Here’s the good news: aside from the similar title, there’s no confusing the low-budget, quasi-billiards movie Extraction, USA with the $65 million Chris Hemsworth one-man-army action movie Extraction. In fact, the sum of the “action” in Extraction USA is a man getting beaned in the head with a billiard ball.
Here’s the bad news: if you thought Extraction was a painful watch (and I’m not referring to all the literal pain Hemsworth afflicts on the Bangladeshi hooligans and drug lords), then you’re in for a difficult 90 minutes with Extraction, USA.
Directed by Mike Yonts and released on Tubi last November, Extraction, USA tells the story of Marni (Leanne Johnson), a single mother, and Steph (Marlee Carpenter), a mysterious drifter, who initially connect by hustling pool and then form a romantic relationship that is tested through the discovery of an underground drug ring. Underpinning all their sharking and derring-do is an urgent need to escape Extraction, the metonymic town named for the industry that supports it, and start a new life far, far away.
The industry, whether it’s fracking or something comparable, contaminates the air and water, creating an urban stink and making the city borderline unlivable and mostly impoverished. The typical lament is that there are a “few extraction millionaires and the rest of us fighting over the scraps.” Against this polluted backdrop, it’s no wonder that Leanne hustles pool for a few extra dollars so she can keep her son in school and avoid having him become a “muck kid.”
Then, along comes Steph, a platinum-haired gypsy, whose sojourn somehow has led her to the Time Out Lounge in middle-of-nowhere Extraction, and it’s love at first break. The chemistry dials up to 11 quickly, and pretty soon our sapphic duo are living together, telling lies to Marni’s uber-gullible son, sneaking into deep-pocket pool games, and eventually planning a heist to steal some drugs that “are like rocket fuel for the mucks” to get them to work harder.
Plotwise, it’s preposterous, but nothing is as absurd as the pool-training and pool-playing sprinkled throughout the first half of the film. After learning that Leanne is the best player in town, Steph trounces her and then becomes her Fast Eddie coach, showing her how to make… wait for it… straight-on shots. It’s Pool For Dummies, with high fives abounding after the simplest of shots. In case the nod to The Color of Money was missed, Leanne quotes Paul Newman’s character on two different occasions: “money won is twice as sweet as money earned.”
The games involving hustling are nominally more interesting, solely because of “quake rules” (i.e., if there is a tremor caused by a local extraction and the balls move, they’re played wherever they land). But, those games are filmed unimaginatively, with a sole jump shot breaking the monotony. (I don’t know how much Tammy “Lefty61935” Anderson, the credited “billiards trainer” earned for this film, but she was overpaid.)
It’s not that Extraction, USA lacks heart or grit. The makers of the film said it was “one of the toughest tasks any of us ever attempted. Like most indie film crews, we put in some long days and endured all sorts of uncertainty about locations, vehicles, and funding.”
But, shoestring budgets can yield great films. Look at Rocky or Mad Max or Halloween.(1) So, that’s a challenge to conquer, but not the underlying issue.
Rather, it’s the film’s desire to be a little of everything that ultimately turns it into a mishmash of nothing. Per the makers, “On one level the film is about crime and action, but if you look a little deeper, it says some interesting things about income inequality, the environment, and men and women in the workplace.”
Therein lies the problem. Extraction, USA triples-down on its multitude of identities. Go to the movie’s website, and the three themes (or “flavors”) – heist, romance, dramedy – are highlighted, each with its own movie poster.
In the zeal to genre-bend and create a movie that is intended to appeal to multiple types of viewers, Extraction USA fumbles through its competing storylines, short changing any real dramatic tension or character evolution. And by making billiards seminal to the story’s arc, without investing in making the billiards remotely realistic or interesting, the movie completely fizzles, leaving just the stench of extraction in the air. —————————
Rocky (1976) was made for $1 million and brought in $225 million worldwide. The franchise has grossed $1.9 billion. Mad Max (1979) cost $300,000 and hauled in $100 million. Halloween (1978) was created for $300,000 and raked in over $70 million worldwide. (source: Collider.com)
In 1961, when 20th Century Fox released The Hustler, Robert Rossen not only made history by directing the gold standard of billiards movies, but also forever popularized the hustler avocation and its association with pool. Though the term “hustler” had been used by road players throughout the twentieth century, and was also the title of Walter Tevis’ first novel, from which The Hustler was adapted two years later, it was Rossen’s movie that permanently injected the hustler into billiards pop culture.
Over the last 63 years, the “hustler” appellation has appeared in more than two dozen billiards movie and television episode titles, ranging from short films (e.g, The Hustle) to international films (e.g., Io, Chiara e lo Scuro, aka The Pool Hustlers); from sketch comedies (e.g., “The Hustler of Money”) to documentaries (e.g., Raising the Hustler); from games shows (e.g., Minnesota Fats Hustles the Pros) to reality shows (e.g., The Hustlers).
The films and shows below are all members of that titular tribe of “hustlers,” tipping their cultural hat to Rossen’s original masterpiece. They all have a whole lotta hustle, even if, unfortunately, most don’t have that much else about which to boast.
MADtv – “The Hustler” (1999)
Never able to fully compete with Saturday Night Live, the sketch comedy show MADtv nonetheless developed a cult following for its lowbrow humor and hot takes on celebrity culture. During the show’s fourth season, comic big man Will Sasso donned the pinstripes and assumed the Minnesota Fats role in the four-minute “The Hustler” sketch.
Essentially, a fat man walks into a pool hall and attempts to convince a local patron that he’s no hustler, just “passing the hours playing the game I love.” He offers to play a game for $5, and he loses. For $20, he loses again. The gag is that he keeps upping the amount and losing, eventually paying out one million dollars. But, when it’s time to complete the hustle and rein in his patsy, his opponent leaves with all the cash. It’s a cute concept, but the predictable joke falls flat quickly. For a far funnier take on The Hustler, watch The New Show with its identically named sketch, “The Hustler.”
Malcom & Eddie – “Do the K.C. Hustle”(1996)
During the 1990s renaissance of black sitcoms, Malcolm & Eddie may not have made anyone’s top five list. Nonetheless, there was far worse watching than this UPN series which paired the responsible and cocksure Malcolm (Malcolm Jamal-Warner, following up his wild success on The Cosby Show) with the fast-talking and frenetic Eddie (Eddie Griffin), who together open a sports bar called McGee’s.
The “Do the K.C. Hustle” episode focuses on a billiards rematch between Malcolm and his old college friend Preston Alexander, now a self-assured millionaire. Preston pokes Malcolm’s ego, getting him to wager $5,000 on a game; only after the deal is sealed does Preston perform some incredible pool shots and Maclom realizes he’s been hustled.
