the video on YouTube
  2. Turn on subtitles/closed captions
  3. Go to Settings, select auto-translate, and select your preferred language.

Voila!  (That’s really it?? Yes.) Suddenly, the once inaccessible Klassik, the crown jewel of Russian billiards films, can now be watched. The full movie is available here.

https://youtu.be/4nCGOohV9Gc

Or so I thought.

Alas, the speech translation leaves much to the imagination, as it seems to be entirely literal, unable to make sense of phrases, colloquialisms, and grammatical variance. What’s worse, the translation does not differentiate among speakers, so a typical conversation (at 03:20) reads like, “Is it worth it? Wait for rich answer. For such grandmothers of all the old goats with my own hands peremushu mind no need to be finish yourself someday.”

As such, my ability to review Klassik was severely hamstrung, and I suspect I followed less than 20% of the movie. The lack of online reviews didn’t help. My best guess is that the film starts with the decision of Savitsky, a regional authority, who backs out of an agreement to financially honor the old guard of Russian billiards. This decision must be punished, so certain Russian mafia set up an elaborate hustle in which Savitsky ends up wagering a large sum of money to compete against Gorsky, a writer, who also happens to be an excellent billiards player. Gorsky get injured, preventing him from competing, so his ally Yura takes his place. There is something going on where the billiards table is illegally wired to allow Gorsky to manipulate the balls remotely, but in the final match, that proves unnecessary, I guess.

Klassik took me three sittings to complete, and that’s only partially attributable to the translation issues. The 101-minute film moved at a glacial pace, culminating in an uninteresting billiards battle that lasted all of 60 seconds. The final scene, in which a member of the Russian billiards old guard steadies his arthritic hand in front of a crowd of onlookers just long enough to make a highly technical three ball trick shot, is far more satisfying.

While the movie proved to be a bust, Klassik is noteworthy for advancing my billiards education by focusing on the billiards variant known as Russian pyramid, a form of pocket billiards played on a modified snooker table with narrower pockets. According to Wikipedia, “All games begin with fifteen numbered white balls racked in a pyramid pack. Players may pocket any object balls on the table regardless of number. The first player to pocket eight or more balls wins the frame. In addition, shots do not have to be called.”  The challenge is that the corner pockets are only 3 mm (approx. ​3⁄16 in) wider than the diameter of the ball, so tremendous precision is required.  In Klassik, I believe they are playing free pyramid rules, in which “any ball may be used as the cue ball. Players can pocket the ball they struck if it hits another ball first, with the goal being to carom the struck ball off of one or more other balls into a pocket.”

So, what movie should I attempt next with speech-to-text translation?  Perhaps, Karambolage (German)? Or maybe, El Embustero (Spanish)?  Oh, who am I kidding…Walkaway Joe just dropped on Amazon yesterday.  Time to see how Jeffrey Dean Morgan does with a pool cue.

HeartBreak

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In an interview last year, “Coach” Wayne Catledge, the Executive Producer of the new 2019 billiards film HeartBreak, told me he set out to create a movie that was about “hope and inspiration.” On that note, he certainly succeeded.

Intentionally eschewing many of the familiar billiards movie tropes such as hustlers, bar room brawls, and never-in-real-life trick shots, HeartBreak instead focuses on billiards as both a path to redemption and as a come-from-behind underdog story.  The fact that the movie is highly predictable, and feels like a mash-up of other well-known movies (though not necessarily about billiards), does not detract from the joy of watching it.  And, for once, the attention to the actual game of pool feels authentic, even if the lead character’s rapid rise from behind does not.

The movie centers on two characters – Harry Platt (Brett Rice) and Mina Li (Jane Park Smith) – who have been brought together by a game of pool.  As we quickly learn, both have had their share of hearts broken.  Harry is a Vietnam vet and former billiards pro, who passes the time getting lights-out drunk and blaming himself for a failed marriage and a daughter doing jail time. Mina is a divorced, Korean up-and-coming billiards player, who does not have the means to take care of her autistic son, so comes to the US hoping to become the #1 women’s player (?!) and achieve enough winnings to return a proud and capable mother.

Early in the film, Harry gets introduced to Mina, who is seeking a billiards coach to help her achieve stardom and riches on the baize. While she’s got a strong break, Mina lacks discipline and the necessary technical skill to succeed on the tournament circuit. But, Harry’s initial tutelage, which consists of constricting Mina in a weightlifting harness (to minimize her shoulder movement) and berating Mina to mindlessly follow his three-part mantra– (1) See the pattern; (2) Nobody here but me; and (3) My favorite shot; – doesn’t have the intended impact.

Things go from bad to worse when Harry nearly kills himself drinking and Mina misinterprets Harry’s stares and words that she will need to “earn her keep” and demeaningly offers herself naked in exchange for his continued instruction. But, like all story arcs that hit rock-bottom, the down-on-their-luck duo eventually rebound. A sober and more accommodating Harry allows Mina to find her groove and start dramatically improving her game.

HeartBreak culminates (of course!) with Mina entering the Southeast Women’s 9-Ball Tour, which features cameos from professional billiards players Dawn Hopkins and Shanelle Lorraine, as well as BCA Hall of Famer Ewa “The Striking Viking” Laurance as the champion-to-beat.  (It’s a role that instantly reminds genre fans of Jimmy “The Whirlwind” White in the 1991 snooker film Legend of the Dragon.)

As both Coach Catledge and Brett Rice are seasoned pool players, it’s no surprise the film gets the sport’s details right.  The billiards sequences focus on the fundamentals and position play rather than making high-risk cuts and low probability banks.  Practice and routines are emphasized, not flash and tricks. It’s also a nice touch when Harry honors Mina with a Nitti cue, rather than a more movie-friendly cue, such as a Balabushka (cf. The Color of Money).

Sure, the final match feels about as absurd as Daniel LaRusso crane kicking Cobra Kai Johnny Lawrence for victory in The Karate Kid, but given all the sadness HeartBreak’s two protagonists endure, I’m okay with a little billiards make-believe.

A Magic Stick

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A Magic Stick At the end of 2016, with seemingly no PR or marketing, mainland China officially released its first feature-length billiards movie with the airing of A Magic Stick (also known as One God Stick or in Chinese as Gēn shén gùn).[1] It’s a blessing to the country that the movie was met with complete silence, as there is next to nothing enjoyable or redeemable about this film. To say it’s a painful 71 minutes would be an understatement.

In the film, Guo Daxing is “The Billiard King,” a brash, cocky, libidinous, Bermuda-shorts wearing billiards prodigy, who is accompanied by a bevy of scantily-clad women that wait on his every word and movement. He is hesitant to risk his throne, though he also has special pool super-powers (??!) that enable him to manipulate the path of the balls. So, that’s kinda unfair, I guess.  And he brushes his teeth while his opponents take their shots, which is just plain rude.

His manager, Wu Yingxiong, has grand ambitions for the King, but the King treats him like a scorned puppy. Humiliated, Wu tricks the King into having a match with up-and-coming Zhou Bin, to whom he loses in a fluke match. This makes Zhou the new King. Guo, stripped of his title, is promptly tossed curbside, ejected from his mansion.

What could have been a mildly amusing down-on-his-luck, redemption story, however, descends into utter idiocy, as Guo tries to reclaim his title.  Helping him, sort of, is Miss Xinlan, the leader of the 3S Lady gang, who has her own reasons for trying to dispose of Wu and Zhou.  (She also tried to kill Guo earlier in the film, but that didn’t go anywhere.) Miss Xinlan is aided by her second-in-command, Teresa, a formidable billiards player, who initiates a game with Guo and then…disappears from the film.

There is also Master Huang, a retired gang leader, who is threatened by the ascendancy of the Wu/Zhou reign, but is narcoleptic, so keeps falling asleep during his moments of inspired rage.  Other characters that have the comic effect of stepping in dog shit include a blind monk, who referees the pool matches, and a salivating mermaid, who – I think – also runs some kind of an auto dealership.

I’ll be the first to admit there may be a cultural barrier too high for this Western viewer to overcome. The movie seems to be an example of mo lei tau, a type of slapstick humor popularized in late 20th century Hong Kong popular culture that includes “nonsensical parodies, juxtaposition of contrasts, sudden surprises in spoken dialogue and action and improbable and deliberate anachronisms.” A Magic Stick also makes early reference to the Chinese actor and director Stephen Chow (perhaps best known to US viewers for Kung Fu Hustle; Shaolin Soccer; and The Mermaid; as well as the billiards movie Legend of the Dragon), who helped popularize this form of movie-making.

With the story, characters, antics, and dialogue leaving me scratching my head, I was hopeful that the actual billiards sequences would compensate.  The opening credits even include a quasi-commercial for Ozone Billiards, which piqued my curiosity that Florian “Venom” Kohler would make a cameo or serve as a behind-the-scenes technical advisor. No such luck, as far as I can tell. As a result, there too, the movie failed miserably.  The pool-playing is unimaginative and often inaccurate. Little respect is given to the sport.

In the final game-winning shot, two flying kicks from opposite directions dislodge the 8-ball that had been stuck in Wuo’s mouth, causing him to vomit the ball into the pocket beneath him.

Yep, that pretty much sums up how I felt watching A Magic Stick start to finish.

[1]       This excludes Hong Kong, which has produced multiple billiards movies, including Legend of the Dragon and Equals Against Devils, as well as Taiwan, which released Second Chance.

Break (in production)

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Michael Elkin BreakLess than two weeks ago, billiards movie enthusiasts, such as myself, started geeking out, agog over the announcement that Rutger Hauer was going to star in the upcoming snooker film Break. Mr. Hauer had been cast to play an old-time gangster, but for fans of his oeuvre, and especially those who still memorialize him as Roy Batty from Blade Runner, the specifics of the role in Break were irrelevant. It was simply the fact that he would be returning to the silver screen – and in a billiards movie, no less.  Because let’s face it, the recent entrants into the billiards movie genre (e.g., 9-Ball, Massé, HeartBreak) have not exactly been overflowing with megawatt stars.