The episode veers in some strange directions involving lingerie and an oversized masseuse, but it’s the wonderful cameo of Richard Pryor as Coach Uncle Bucky that saves the day. Appearing on a power-operated mobility scooter due to his multiple sclerosis, Pryor’s voice is shaky, but his comedic delivery remains spot-on. Though Pryor doesn’t pick up the cue, he doles out good enough advice that Malcolm has the confidence to (1) play without wearing women’s underwear (!!); and (2) make a beautiful multi-ball, multi-rail trick shot to end the game and win the $5,000.
Special kudos to Chef Anton, the episode’s billiards technical advisor, who became the first two-time United States Trick Shot Champion of Pool.
Out of the Blue – “The Hustler” (1979)
With only eight total episodes airing, Out of the Blue is a sitcom trainwreck. The deeply unfunny series starred Jimmy Brogan as Random, an angel-in-training who is assigned to live with (and act as guardian angel for) a suburban Chicago family. (How anyone thought this premise could be humorous is mystifying, but then again, Touched by an Angel ran for almost a decade.)
In “The Hustler,” the Richards family needs to come up with an extra $20 to buy their aunt a sweater. Older son Chris thinks he can make it playing pool, but is quickly hustled. Random cringingly explains, “He let you win a few times. That’s how a hustler sets you up. You’re known as a pigeon. You flew right into his coop.” Lesson learned, Random then gives the hustler a taste of his own medicine, performing the famous six ball butterfly trick shot and quipping, “You’ve heard of Minnesota Fats? They call me Pearly Gates Slim.” (For a more original and funnier permutation of billiards legend Minnesota Fats’ name, watch the Aurora Skittle Pool commercial (1970), featuring comedian Don Adams as “Wisconsin Skinny.”)
I might be more forgiving of this dreck were it not for the deplorable lack of billiards realism. In the first game, Chris’ opponent calls the ball in the corner pocket and then hits it into the side. The cue ball then magically moves to a different part of the table and many of the balls formerly on the table are now mysteriously pocketed. The second game is even worse, as the butterfly shot clears the table, though only six balls went in. The full episode is available to watch below.
Small Time Hustle (2011)
Some time between 1961 and 2011, “hustle” must have become so vulgarized as to have lost its meaning, or else I’m not understanding Rian Lehman’s short film, Small Time Hustle. This wearying film features a couple of small town locals playing pool, sometimes winning money and sometimes losing money. Everyone looks bored, the pool playing is repetitive (as is the music), and there’s no hustle, just a cashier who proves to be a better shot than his opponents. The saving grace is a colorful final 9-ball shot in which the eight ball is first pocketed, and then the ball’s backspin pockets the 9-ball in the opposite side pocket.
Takes Two to Hustle (2014)
Johnny Bastoni and Ace Maserati are respectively the billiards hotshot wildman and his protective gorilla sidekick, who make money hustling pool and earning street cred. In fact, they’re such local legends that one fan is seeking to make a documentary about them. At least, that’s the premise of Alberto D’Onofrio’s Canadian short film Takes Two to Hustle.
Except, in mere minutes, all plausibility is thrown out the window. The only hustle we see Ace make is winning $100 and proclaiming “this is the life!” As for the “crazy motherfucker Bastoni who is scared of nothing and can shred you to pieces,” he comes across as intimidating as a middle school science teacher. The urban folklore seems a far cry from the pathetic reality of these two “heroes of the street.” Remind me why anyone would want to watch a documentary about them?
The Hustler (2013)
Catalan screenwriter David Bertran made waves in 2017 with his short film Coming to Terms that won 45 Awards and was officially selected in 103 film festivals. His first short film, The Hustler is far less well-known, and unfortunately seems unavailable to locate or watch. According to IMDB, the movie is about when “a real estate millionaire, his trophy wife and a hustler engage in a game of pool, things do not always go according to the plan.” If you have any information about this movie or the whereabouts of the people involved in its creation, please contact me directly.
The Real Hustler(2017)
Even less is known about Felipe Lopez’ short film The Real Hustler, which promises, “Pool is a hustlers’ game. One can be the hustler, but someone has to be the mark.” If you have any information about this movie or the whereabouts of the people involved in its creation, please contact me directly.
The Hustle (TBD)
Lest you conclude the hustler’s heyday has run its course, there was a casting call eight months ago in Houston, Texas for The Hustle, a short film that “follows the story of Jake, a confident, seasoned pool hustler who believes he’s unbeatable. One night, he struts into a pool hall, exuding confidence and charm, and quickly hustles a couple of overconfident guys. However, his night takes an unexpected turn when he meets Rebecca, a seemingly casual player who is more than meets the eye.”
And, just in case you’re not convinced that the billiards hustler has become as ubiquitous in pop culture as the criminal mastermind, the charming outlaw, and the ice queen, I leave you with the trailer for Custer Hustler, a pool movie that was never actually made.
After watching Break, Will Wernick’s tedious and hackneyed film that released earlier this year, I asked ChatGPT to create the most cliched billiards movie possible. The similarities to Break were striking, but not surprising.
Break follows the story of Eli King, a twenty-something from Southfield, Michigan, who balances multiple jobs while caring for his family. His life takes a dramatic turn after a game of 8-ball with a local frat boy turns violent. He is suddenly thrust into Detroit’s billiards underbelly, where shady characters and doting old-timers spend their days and nights at the Loving Touch Pocket Billiards hall. There, he discovers his runaway father’s legacy as a pool legend. He embarks on a transformative journey, which will encompass highs and lows, love and violence, and, of course, the ultimate, winner-takes-all match of 9-ball against evil Jimmy, the man responsible for forcing his father to leave town.
ChatGPT pitched me the (fake) movie Cue of Destiny. “Small-town prodigy Jake Daniels reluctantly enters the high-stakes world of underground billiards to escape his dead-end life, guided by his estranged father, a disgraced pool hustler. Facing colorful rivals and his own insecurities, Jake must overcome impossible odds to take on Vincent “Viper” Kane, the man who destroyed his father’s career. With a heart-stopping final shot, Jake redeems his family’s name, wins the championship, and forges his own path as a legend in the making.”
Aside from the fact that Cue of Destiny is at least an original title, as opposed to Break, which may have cribbed its title from Sam Elkins’ superior billiards movie Break (2020), the two movies read like cinematic kissing cousins. Their shared DNA consists of every recycled billiards trope, two-dimensional character, and watered-down plot idea imaginable.
Taking the comparison a step further, I asked ChatGPT for some sample dialogue from Cue of Destiny. The billiards screenwriter in the ether replied,”Pool ain’t just about sinking balls, kid. It’s about controlling the table. Same as life—if you don’t own the table, someone else will own you.”
As for Break, the three-person writing team scripted a similarly clichéd zinger, “Learn how to play the game or the game will play you…Keep your life clean, the game will work out.”
The shame is if you remove the derivative dialogue, the cardboard characters, and the atrocious acting from the lead (Darren Weiss, who is also the executive producer), you’re left with a film that genuinely seems to enjoy billiards, or at least, the filming of billiards.