According to a recent article in Variety, Break is about Spencer Pryde (played by Sam Gittins), a talented kid snooker player from a rough neighborhood who is dragged into crime. A chance encounter with a Chinese billiards champion (presumably played by China’s currently number two ranked snooker player Liang Wenbo) gives Spencer a chance to turn his life around and escape his tough surroundings. Like many other billiards films (e.g., The Color of Money, Kiss Shot, The Baron and the Kid), the movie ends with a climactic billiards match, in this case, the World Snooker Championship filmed at Sheffield’s Crucible Theatre, the true home to professional snooker.

While Mr. Hauer’s casting is news, there has been buzz about Break for years.  In January, 2016, I had the opportunity to interview director and writer Michael Elkin about his forthcoming movie, which at that time, was quite early in its conception.  (Production is now underway with filming scheduled to occur in Beijing and London.)

Mr. Elkin shared with me his reasons for making Break:

I grew up on a council estate in West Norwood, South London and…we had several snooker halls in neighboring areas, such as Brixton, Crystal Palace and Tulse Hill. As a kid, I would often skip school and spend the day in one of them with a pal.

I am now 43 years old and sadly [those] snooker halls are all gone. Many were closed after complaints from local residents about late night drinking, drug dealing, fights and in Norwood’s case, a fatal shooting.

I first started writing Break in January of 2010 after reminiscing with a pal [about] one of the young guys there being a very good player, but he wasn’t interested in pursuing it. We wondered whatever happened to him and the seed was planted.

I started to think, what if this kid had wanted to make it, but was in to something he couldn’t get out of, or maybe he didn’t want to. Maybe he preferred the idea of being a crook, a bad guy. The idea, literally started with an image I had of a young guy in a smoky, dimly lit snooker/pool hall, brandishing a broken cue as a weapon.

I sat down and drew a picture of a kid in a hooded top, standing behind a table ready to strike anybody that came near him with the butt-end of a snooker cue. I stared at the picture a while, cogs whirring and decided on the idea of this troubled kid with a talent, but very little else in the way of guidance.

What this kid needed was a Break…I wrote the first draft in about two months, but wasn’t happy with it, so put it in a drawer and forgot about it for years. Recently I took it out of the drawer, gave it a polish and thought, okay this is pretty good now. Let’s do it.

Like many filmmakers who choose to make billiards central to their stories, Mr. Elkin was aware that too little snooker and the film loses its authenticity and narrative thread; too much snooker and moviegoers will grow restless with the slow pace.

Michael Elkin BreakRecent news developments, coupled with Mr. Elkin’s comments to me, indicate he intends to balance this deftly.

The movie’s realism is informed not only by the collaboration with the World Snooker Association, and the filming at Sheffield’s but also the casting of global snooker pros such as China’s Mr. Wenbo, Ireland’s Ken Doherty, and Britain’s Jack Lisowski. Mr. Elkin intends to focus especially on “a variation of pots such as doubles, long pots and plants rather than the cue ball being stuck behind the brown whilst a player deliberates how to get out of it. Clever shots mostly.”

But, at the same time, Mr. Elkin explains, “Although I love to watch [snooker], I am aware that film fans are not settling in to watch a snooker game. Break is an urban drama where snooker just happens to be our protagonists’ way out of a bad situation.  That said, there is of course plenty of snooker action to satisfy fans, but also enough drama to make it a film. Think ‘Rocky with a snooker cue’.”

Massé

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In an interview with IndieWire, Christian Blauvelt, the Deputy Culture Editor for the BBC, talked about the guilt he felt, when he worked Hollywood.com, giving a zero out of five star review to Paul Schrader’s The Canyons.  He shared, “I feel guilty for hating The Canyons so much because Schrader himself is not only a filmmaking legend but a delightful human being… truly honest and giving.”[1]

MasseAs I finished watching Jay Taylor’s Massé, which is a terrible movie, Mr. Blauvelt’s sentiment resonated with me.  Though I have never met Mr. Taylor, I suspect he’s a good person who, along with his wife Courtney Shumway, the film’s script consultant, put his blood, sweat, and tears (and probably a decent amount of money) into making this film.

I’ve never made a film, so how can I so audaciously tear apart this man’s opus? I don’t for a moment believe I could do better. But, at the same time, I have an obligation to my readers to provide my honest thoughts.  Otherwise, I’m just a rubber-stamper, endorsing any film with baize, balls, and cue, simply because billiards is so starved for attention and mainstream recognition.

Mr. Taylor opted to name his film Massé because, like the famous trick shot in pool, his movie “has some twists and turns so [he] thought the idea of naming after a curve shot in pool appropriate.”[2] Alas, those twists and turns are just some of the many problems with the film. The characters are wooden, the acting is amateur, the scenes don’t effectively tell a story, and the billiards is largely irrelevant.