A variety of camera angles and filming techniques were used to capture the motion of the balls and the beauty of pocketing shots. There are some great bank shots, some well-crafted shot sequences, and a particularly sweet double bank shot with just the right amount of English.
We know director Will Wernick likes billiards, or at least terrorizing people in upside down pool halls, as evidenced in his 2017 horror flick Escape Room. But, more likely, credit goes to cinematographer Akis Konstantakopoulos and editor Daniel Gibb, as well as billiards coaches (and presumably technical advisors) Steve Sherman and Spencer Ladin. (According to an interview with Weiss, Ladin also spent about three hours a day, three days a week for three months teaching Weiss how to shoot billiards.) Sportsman Family Billiards in Englewood, Los Angeles, also proved a great locale as the venue standing-in for Loving Touch Pocket Billiards.
Other callouts go to actress Braedyn Burner, who makes the most of her flimsy character Millie, the overnight love interest of Eli, and veteran actor Jeff Kober, who plays evil Jimmy. Kober is an Emmy-winning actor (General Hospital), who played a number of unredeemable and far more memorable characters in shows such as Sons of Anarchy, The Walking Dead, and Out of Bounds. He’s the C-list headliner for Break, much like Rutger Hauer was the marquis (and more recognizable) name that helped the other Break (2020) stand out from the billiards pack.
Unfortunately, neither a few good actors, nor an affinity for billiards, can save this otherwise miserable movie from the billiards trash-heap. To quote ChatGPT one more time, “I guess some tables just aren’t meant to be won.” The same is true for billiards movies.
Break is available to stream on Amazon Prime. You can watch the trailer below.
In the moving industry, a swamper is slang for an unskilled laborer who assists in the loading and unloading of packed furniture, boxes, and other objects. Jay Thurlow, the protagonist of Philip Neumann’s 2021 Canadian movie Swamper, is a swamper, and it’s not pretty.
For every occasional generous gratuity he receives, he must also clean out the fecal matter left in the truck by homeless people; double-check his employer which tries to short-change him on his hourly pay; haul sofas up treacherous cliffs; accept verbal abuse from clients; and turn a blind eye to a murderous, ill-tempered partner.
And that’s just the tip of the cue stick when it comes to Jay’s bad luck and difficult life.
He must also deal with a dying mother, an unemployed alcoholic father, a violent landlord, and a demanding girlfriend. He gets fired, dumped, conned, beaten, and repeatedly threatened. On the positive, someone offers to purchase his eyeball for $20,000.
On top of, or perhaps as a result of, these woes and vices, Jay also has a billiards gambling problem. He’s a pool shark, who easily rattles; a hustler who can’t finish the hustle; a talent who can’t get out of his own way. He’s metaphorically running the table and still scratching on the 8-ball.
Apparently, being an indigenous teen from a broken family is hard, which seems to be core to the movie’s muddled message. But, within this miasma, there is optimism. Brandon Moon, who plays Jay, injects his character with an innocent and heartfelt pertinacity. He is repeatedly knocked down, but never knocked out.
This persistence is central to Jay’s pool game. Whether it’s 8-ball or 9-ball, one pocket against Manitoba Fats or straight pool (“Who the fuck plays straight pool anymore?”) against Ronnie the Rooster, billiards is Jay’s lifeline to a possibly better world.
We root for Jay, even if it’s just to get a momentary respite from his hapless existence. But, oddly, Swamper does not reward the audience, which is one of the film’s fundamental problems. The character arcs are horizontal lines with narratives that fade, rather than conclude. Enjoyable scenes are intermittently scattered throughout an otherwise unsatisfying and exhausting viewing experience.
As for the pool, there are some clear nods to The Hustler and The Color of Money, from the black-and-white filming to the fanboy obsession with specific cue sticks, such as a Kevin DeRoo versus a vintage Meucci, to the aforementioned fat man opponent. The pool-playing is authentic, but it lacks dramatic tension, especially during the culminating $10,000 8-Ball Tournament, which unfortunately makes Swamper a far cry from the genre’s giants it so obviously idolizes.
Sadly, Swamper does have one thing in common with its billiard film predecessors. Just as The Hustler filmed at Ames Pool Hall (which closed five years after the film in 1966), and The Color of Money filmed at St. Paul’s Billiards (now closed), Swamper filmed at Guys & Dolls Billiards in Vancouver…and which is also now closed.
Swamper is not currently available to watch online. A huge thank you to Alex Quinn, actor and producer of Swamper, for sharing a private copy of the film with me to watch.
When Heinrich Schliemann discovered Troy in the 1870s, observers were disappointed that the archaeological site’s grandeur did not align with its portrayal in Homer’s Iliad. When Howard Carter discovered King Tut’s tomb in 1922, many were initially underwhelmed by its small size, and later, by its absence of secret chambers.
Sometimes, reality falls well short of expectation.
That’s certainly the truth behind the recent discovery of The Player, a billiards movie released in November 1971 and considered forever lost. For more than 50 years, billiards enthusiasts have talked about the legendary film, starring Minnesota Fats as “the greatest pool hustler in the greatest pool movie.” The film was the El Dorado of the billiards film genre, often discussed but rarely, if ever, seen, except by a select few who may have viewed it during the one week it played at one of a handful of Ogden-Perry Theatres half a century ago.
Like so many others, I had devoted considerable time to tracking down the film. I even discovered a two-minute trailer. It was like staring at a blurred photo of a head emerging from Loch Ness – proof of an existence just beyond grasp, or maybe a hoax about a film that was never finished. But, ultimately, all my sleuthing proved fruitless, all my leads were dead-ends, and I discontinued the search about 10 years ago. It was the opinion of this billiards film historian that The Player was gone for good.
That denouement – that acceptance of truth – was detonated two months ago when the folks at FT Depot, a film restoration community, dropped a billiards bomb by unexpectedly releasing the complete version of The Player, available here.
The story of that release, which is discussed in detail on the YouTube site, is infinitely more engaging and entertaining than the actual movie. An abandoned print, a delinquent drive-in operator, a storage room filled with rain puddles, Vinegar Syndrome, physical distortion – it’s a cinematic billiards miracle, a feat almost as incredible as Willie Mosconi’s 526-ball run or Efren Reyes’ history-making Z-shot at the 1995 Sands Regency 9-Ball Open.
As for The Player, it’s hard to overstate the awfulness of this film.
Created as a decade-late response to The Hustler, which starred Jackie Gleason as the fictional, corpulent pool shark Minnesota Fats, Thomas DeMartini’s The Player featured the real Minnesota Fats (aka Rudolf Wanderone) in his film debut. Though Fats was central to the film’s marketing, he only appears in three scenes, all of which basically consist of him, playing himself, sauntering around the table, knocking in balls and making dazzling trick shots.
The rest of the movie focuses on a respected pool player Lou Marchesi, whose life begins to crumble through his association with Sylvia, a beautiful and sophisticated woman who refuses to understand or accept his way of life.