The story follows Jack Pappas (played by Johnny Alonso, who currently stars in Gotham as Kazz, bass player for the Penguin’s house band at Oswald’s Nightclub), who has had a troubled past.  He’s content to hustle pool for a living, but his life takes a turn when his ex-flame, Sara (Barb Myers) shows up.  His conflicting emotion leads to some anger-rich pool playing, an endlessly long sex scene, a ridiculous fight scene (including a cue ball to the head…take that, bad guy!), and a noir gun-shooting finale with bad special effects.

MasseBack to the billiards.  In an interview segment for Click On This Show, Mr. Alonso revealed that he “shot pool for 50 days…So I got pretty good. I got really good.  These boys (from APA) taught me a lot of stuff…some nights we were on set shooting until 2 in the morning.”

I don’t doubt that Mr. Alonso’s game improved significantly, but it’s a shame his newfound prowess didn’t translate to the screen.  There are two main pool scenes in Massé. Both exist to establish that Jack Pappas is a skilled player, whose go-to hustle involves his close friend Pete (Jonathon Ruckman).  But, the actual pool-playing lacks any excitement.  The shots are basic and the games are uninteresting. Moreover, they don’t advance the characters.  Other than establishing that Johnny is a risk taker, the hustling never goes anywhere. He might as well be throwing darts.

Mr. Taylor said, “Massé runs the gamut of emotions, from happiness to anger, fear to excitement, and lust to sadness.”   Unfortunately, he omitted boredom, perhaps the most prevalent emotion for this reviewer.

Massé premiered at the Charles Theatre in Baltimore on October 15, 2014.  The movie was produced by Bad Ferret Films, which no longer exists.  The billiards scenes were shot at Cobblestones Bar & Grill, which closed in 2017, in York, Pennsylvania.  The movie is available to rent or buy on Amazon.

[1]       “Critics pick the worst movies they’ve ever reviewed,” IndieWire, June 19, 2017.

[2]       “Interview with Director and Filmmaker Jay Taylor,” DC Metro, January 2, 2013.

Heartbreak

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Approximately 45 miles northwest of Orlando sits The Villages in Sumter County, Central Florida. The fast-growing city, a favorite among retirees, is home to the Old Mill Playhouse, which first opened its movie doors in 2004. And, on March 17, if you were among the 125,000 citizens of The Villages, or anyone lucky enough to be in the vicinity, you had the exclusive opportunity to go to the Playhouse and attend the world premiere of Heartbreak, the newest billiards movie to hit the silver screen.  Alas, the rest of us hapless ones — including myself — will need to wait until at least this summer to have a chance to see this film.

HeartbreakThe movie premiered with little fanfare.  There is a compelling trailer available here, and there is a summary available on IMDB from the film’s producer, Randy M. Dyer.  Heartbreak is “based on the life of a one-time award-winning professional billiard champion down on his luck who encounters a young Korean woman seeking to become the billiard champion to save her son’s life.  What ensues is an emotional and dramatic journey leading to a climactic event that will change their lives forever.”

Unable to learn much online, and frustrated by my own inability to make the trek from New York to Florida to see the premiere, I struck gold on Twitter when I successfully connected with, and subsequently interviewed, the movie’s two leading actors, Brett Rice and Jane Park Smith, and the Executive Producer (and former billiards pro and Pro Billiards Coach) “Coach” Wayne Catledge.

As it turns out, the seeds of Heartbreak have been germinating inside Mr. Catledge’s head for 10-12 years when he was first coaching female billiards players in Asia.  Observing the training regiments of billiards athletes like Kim Ga-young and Eunji Erica Park, Mr. Catledge considering producing a documentary about their approach to billiards and their work ethic.  Soon, that idea morphed into making a full-length movie.

Like many passion projects, Heartbreak had numerous starts and stops.  The script was the biggest challenge. “There were so many scripts that did not fit…that did not respect the industry. They were too focused on the “dark side [of billiards]…I wanted to prove billiards is an upstanding sport and not just [show] the underbelly…I was looking for hope and inspiration like in The Sound of Music,” said Mr. Catledge.

Heartbreak

Jane Park Smith as Mina Lee

According to Jane Park Smith, who plays the lead character Mina Lee, “billiards is such a vital part of the movie. Heartbreak shows billiards in a dynamic, redemptive, light.”  This required the perfect casting of actors, according to Mr. Catledge. And, given the amount of billiards in the movie, the actors needed to seem like real players.  (In fact, the actors perform every shot in the movie, except two.)

The decision to cast Brett Rice in the lead role as Harry Platt was an easy one. Mr. Rice, who has been playing pool for 50 years, elaborated, “I am a better pool player than I am an actor… My grandfather was a shark. We played one-pocket growing up. He taught me the game when I was 10 and told me if I ever beat him, I’d get a shot of bourbon.  Five years later, I finally took that shot.  I played all the time. I used to play in the Army. I even paid for my apartment through pool.”

For the casting of Mina Lee, Mr. Catledge knew Ms. Smith would be perfect, albeit she had never played pool.  “She was cast because of her martial arts and her long expanded fingers would make a great pool bridge. I knew I could train her.”

According to Ms. Smith, that instinct was well-founded: “I didn’t know how to hold a cue stick…I was a blank canvas.  [The training was intense.] If we weren’t shooting or resting, Coach had me do drills, bridges, stroke lining….All pool all the time, so much so that the first week, I would wake up in middle of night having dreams about making shots.  It turned out better than I could have imagined.”