The movie largely ping pongs between uninterrupted matches of 9-ball, 14.1, and one-pocket, primarily filmed at the former Shopper’s Pool Room in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, and cringe worthy scenes between Lou and Sylvia. The characters are wooden, the script is soporific, the drama is turgid, the pacing is terrible, the filming is poor, and there are almost two relentless hours of reusing the same musical riffs, with the sole exception being the inclusion of Shorty Rogers’ jazzy tune, “The Player.”
Fats is, by far, the most entertaining aspect of the movie, which says something given his limited screen time and lack of acting. (He does have one of the film’s best lines, when he expresses concern to Lou about his overbearing girlfriend and deadpans, “you better dust this tomato off.”)
Throughout the 1960s, producers had allegedly approached Fats about making another great pool movie to follow on the success of The Hustler. He turned down many scripts until he found one that was perfect and realistic with The Player.
I’m pretty sure that story is bogus, but like so much with Fats, who is famous for claiming that Jackie Gleason’s character (created by Walter Tevis) was modeled after him, sometimes the fiction is more entertaining than the facts.
That’s also the story of The Player, a film whose mythology has proven to be far more interesting than its actual content. As appreciative as I am to the technical wizards at FT Depot, I can’t help but wonder if this film was better left in that storage room, shrouded in mystique and deserving not to see another day.
Last Thursday, the news broke on British media outlets that a new movie on snooker superstar Jimmy White is forthcoming. The details were scant, though the story revealed that actor Ray Winstone is confirmed to play the Whirlwind’s manager, presumably Harvey Lisberg.
While the hard-partying, hellraiser has been the subject of multiple documentaries (e.g., Jimmy White: Close to the Wind; Jimmy White: The One and Only) and has even appeared in a couple of billiards movies (i.e., Legend of the Dragon; Perfect Break), this unnamed film would be the first biopic featuring him.
Mr. White’s wild life, combined with the cinematic horsepower of Mr. Winstone, sounds too good to be true. But, the real question is whether the film will ever get made?
Arguably, there was similar excitement on this side of the ocean five years ago when Varietyannounced that the Lagralane Group and United Film House had secured rights to the manuscript detailing the life of billiard champion Cisero Murphy. But, there’s been nary a peep since that release.
As we wait for updates on the White and Murphy movies, it’s worth taking inventory of other up-and-coming billiards films. The films listed below are all currently in some amorphous state of production, whatever that means in practice. Some may never get made, such as the once ballyhooed Ride the 9; others may one day make the leap from green baize to silver screen. We can only hope.
After interviewing director Leif Johnson almost a year ago about his forthcoming English billiards dramedy Mr Doom, I’ve been waiting for signs this film would make it to the big screen. Good news! Next week, it’s showing at the Northampton Film House as part of their film festival. The movie “follows the exploits of two men: one a professional hustler and the other a professional f**k-up. Both living on the fringes of society, day to day, bar to bar, hustle to hustle. Godlike with a pool cue in their hands but a total disaster in every other area of their lives. We follow this unlikely pair on a dangerous path of self-destruction, in a world of their own design, with the hope of making easy money.” My full interview with Mr. Johnson is available here.
8-Ball: A Pool Hall Western
A few years ago, I caught up with Brett Dameron and Kathleen Burke, the founders of BearWolf Creations, and the writers of the screenplay 8-Ball: A Pool Hall Western, which was a semi-finalist for the 2021 Academy Awards Nicholl Fellowship. They shared that their post-apocalyptic movie subverts the Western genre by putting all the components in a pool hall and having people live in tribal societies which are ruled by the best pool players. The film’s major event is a do-or-die three-day long pool tournament. I shared with them that it sounds like the Australian billiards movie Hard Knuckle, though hopefully much (much) better. Now they just need to raise “five to 10 million dollars” and cast a big star, like “Chris Evans or Jason Mamoa.”
Life Behind the Eight Ball
Drew Jordan and Nick Davaine approached their documentary by asking “what is pool?” to amateur and professional billiards players. Their goal was to discover a different side of pool and grow the sport’s community, rather than let the persona of the “grimy pool hustler” dictate the game’s image. Among the players promised to appear in Life Behind the Eight Ball are Danny Smith, Ronnie Wiseman, and Robb Saez. The producers created this teaser video, and then launched a campaign on Indiegogo that unfortunately didn’t generate much outside funds. While this film may be in permanent pool purgatory, Mr. Davaine shared with me via email (in 2020) that he does eventually expect filming to resume.
Girls Can’t Play Pool
With its provocative yo-bro title, Girls Can’t Play Pool promises to run headfirst into some familiar billiards stereotypes. Unfortunately, little is known about the film, other than its logline, “Two female pool hustlers team up to win more money than either could alone – but their growing friendship is tested when the lure of easy money is eclipsed by the dangers of the road.” Jonathan Teplitsky, the Australian director behind Churchill (2017) and The Railway Man (2013), appears to be the movie’s director, but as of now, he seems more focused on making a sequel to his 2023 crime comedy Gettin’ Square.
Extraction, USA
According to IMDB, Extraction USA is in post-production, having already shown at a few festivals and snagged some awards. So, fingers crossed that we’ll soon get to watch Mike Yonts’ movie about two women, a single mom bartender (Marni) and a drifter (Steph), who hatch schemes to hustle the town’s elite in billiards. But when the women uncover a drug ring with the potential for a much bigger score, they believe it presents a path to escape the town of Extraction. Learn more on the film’s website and check out the film’s trailer.
Sapphire
Another newsbreak – this one in February, 2021. Barry Keoghan – aka The Riddler (The Batman) aka Oliver Quick (Saltburn) aka Dominic Kearney (his Oscar-nominated role from The Banshees of Inisherin) – would star in a forthcoming UK drama-thriller called Sapphire. According to the articles, “Mr. Keoghan will play a world-champion snooker player plagued by gambling addiction who escapes to China in search of a fresh start only to become indebted to illegal bookmakers and forced into a mortal dilemma; throw the biggest match of his life or save his soul.” Filming was supposed to start that fall, but three years later, there hasn’t even been an online whisper about the film.
The Rematch
In 2020, producer Len Evans released the snooker film Perfect Break, which I derided in my review as a “perfect bust.” Incredulously, it appears that Mr. Evans may be pursuing a sequel with The Rematch. Like Perfect Break, the film promises appearances by snooker household names Jimmy White and John Virgo, as well as the actor John Altman. However, as anyone knows who suffered through Perfect Break, Mr. White and Mr. Virgo had three minutes of stilted dialogue, literally done as talking heads. While it’s dubious The Rematch will live up to its tagline, “A comedy with balls,” I will give Mr. Evans credit: it takes balls to make a follow-up to Perfect Break. If you want to help make this “dream a reality” and support the film’s development, learn more here.
The Ruby Lion
Dmitry Lesnevskiy Jr. is a film director and a 2020 NYU Tisch School of the Arts graduate. Having directed multiple short films and music videos, he is now crowdfunding to complete his forthcoming billiards short film, The Ruby Lion. The movie is “the story of not only the unresolved conflict between a father and son, but the purification of one’s soul in purgatory.” If that’s not confusing enough, try this, “Having never lost a game of pool in over twenty years, a retired world 9-Ball Champion, Reuben “Ruby Howard” finally faces a worthy opponent. But the eerily persistent challenger confronts the legends’ love for the game, resulting in the ultimate sacrifice.” Yeah, I dunno either. But, at least the teaser shows clips from billiards movies Stickmen and The Baron and the Kid.
Billiards: Year One
After successfully adapting their stage play Billiards into the 2020 short film Billiards, Jon Cooper and Quan Malik Jones are now turning their attention to adapting their film into a television series called Billiards: Year One. It’s hard not to get on the Jon-and-Quan train, when you hear them wax philosophical about the sport. “Billiards can uplift and empower other creatives, particularly those we affectionately refer to as the underdogs…[Billiards] is a force that transcends boundaries, a catalyst for change, and a testament to the transformative power of storytelling.” While their GoFundme campaign has ended, you can follow their efforts at their website.
That opening, sharp-tongued retort suggests viewers may be in for two hours of ratatat pool-playing. And that wouldn’t be entirely wrong. Double Down South, which premiered at the 2022 Newport Beach Film Festival, is very much a billiards film, full of bank shots, hotshots, cheap shots, and potshots. But, if you’re expecting eightball, nineball, straight pool, three-cushion billiards, sixball, goriziana, Russian pyramid, tenfold carom, or any of the other myriad forms of the sport which have populated the billiards film genre, then pencils out and take a seat: you’ve got a new billiards education coming.
Written and directed by Tom Shulman, the Oscar-winning writer of Dead Poets Society, Double Down South takes place in the rarified world of keno billiards. Now, I’ve been writing about billiards and film since 2013, and for the record, I had never heard of the sport either. Keno billiards has a certain mythical folklore surrounding it. Even within diehard online billiards communities (e.g., AZBilliards), few have played it, some dismiss it (as largely a game of luck), and many have not heard of it. But, it’s most definitely real, and one requiring real skill. As someone once said, “If ya want to know how to turn a big stack of cash into a little stack of cash….start playing [keno billiards].”
The game is played on a pool table, with the two far corner pockets covered by a keno game board, consisting of rows of numbered holes. Players then trade shots, attempting to hit the billiards balls into corresponding or predetermined numbered pockets on the keno board. Rules are almost always local, but generally involve lots of betting and doubling of bets based on making the shots.
Keno billiards likely began in the early 1900s, during a wave of billiards board games, with names such as Amos and Andy, Hatta Boy, Pigeon Pool, Roulo, Scotch Pool, Star, and Turf. Keno billiards was among the most popular, though today there are only a couple of manufacturers of the board, and you’d be hard pressed to locate a (legal) game.
But, if you wanted to find an illegal game circa 1998, travel to (the fictitious town of) Kingsville, Georgia, the “keno capital of the world,” and head to Nick’s, an antebellum, dilapidated plantation house that now acts as a pool hall and diner for many bearded, beer-bellied, bubbas.
Into this Southern backwoods fraternity enters Diana (Lili Simmons), a bomber-jacket-and-beanie-cap wearing, belly-ring sporting stunner, whose drop-dead looks and slo-mo Southern drawl could raise Stonewall Jackson from his grave. Diana is the one who didn’t come to adopt a puppy, though it’s pretty obvious she didn’t randomly show up just to shoot pool, either.
Allegedly, she’s come to get good at keno. It’s a paper-thin story, but that doesn’t bother Nick (Kim Coates), the racist, misogynistic, proprietor, who’s only too glad to have such a hot piece of action as the main roadside attraction at his establishment. Indeed, Diana’s not two bites into her catfish sandwich, before Nick is propositioning her with a rednecked, blueballed, plan that’s all about making some green. In exchange for room, board, and teaching her the game of keno, Nick will promote Diana and stakehorse her for a percent of her winnings. It’s a harebrained proposal, all the more absurd given it’s based on watching her pocket only a few shots. With minimal deliberation, Diana accepts, setting in motion a dangerous and tense partnership.
So begins Diana’s tutelage, under the one working eye of good-natured Little Nick (Igby Rigney). In record time, she masters the game’s nuances and defeats a rogue’s gallery of high-stakes keno billiards bad boys, including Nick’s former show pony Douche, a lecherous “basement psycho” named Harvey Block, Tulsa, Rebel, and even Tony “Rooster” Rose. Along the way, she wins the warmth and admiration of Little Nick, the father Old Nick, the mansion matron Sheila, and all the local yokels, who are as impressed with her skills as they are mesmerized by her curves.
But, the real target is Beaumont DuBinion (Justin Marcel McManus), a Black keno champion, who allegedly once cheated Nick and paid with a beatdown and the loss of both kidneys. The hatred runs hot, and Nick wants nothing more than to beat Beaumont once more (and maybe for the South to rise again).
Beneath the baize there’s a lot happening in this genre-bending Southern Gothic, Western, Sports drama thriller. While the “surprise” ending is more predictable than a muggy Mississippi summer, Double Down South works primarily because of the intense characterizations and cat-and-mouse dynamics between the film’s two leads, Diana and Nick.
Ms. Simmons, largely a TV actress known for recurring roles in Banshee and Ray Donovan, imbues Diana with mystery and feminine toughness, while also showing complexity and vulnerability, as her motives are continually questioned. Her precarious alliance with Nick, played with hotblooded, unpredictable volatility by Mr. Coates, keeps the tension high. Viewers who enjoy Mr. Coates as Tig Trager, the fearless motorcycle club sergeant at arms from Sons of Anarchy, will not be disappointed.
As for the keno billiards, credit likely goes to cinematographer Alan Claudillo, who ensures the game playing, with its dull-but-difficult shots, does not turn into a putt-putt snorefest, but rather maintains some level of dramatic tension. It’s a challenging feat, and the lack of single continuous shots demonstrates how hard it is to film expert keno billiards, but ignoring any purist outcries, the sequences do not distract from the tempo.
Double Down South is having its live, digital premiere on February 24. To learn more about the movie, visit its website. A special thank you to Kim Dixon for providing me with advanced access to write this review.
Many years before portraying iconic characters, such as New York Continental owner Winston Scott (John Wick), saloon owner and pimp Al Swearengen (Deadwood), and crafty conman Mr. Wednesday(American Gods), Ian MacShane played Ian Deegan, a Nottingham demolitions expert with a penchant for snooker, in the 1994 UK TV movie White Goods.
Few people have heard of the movie. Among those that have, it’s seemingly because Mr. MacShane has sex on a snooker table with a 24-year-old Rachel Weisz, still 12 years before her Supporting Actress Oscar. (No nudity, but lots of balls are unintentionally pocketed.)
But, don’t let the lack of familiarity with the film intimidate you. If you can find it – which is a big “if,” as I had to source White Goods on a rare film site that sent me an unmarked, burned DVD – then it’s well worth the watch.