Heartbreak

Ewa “The Striking Viking” Laurance

Adding to the authenticity of Heartbreak are cameos by some of the sports best-known female players. Ewa “The Striking Viking” Laurance has a key role because she is, according to Mr. Carledge, “a great ambassador of the game. [I] always loved her presence, how she handled herself.  She was all in.”  Dawn Hopkins and Shanelle Loraine also appear briefly.

As I’ve not yet seen the movie, I cannot yet comment on whether this trio achieved its goals and delivered a billiards movie that, at its core, is about “hope,” “redemption,” and “unity.”  However, even without yet seeing Heartbreak, I can attest to the passion for pool that is the connecting fiber of the film, as it pervaded each person’s interview response.  Nowhere is that passion more on display than in Mr. Carledge’s comments to attendees at the world premier:

Pool is a colorful world of dauntless personalities puzzling through an enthralling kaleidoscope of patterns.  You will face unpredictable facets of the game and wrestle with bold, nervy souls testing you in the crucible of solitude.  In such wrenching pressure where it is only you, without help from a teammate, can the greatest champions arise.  You and only you can achieve victory.  That is such a blessing for the elite, for victory seldom comes without much failure.

 Everyone has a unique story to tell and I truly love listening to the many colorful variances in the universals.  The grips, the stances, the strokes, the patterns, the breaks, the safeties, the preparation, the mantras, the drills, the diets, the cue, the cloth, the table, the rack, the bridge, the chalk, the powder, the gloves, the taper, the design, the joint, the shaft, the butt, the tip, the tip shape, the rails, the pockets, the balls, the slate, the diamonds, the lights, the air, etc. etc. etc., all lend tremendous variances in playing conditions before you ever face your opponent!  The odds are always stacked…

 And we haven’t even talked about gamesmanship or sharking.  What a colorful sport and treacherous discipline!

Bye Bye Baby

In theory, 85 minutes is not a significant amount of time.  After all, a typical day can be divided into almost 17 consecutive 85-minute blocks of time.

Bye Bye BabyYet, as I suffered through the 85-minute film Bye Bye Baby, I started to wonder about the power of that single chunk of time.  Unquestionably, I had ceded 85 minutes of my frenetic life for the higher purpose of ensuring the comprehensiveness of my billiards movie blog, but was the sacrifice worth it?  What else has been, or could have been, accomplished with the same amount of time?

Before entertaining that question, let’s focus on the film. Directed by Erico Oldoini, Bye Bye Baby was released in Italy in 1988 and a year later in the United States. The movie stars former supermodel Carol Alt and Luca Barbareschi respectively as Sandra and Paolo, a couple from Milan whose marital troubles lead them through a series of fights, divorce, affairs, betrayals, abandonments, trysts, some escapades on the Mauritius Islands, more fights, more betrayals, and a near fatal car accident.  Along the way, Sandra falls for a dreamy doctor, and Paolo gets involved with Lisa, a professional pool shark, played by Danish model Brigitte Nielsen.

Essentially, this movie is a vehicle for two ‘80s models, Ms. Alt and Ms. Nielsen, to act quasi-sexy, bend over pool tables, wear revealing swimsuits, and engage in B-rated lovemaking scenes that lack even the suggested nudity.  For Ms. Alt, who appeared on the cover of Sports Illustrated in 1982, and was on the cover of more than 500 magazines in the 1980s, Bye Bye Baby timed with her decision to start acting in European films around 1986.  For Ms. Nielsen, the timing was a less fortuitous. Having married Sylvester Stallone in 1985 and gained fame through her iconic tough-woman roles in Red Sonja, Rocky IV, and Cobra, by 1988 she was already divorced and starring in bottom-of-the-bucket films.

Bye Bye BabyBye Bye Baby did nothing to help these ladies’ careers. (In fact, the movie earned Ms. Nielsen a Razzie for Worst Actress in 1990.) The plot is hackneyed, the script is vapid, the acting is wooden, the attempts at humor are misguided, and the music, which includes tracks by Ms. Nielsen, is repetitive and misplaced. The critic for the Los Angeles Times said it well:

The plot is nothing more than an endless, deja vu -provoking cycle of cheating lovers; the profane and daringly banal dialogue seems almost wholly improvised…; and it seems designed as a sex comedy, though there’s not much sex and even less comedy. It might not be too egregious an example of crying “wolf” to warn at this point that Bye Bye Baby is just about as howlingly rotten as any movie ever made.[1]

But, hey, I’ve endured my share of lemons, since launching 8 Ball on the Silver Screen.  I can deal with low-budget cinema.  What I cannot tolerate is terrible on-screen billiards, and in this category, Ms. Nielsen is in a league unto herself.  Starring as a top-ranked player, who competes in a mix of regular billiards and the Italian game of 5-pins, Ms. Nielsen can barely hold a cue stick, never mind take a stroke. It is embarrassing watching her stumble her way through the various billiards sequences.  Even with the mediocre editing, and the occasional creative five-pins shot, it’s still painful viewing. (For a more engaging portrayal of 5-pins or the related game goriziana, check out the far more satisfying Italian movie The Pool Hustlers.)

Given this abomination of a film, one can appreciate the impetus for my original question about what else can be accomplished in 85 minutes.  It turns out a whole helluva lot.

Keeping with the cinematic milieu, a far better use of 85 minutes would be to watch Sam Raimi’s The Evil Dead (1981); the gut-busting mockumentary This Is Spinal Tap (1984); Gary Cooper in High Noon (1952); or Fruitvale Station (2013), the racially charged film by Ryan Coogler based on the real-life subway shooting of Oscar Grant. Or, if music is your thing, spend the 85 minutes listening to Arcade Fire’s album Reflektor.

History can, in fact, be made in 85 minutes.  In 1908, the Tigers lost the final fifth game of the World Series to the Cubs in a game that lasted 85 minutes. A leatherback turtle set the world record for a marine dive by holding its breath for 85 minutes.

So, whether it’s the amount of time it takes to make an LL Bean Boot[2], the amount of time one person needs to make seven kid-friendly freezer meals[3], or the amount of time a quintet of British rotary clubs spent preparing 12,000 meals as part of a Stop Hunger campaign,[4] the evidence is everywhere that the time could have been better spent.

Bye bye Bye Bye Baby.  I want my 85 minutes back.

[1]       http://articles.latimes.com/1989-05-29/entertainment/ca-797_1_bye-brigitte-nielsen-film-review

[2]       https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2015/10/llbean-duck-boot-labor-shoes-maine/410863/

[3]       http://newleafwellness.biz/2015/05/20/seven-kid-friendly-freezer-meals-in-85-minutes/

[4]       Rise Against Hunger

Hagiga B’Snuker

In the mid-1970s, the mood was not light in the State of Israel. With a population at the time of about 3.5 million people, the Middle Eastern nation, which is only a little larger than New Jersey, had gone through the Six-Day War (1967); the War of Attrition (1967-1970); a number of Palestinian attacks, including the massacre of 11 Israeli athletes at the 1972 Summer Olympics; and the highly violent Yom Kippur War (1973).

Hagiga B'SnukerConfronted by such hate and immersed in such carnage, perhaps it is not surprising that a group of Israeli filmmakers tried to inject some escapism and levity into the times with their introduction of Bourekas films, a genre of “comic melodramas or tearjerkers… based on ethnic stereotypes” that proved highly popular at the box office. [1] Included in this peculiar genre is Hagiga B’Snuker, the sole billiards movie to originate from Israel.

Also known as Snooker or Festival at the Poolroom, this 1975 film was directed by Boaz Davidson, one of the pioneers of Bourekas (and likely the creator of the term). Today, Mr. Davidson is better known as a prolific movie producer, with films ranging from Rambo to The Expendables, though he is also the director behind a streak of ‘80s sex comedies, such as The Last American Virgin, Hot Bubblegum, and Private Popsicle.

Hagiga B’Snuker is about two estranged twin brothers, Azriel, a shy and religious Jew who works in a village fruit store, and Gavriel, a hustler who operates in a pool hall called Moadon Snooker, where unsuspecting victims are roped by his friend Hannukah and then conned out their money. (Both brothers are played by Yehuda Barkan. Hannukah is played by Ze’ev Ravach.)

The act works well until Gavriel makes the mistake of hustling Mushon (Tuvia Tzafir), a nebbish dolt, who happens to be the son of Salvador (Joseph Shiloach), a mobster once known as the Israeli King of Snooker.

Fleeced by Gavriel of the money intended for his tooth replacement, which was to make him more attractive for his upcoming arranged nuptials, Mushon returns to the pool hall with his father, who pretends to be an easy snooker mark.  Hannukah and Gavriel approach him for a game of 3 Reds (essentially a faster version of snooker, with only three red balls instead of 15).[2]  Overly confident, they increase the bet to 60,000 Israeli lira, which equals about $10,000 US dollars (or $46,500 in 2017). But, the moment the bet is sealed, Salvador unlocks his briefcase, and begins to assemble his cue stick. Hannukah and Gavriel, mouth agape, stare incredulously, as Salvador subsequently pots every ball without missing, therefore winning the wager.

Hagiga B'SnukerHagiga B’Snuker then follows the duo’s foiled attempts, first to avoid paying the debt and then to secure the money.  Ultimately, with no options remaining, Gavriel is forced to renew contact with his brother, who could conceivably provide Gavriel with the money if they sell the family estate. But, their parents’ will specifies that the property can only be sold if Avriel is married.

More hijinks ensue, especially as Hannukah impersonates a rabbinical matchmaker and Gavriel pretends to be his twin brother in order to win the heart of, and marry, a local rabbi’s daughter, Yona (Nitza Shaul).  But, in a bizarre coincidence, Yona is also the bride-to-be for Salvador’s son Mushon.