Ian Deegan is rough, gruff, loud, and proud. He’s a boozer, a flirt, and a relatively decent snooker player. The yin to his yang is Charlie Collins (Lenny Henry), a soft-spoken teacher, who paints, excels at trivia, sips his drinks, and steers clear of the baize. They’re black and white neighbors in a blue-collar neighborhood, where surface differences don’t interfere with solid friendships.
Opportunity comes knocking in their working class hamlet when the producers of the game show Snooker Challenge have a last-minute cancellation and need to find a pair of new contestants. Thrust into the hurly-burly of the Lenton Lane Social and Snooker Club, the show’s producers settle on Deegan and Collins. It’s a quotidian decision for the producers, but it’s potentially game-changing for Deegan and Collins’ families, who imagine their lives transformed as a result of winning all those ‘white goods’ (i.e., historically white appliances such as washing machines, fridge-freezers, tumble dryers and dishwashers.)
And, boy, do they win! After a well-played first round when “points are prizes,” the blokes earn quite the booty, such as a month’s supply of white rum and white wine, plus a year’s supply of white cleaning powder. In round two, Deegan defeats the show’s snooker champ and former Crucible winner Paul Ryan. Finally, in the ultimate Pot of Gold round, Collins seemingly defies the odds by correctly answering why Van Gogh painted old boots during his Paris period.
Snooker Challenge is entertaining cinema, but it’s a brilliant lampoon of the British trivia-and-sports game shows that premiered in the ‘80s and ‘90s. Its most obvious target is Big Break, in which teams competed in a series of rounds in which one contestant’s success answering questions translated into advantages for that contestant’s teammate on the snooker table. Similar real shows included Full Swing (golf), and the genre’s progenitor Bullseye (darts).
The parodizing digs deep with its mockery of the game show’s (white good) prizes, imbecilic contestants, a toffee-nosed producer (who refers to the Lenton Lane Snooker Club as a scene out of Jurassic Park 2), a solipsistic snooker champ, and a dim-witted production assistant. But, it really sharpens its fangs with the portrayal of Mickey Short (Chris Barrie), the foul-mouthed Snooker Challenge host, who has a rat-a-tat stream of one-liners disparaging the game show’s prize girl, Lucy Diamond, a former Page 3 glamor model. “Juicy Lucy,” “Lucy with long legs, watch them go,” and “Oh, bounciest one,” are just some of the misogynistic monikers he snipes at her with glee.
White Goods isn’t content to limit its satire to game shows. Though not as sharp-toothed as some better known late-80s/early-90s send-ups of consumerism (e.g., They Live; Falling Down), the film’s final third pivots from game show to neighbor wars, as the outcome of Snooker Challenge is questioned and suggested to be rigged. Deegan and Collins, and even more so, their wives, become locked in a bitter rivalry over who deserves all the show’s spoils.
The formerly friendly families trade barbs as they try to outmaneuver one another for the prizes, once they are delivered. Selfish comments, such as, “Where is my microwave?,” escalate into hurtful insults that sting of classism and prejudice. The tension overflows as Deegan resorts to storing the white goods in his shed and wiring them with a detonative device, lest the Collins family try to steal them back.
It is only once the families children start mimicking their parents and trading blows over the mounds of merchandise do the mothers realize their avarice has gone too far. I won’t give away the ending, but let’s just say it’s pretty explosive.
So, it’s only fitting that ten years later, for my 250th blog post, I am honoring the cinematic garniture that adorns my cellar with my list of the Top 10 Billiards Movie Posters.
Most assuredly, this is not a list of the top billiards movies; some of these movies were terrible, and some never escaped pre- or post-production. But, each of these posters superbly achieves its goals of marketing its movie. It previews plot, tone, and visual aesthetic; more important, it creates a memorable imprint on the intended audience that hopefully sparks interest, conversation, and of course, viewership.
One additional note: where possible, I have credited the designer of the movie poster. However, this information is often not known. The substantial majority of movie posters are created and designed by marketing agencies. Sadly, the art directors or graphic designers behind this iconography are rarely recognized; their achievements are subsumed behind the corporate doors of their employers.
Created by graphic designers Cindy Conklin and Tina Lowry, the poster for 8 Ball foregrounds an eight-ball, which sits at the center of shattering glass to reveal the side profile of an unidentified gunman. The numerical character on the ball also doubles as part of the movie’s title. The poster screams urgency, instability, and the promise of darkness and danger. It’s not surprising that similarly-themed posters have been used to promote a variety of horror, suspense, and supernatural films. Unfortunately, 8 Ball never made it to the theaters. When I first interviewed David Barosso, the film’s executive producer, in 2014, his film had already been 10 years in the making. Now, almost 10 years later, it seems any interest drummed up by the poster will have to look elsewhere for its billiards suspense mash-up.
Alan Clarke’s loopy, snooker musical, Billy the Kid and the Green Baize Vampire, is unlike any movie you’ve seen. The same, however, cannot be said about the film’s original release poster or its more popular DVD cover; both are woefully unimaginative and confoundingly forgo the opportunity to showcase the film’s protagonist, a snooker-playing vampire! Fortunately, the poster for the film’s Czech release more than compensated. Designed by Věra Nováková, an icon of the Czech art scene, the poster mixes styles, colors, and perspective, to create a memorably compelling invitation to the film. And while the snooker is visually present (with the seven balls on the baize), it is Alan Armstrong’s vampiric character that unabashedly consumes the poster’s real estate. More of Ms. Nováková’s posters are viewable here.
8. Bred in Manila
Another movie that unfortunately ran out of funding before it could get made, Bred in Manila was a passion project for director Phil Giordano. In 2019, a post on the movie’s Facebook page said he had been “working on the script for the last three years and has done countless hours of research, location scouting, interviews, late night anecdote-filled drinking sessions, script revisions, pitches, meetings, begging, crying, cheering, and overall filmmaking heartache to make this film possible.” Based solely on the film’s poster, I held high hopes for this movie. The poster, which was created by Karen Abarca Giordano, is creatively bifurcated to show two intersecting environments. On the top, the movie’s protagonist, back to the viewer, passively competes in a billiards game. But, her body seems to continue, past the gun and the caution tape, into the poster’s bottom half. There, her legs are replaced by overgrown tree roots that extend into the slums, where people are passed out, lying in filth. The poster enforces the movie’s tagline about “gambling with her life” by visually reinforcing the player’s delicate straddling of a world of possibility (top) and a world of deadendness (bottom).
In Bai Xinyu’s 2019 Chinese billiards drama Metal Billiards (or Alloy Billiards), the main character is an industrial design student who creates a robotic arm that he uses to advantage his billiards game and ultimately to avenge his father. Along the way, he befriends a group of hipsters and competes against a rogue’s gallery of opponents, who look like they might have stepped out of Smokin’ Aces or The Suicide Squad. Similar to the posters promoting much of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, the Metal Billiards poster acknowledges its comic book-like cast by making them the focus and cramming them all around a pool table. Heck, the main character even looks like Marvel’s Winter Soldier. I still have yet to locate the complete film to watch, but based solely on the power of the poster, Metal Billiards remains at the top of my must-see list.