[SPOILER ALERT!] At last, the only way Gavriel and Salvador can settle both the monetary debt and the competing love interest for Yona is, predictably, through another game of 3 Reds. Even this game, however, is compromised when Azriel accidentally shows up at the pool hall.  Seeing Azriel (and mistaking him for Gavriel), Salvador forces him to play the game. Azriel, never having played snooker, quizzically picks up the cue stick and, mistakenly using the butt of the stick, miraculously pots all the balls on one shot, thereby unknowingly winning the bet and the heart of Yona.

Though not an overly memorable film, Hagiga B’Snuker is nonetheless a welcome addition to the billiards movie canon because of it humorous setup, as well as its Israeli representation and portrayal of the game 3 Reds.

Hagiga B’Snuker is available to buy with English subtitles on DVD from the Israel Catalog.

[1]       “And Then There Was One,” Uri Klein, Harretz, 2008.

[2]       Thank you to my colleagues at Snooker Potcast for helping me to identify the 3 Reds variant of snooker.

Top 15 #FakeBilliardsMovie

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In honor of my 150th blog post, I must turn my attention to the less honorable, seldom discussed, near-underground genre of #FakeBilliardsMovie. Yes, these are the films that peddle in billiards imagery and idiom – pool tables, eight-balls, cue sticks, green baize – to lure in viewers, yet upon closer inspection, have little to nothing to do with the sport. The egregious members of this sinister club are movies that reveal a blatant disrespect for billiards, seizing upon the popular appeal of pool to bamboozle the unsuspecting cinephile.

#NotABilliardsMovieOn occasion, the storyline gives a fleeting nod to billiards, perhaps featuring a lone pool table as part of a billiards bar backdrop. Such is the case with Kevin Spacey’s 1996 directorial debut Albino Alligator, in which a New Orleans bar, pool table and all, provide the venue for a foiled robbery attempt.  But, far more often, the billiards is simply a siren’s call, a cinematic fool’s errand that leaves the viewer despondent and depressed.  To help rid Hollywood of this subterfuge, I present to you my meticulously researched list of the Top 15 #FakeBilliardsMovie movies, with each malefactor representing a decade of blog posts.  Let the countdown begin (and note that all summaries are courtesy of IMDB).

  1. #NotABilliardsMovieSignage. In 2007, Rick Hammerly directed this 12-minute short film in which a receding hairline, the beginning of crow’s feet and a chance encounter with a young deaf man force the protagonist to confront getting older in today’s youth-conscious world. The poster proclaims, “When life calls the last shot,” while showing the bottom left corner of a pool table, but the game is a ruse, largely irrelevant to the film. #FakeBilliardsMovie

 

  1. #NotABilliardsMovieDestiny Stalled. When I first saw the poster to this short film from 2000, I was so keen to watch it that I reached out to the director Susan Johnson because the movie was unobtainable online. Ms. Johnson kindly sent me a password to watch the movie on a private video hosting platform. It’s a touching film about the connection forged between a man and boy at a hospital. But whereas the poster would suggest that billiards is critical to their interplay, the irritating truth is that pool is a transitory thread. #FakeBilliardsMovie
  1. #NotABilliardsMovieAngels with Dirty Faces. Good versus evil. The priest versus the gangster. Father Connolly versus Rocky Sullivan in a fight over the fate of a group of ‘dead end kids.’  Michael Curtiz’ 1938 drama sizzled on the screen, with James Cagney starring in an Oscar-nominated role as the magnetic local crime boss. So, what’s with the pool hall as the fateful setting for the head-to-head confrontation? Yes, our gang of street urchins frequent a pool hall, but this poster is a cheap shot, ya dirty rat. #FakeBilliardsMovie
  1. #NotABilliardsMovieBehind the Eight Ball. At times compared to the Marx Brothers, the Ritz Brothers (Jimmy, Harry, and Al) were an American comedy team making movies since the early 1930s. But, in 1942, they crossed the line with the musical comedy Behind the Eight Ball, which had the members of a summer theater group getting mixed up with spies and murder. The film featured a bullet-shooting clarinet, but the poster was cue stick crookery. #FakeBilliardsMovie

 

  1. #NotABilliardsMovie#NotABilliardsMovie8-Ball and 8-Ball. Given the plethora of authentic billiards movies unoriginally named “8-Ball,” it’s borderline criminal that these two foreign films felt compelled to exploit the popular term for no reason remotely related to the sport. The 2013 Finnish film, originally titled 8-Pallo, is about a single mother who, having just been released from prison, is trying to start her life anew. And the 2012 short film from Argentina is about about a man having a personal crisis who seeks solitude in a park, when a passing stranger named 8-Ball takes an unwelcome interest in him. Really? Couldn’t the stranger have been named Agapito or Hecmir? #FakeBilliardsMovie
  1. #NotABilliardsMovieBelle Speranze. Visual skullduggery hit a new nadir when director Mike Leigh’s 1988 film High Hopes was released at the Venice Film Festival as Belle Speranze. Somehow, this “slice-of-life look at a sweet working class couple in London, Shirley and Cyril, his mother, who’s aging quickly and becoming forgetful, mum’s ghastly upper-middle-class neighbors, and Cyril’s pretention sister and philandering husband” became about playing billiards in dimly-lit pub halls. As boring as the American movie poster is for this film, at least it’s honest. #FakeBilliardsMovie