The Baltimore Bullet should have been a much better billiards movie. Aside from starring two past Oscar nominees (Omar Sharif, Ronee Blakley), the film also featured a who’s-who of billiards professionals: Mike Sigel, Willie Mosconi, Steve Mizerak, Jimmy Mataya, Lou Butera, Irving Crane, Allen Hopkins, Pete Margo, Ray Martin, James Rempe, and Richie Florence. How did this film flatline? Well, you can’t blame Jack Davis, a founding cartoonist of Mad and the creator of the original artwork for the film. His wonderful, madcap, kitchen-sink style poster, featuring his signature cartoon characters with big heads and distorted anatomy, captured the movie’s aspirational rip-roaring zaniness. It’s a shame the movie couldn’t deliver on the promise. Interestingly, the posters for the European releases considerably toned down that harebrained bravado. Perhaps they resonated more with their international audiences, but in my mind, those posters (e.g., France, Italy, Spain) were far less original or effective.
I watched Kisses & Caroms in 2013 thinking I had discovered the Porky’s of billiards entertainment. The titillating (pun intended) poster, suggesting a woman’s private parts covered by a perfect rack (pun intended?), lured me in like an adolescent horndog. The movie promised humor, billiards, and sex (or at least sexual innuendo), none of which was remotely present in the actual movie. Though I found the poster effective (especially in the billiards movie genre, where the posters are rather light on both sex and humor), I acknowledge the artwork also falls into stand-up comedian Marcia Belsky’s poster category of “Headless Women of Hollywood,” a problematic trend that crops out women’s faces completely in favor of butt and boob shots. Perhaps not surprisingly, this treatment extended into multiple promotional posters for the film, including the “uncensored director’s cut” and the originally-titled American Balls version.
This psycho-fantastic, mindfuck of a billiards movie will leave you reeling in a hallucinogenic poppy field. Directed by Yuzuru Tachikawa and produced by Madhouse Studios, Death Billiards is a 26-minute Japanese anime film from 2013 that not only had audiences spinning in a whirlwind of WTF-ness, but also took the billiards movie genre through the looking glass. (In addition, it spawned a follow-up anime TV series called Death Parade.) To tee up this pilgrimage to pool purgatory, the promotional poster needed to be particularly wild. And, on this front, Death Billiards did not disappoint. Created by Long Beach-based graphic designer spencerlinds, the stained glass-like poster shows the film’s two competitors beginning a death game of billiards, while other, larger eerie characters hover disinterestedly in the background. The poster asked more questions than it answered, which is exactly the sentiment I had emerging from the movie.
3. The Hustler
One film that needs no introduction is The Hustler, which 60 years later is still the beau ideal of the billiards movie genre. However, 20th Century Fox blundered with its initial promotional poster for the 1961 release. It showed a hand-drawn Paul Newman cradling and kissing Piper Laurie beneath a cringeworthy tagline – “It delves without compromise into the hunger that lies deep within us all!” – that feels more appropriate on the cover of a Kozy Books novel. Fortunately, the movie’s popularity warranted a re-release in 1964, and this time, the studio (credit unknown) nailed it. The new re-release poster eschewed the pulpy sensationalism of its predecessor. Jumping on the Pop Art bandwagon that had recently kicked off in the US, the new poster creatively bisected the space with a cue stick and then featured tinted stills from the movie inside of abstract billiards balls. The chartreuse background, a sickly substitute for the baize of a billiards table, accentuates the primary colors of the balls. And thankfully, that original ill-begotten tagline was now replaced with the instantly quotable, “They called him ‘Fast’ Eddie.”
2. The Hustler (French version)
Disappointment with the first release poster for The Hustler was not limited to the United States; across the Atlantic in France, moviegoers were equally underwhelmed by the initial French poster for the film (aka L’arnaqueur). Created by Boris Grinsson, the hand-drawn poster is oddly disconnected from the film’s subject matter. While visually interesting, it’s baffling that the poster focuses on three faceless individuals attempting to subdue Fast Eddie. Thankfully, in 1982, French artist Jean Mascii corrected the problem with a positively brilliant reissue poster. Mascii, who designed more than 1500 cinema posters and 250 book covers, recognized the centrality of billiards, both as a driver of the plot and as a metaphor for the characters’ precarious situations. Building on the American poster’s concept of putting the characters in the balls, Mascii’s art is both more dynamic (with Fast Eddie bouncing off the table) and more focused on the arcs of its characters. Thus, Bert Gordon comfortably sitting inside the red ball, or Sarah Packard bleeding out the crack of her ball’s exterior.1 Within Mascii’s poster, the whole film comes to life in magnificent fashion.
As noted in my original review, there is so much to like about Louis Jack’s 2020 short film Petrichor. The director said his film is about the “psychological warfare on the billiards table, a life lived from a suitcase and relentless losses that have left [the main character] a shell of a man.” Everything – the acting, the music, the pacing – all create an intentionally unsettling and spookish experience. The film’s movie poster (credit unknown) is no different. Simply by rotating the table’s angle 90 degrees from horizontal to vertical, the player’s world – and therefore the viewer’s world – is thrown topsy-turvy. Every shot becomes a literal uphill battle, and the full 2500 pounds of the sport is visually and metaphorically close to crushing the pool player. The jet black background further enhances the effect. The player is losing his corporeal identity, fading into a billiards abyss. While The Hustler is the unparalleled leader in billiards movies, the little-known Petrichor wins my top spot in the Best Poster category.
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To my knowledge, The Hustler was not the first artwork to situate characters inside billiards balls. That honor seems to belong to a 1940s “Put Them Behind the Eight Ball” WWII billiards war poster. However, since The Hustler, it has become a periodic metaphor, most often used on magazine covers (e.g., Sinteza, 2014; India Today, 2013).
While the masses know the game of 8-Ball, the fanatics know the game of 9-Ball. Often characterized as a more difficult, more demanding game, 9-Ball exudes a heightened exclusiveness. It’s the cool kids’ clubhouse, the hipsters’ hideaway. Is it any wonder that Rihanna’s character in Ocean’s 8 is named Nineball?
Perhaps not surprisingly, the billiards movie genre’s most famous members – The Hustler, The Color of Money, and Poolhall Junkies – all focus on 9-Ball, even if it’s not spelled out in the title.
But, what happens to the mystique when everyone is obsessing over it? As it turns out, nineball is the focus of more than just the above billiards trifecta; in fact, 9-ball (in all its lexical variants) is in the title of nine different films and TV shows! So, chalk your cue, and get ready for a Nonet of Nineball-Named movies.