 

  1. #NotABilliardsMovieBehind the 8 Ball (series). Also known as the So You Want… series, this collection of 63 black-and-white live action short films, released between 1942 and 1956, all starred Joe McDoakes as the protagonist. Each film humorously addressed an everyday problem (e.g., So You Want to be in Politics; So Your Wife Wants to Work; So You Want to be a Cowboy). But, no mirth could be found in the prominence of the large 8-ball that features repeatedly in the opening credits of each short. #FakeBilliardsMovie
  1. #NotABilliardsMovieQuarterlifers. Adam Fortner directed this 2011 drama about “four lifelong friends who are each struggling to learn what’s important in their lives through crazy, heart-warming, and hilarious situations.” OK, I guess with a plotline that insipid, I too might opt to bait a larger audience by featuring pool in the movie poster.  At least one of the four amigos buys a local billiards bar and tries to operate it.  It’s a start. #FakeBilliardsMovie
  1. #NotABilliardsMovieBlue Velvet. As much as I enjoyed David Lynch’s discomforting 1984 film, I’m disturbed that the movie’s Italian poster, illustrated by prolific movie poster designer (i.e., 3000+ movie posters) Enzo Sciotti, not only references a rape scene that does not exist in the film (although it is rumored the scene was shot), but trades on the visual iconography of the pool table (which is used in the movie when Frank beats a man senseless on the table while topless girls surround him) to create one of the most repugnant billiards images in cinema. And – again – the scene never even happened! #FakeBilliardsMovie
  1. #NotABilliardsMovieCarambolages. This 1963 French film from director Marcel Bluwal translates to “carom shots.” As if the cue stick in the top left corner was not sufficiently specious, then certainly the title’s translation into one of the most common strokes in billiards is an act of lexical jugglery, for this comédie noire is about climbing the corporate ladder, not banking in billiards. #FakeBilliardsMovie

 

 

  1. #NotABilliardsMovie8 Ball Bunny. Look, I love the gray hare trickster as much as anyone, but there is no reason this 7-minute animation from 1950 needs to capitalize on billiards fandom with this inane image of a penguin sitting on an 8-ball. According to IMDB, in this short “Bugs helps a penguin go home via New Orleans, Martinique, the Panama Canal and finally the South Pole. But the penguin’s home is in New Jersey.” Maybe if the penguin is a metaphor for New Jersey-born Billiard Congress of America Hall of Fame inductee Allen Hopkins, I could buy it.  Otherwise, this cunicular con needs to come clean. #FakeBilliardsMovie
  1. #NotABilliardsMovieRaja Natwarlal. The poster for this 2014 Bollywood drama, directed by Kunal Deshmukh, shows an attractive couple leaning on a pool table, but the film is actually about a small-time con man seeking assistance form his mentor with the intention of settling scores with a gangster. Apparently, the culprit for this visual deceit is prolific movie poster creator Bharat Devaliya. Shame, shame. #FakeBilliardsMovie

 

 

  1. #NotABilliardsMovieEight Ball. Rick Argall directed this 1991 Australian deception that not only traffics in eight-ball imagery and nomenclature, but also repurposes the sport’s argot with the tagline, “In life the trick is to get an even break.” Pity the uninformed viewer who expects some billiards bravado. This film is about a self-absorbed architect who befriends an ex-convict as they work on building a tourist attraction designed to resemble a huge fish. #FakeBilliardsMovie

 

  1. #NotABilliardsMovieMuzi v Nadeji. This 2011 Czech film (translated as Men in Hope) from director Jiri Vejdelek includes one of the most popular (and #NSFW) billiards scenes on the internet. Thousands of people have watched and shared it, likely with little knowledge of its origin. Indeed, the scene is the basis for the movie’s poster, which exploits the intended viewer’s love of both billiards and beautiful, buxom women. Yet, aside from the one scene, this two-hour comedic romance shows no interest in billiards. #FakeBilliardsMovie
  1. #NotABilliardsMovieNine Ball Diaries. Of all the #FakeBilliardsMovie transgressors, the top dog is this 2008 documentary on – wait for it – cyclocross, an extreme form of bicycling. Aside from the indignity that the film relies entirely on the softly haloed image of a 9-ball (and includes said ball in its title), the poster simultaneously snubs its own subject, as if to fatuously assume that cyclocross is well-understood.   And, lets’ face it, with the exception of Breaking Away, the bicycle-movie genre could probably use some good PR.

I hope this list has raised your mercury level a bit.  This sort of affront requires action. Perhaps, you’ll consider a boycott, or a hunger strike. Maybe join a sit-in or march to Hollywood to draw attention to #FakeBilliardsMovie.  Of course, if other domestic and global issues seem more important (which is remotely possible), then I encourage you to sit back down on the couch, grab a beer and some popcorn, and watch any of the 200+ legitimate billiards movies, short films, and television episodes I’ve cataloged.