Nine Ball (1995, 2023)
The newest addition to this cinematic ennead is Nine Ball, which has a history considerably more interesting than the movie itself. Shot on Super 16 in 1995 for a budget of approximately $30,000, the movie was an alternate for the 1996 Sundance Film Festival. Unfortunately, the opening at Sundance didn’t emerge; moreover, with no offers for distribution, the producer Rich Grasso, who also acts in the film, could not raise the additional $250,000 to finish the movie. The unfinished negative sat in a closet for 25 years, until the boredom of COVID prompted Mr. Grasso to give Nine Ball another look. With advances in technology, and streaming options that didn’t exist a quarter century ago, Mr. Grasso was able to complete his billiards opus, which is now available to watch on Amazon Prime. The movie stars Kenny Johnson (S.W.A.T.; The Shield) in his first feature film, though some of the other actors (e.g., Eugene Williams, Steven Benjamin Wise), who did not remotely achieve the same subsequent level of stardom, were far more compelling.
Nine Ball’s storyline is fairly rote. A quintet of friends in a small town find joy in their weekly get-togethers at a local dive bar. They have free access to alcohol and the pool table, where 9-ball is not a game, it’s a “religion.” But, beneath the booze-infested bonhomie, there is tremendous tension: economic, racial, relationships, dead-end ambitions. For all the talk about 9-ball, very little is actually shot, as players’ turns keep getting interrupted by drunken rage, scatalogical jokes, and bro-bonding. Most of the movie feels more like a play, with the five characters joshing and jostling for space in the single barroom. There are peaks of entertaining or dramatic dialogue, but they are undercut by the annoying narrative technique in which ghosts of the characters cut between past and present or hover in the scenes’ backgrounds.
Special thanks to director Victor Bevine and producer Rich Grasso for their interviews.
9 Ball(2012)
The grand poobah of nineball-named movies, or at least the most well-known, is this APA-sponsored, Jennifer Barretta-starring film, with special appearances by Jeanette Lee and Allison Fisher. The movie broke ground for casting a professional player (Baretta) as the main character, rather than in a supporting role to assist with the technical shots. It also focused on a female protagonist, which is a genre rarity. And, not surprisingly but most unusually, 9 Ball sought to portray pool as a professional sport. The actual movie was rather polarizing for audiences. In my original review, I rated it meh but acknowledged its obvious love and respect for the sport of billiards.
9 Ball (2012)
Directed by Isabel Logroño Carrascosa, this unimaginative Spanish short film is instantly forgettable. The movie revolves around a trio of characters, who are involved in an insipid game of 9 ball, while they seek to double cross one another. I don’t know what was a bigger distraction: the hair metal t-shirts the two players sported or their infuriating inability to make more than two shots in a row. The film is available to watch here.
9-Ball (2015)
A life of decadence. The ultimate price to pay for those sins. A game of 9-ball to decide it all. Blah, blah, blah…yeesh, that sounds like trope overload. Nonetheless, I’ve been searching for this Australian short film on-and-off for close to three years. I even successfully connected with the director, Darwin Brooks, in 2020, who committed to tracking down a copy for me. But, his email is no longer active, nor is BMC Productions, the company behind the film. This movie is officially WANTED. If you have any information on it, please contact me.
Nine-Ball (2004)
Stretching across 20 episodes, the Taiwanese television series Nine-Ball (aka Billiard Boy) focuses on You Li, a country boy / billiards hustler, who falls in love with a girl on the internet, thereby provoking the rage of her jealous ex, Kuai Da. Kuai Da happens to work for Shao Shi Enterprise, a company that has a reputation in acquiring pool halls using violence. Not surprisingly, Kuai Da seeks to leverage his commercial power to destroy You Li and the things he loves. Resentment, bad mojo, and lots of billiards ensues, but unfortunately, I’ve seen none of it because I can’t locate the series. The only discoverable relic is a music video for the series’ theme song, “I’m Not A Hero,” by David Chen. This series is officially WANTED. If you have any information on it, please contact me.
Nineball (2007)
Why does the film’s narrator, a self-described “billiards junkie,” cover his face with a rag and get called a “monster” by the local children? Why does he use his spoon as a cue stick to pocket raw potatoes? And, why does he introduce us to a crew of 9-ball players who compensate for their missing arms by using other parts of their bodies (or others’ bodies) to support their cue strokes?
Ricky Aragon’s hilarious, crude, and jarring 14-minute film rapid-fires the questions, continuously disorienting the viewer with ever-changing music and characters. For a moment, we’re doing mathematics with billiards balls. Then, our narrator is at the 2006 Phillipines World Championship, having a Forrest Gump moment, as he appears behind winner Ronato Alcano or takes a selfie with referee Michaela Tabb. Then, it’s on to the narrator’s true love, Donita, the girl with the “billiard boobs.”
What is going on? Hold tight. It all resolves with a 9-ball match, where our narrator’s puerile attempts to distract his opponent cause a freak accident – a lodging of the nineball in the narrator’s nose. He is a victim of his own obsession, deformed by his passion. Yet, the film’s true punchline comes in the final 30 seconds. As the befuddled doctor struggles to select a tool that might remove the ball, a cue stick magically descends from above. It is the narrator’s hero and savior – (the very real) Efren “The Magician” Bayes, who shoots the nine, grossly dislodging the ball, along with the surrounding nasal gelatinous membrane. It lands on a billiards table with a thud, but no one stops. The grotesque ball becomes part of the game’s action, proving there is nothing that can interfere with the indefatigable relationship between billiards and Filipinos.
A special thank you to director Enrico “Ricky” Aragon and the Cinemalaya Foundation, which secured a copy of the film for me to watch.
Nine-Ball (2008)
This Swedish short film is very unlike the others in this group. Directed by Nikolina Gillgren, the movie is about neuropsychiatric disorders, such as ADHD, Asperger’s and Tourette’s Syndrome, and how people who have these disorders, like the film’s lead character David, struggle with social dysfunctional behavior and social exclusion. A pool hall, and some awkward games, provides the milieu for discussing the fear, loneliness, and the discomfort that comes from social exclusion. My full review of Nine-Ball is here.
Ride the 9 (defunct)
Fingers were crossed, wood was knocked on, and stray eyelashes were wished upon that Ride the 9 would make it to the silver screen. Blake West and Jordan Marder first started teasing YouTube audiences in 2011 with a trailer (seen below) for this billiards movie that sported a Guy Ritchie vibe, a killer soundtrack, gritty New Orleans set locations, and jaw-dropping trick shots courtesy of Florian “Venom” Kohler. While there were many fits and stops, as late as 2016, hopes were still high that the film would find funding and get made. But, unfortunately, this one rode the 9 to the cinematic graveyard. My original write-up on Ride the 9, based on interviews with Mr. West and Mr. Marder, is here.
Behind the Nine(2003)
A great cruelty of the industry is that Ride the 9 could not get made, but Behind the Nine found its way into home theaters. This suffocating, molasses-paced film focuses on an underground two-week, 9-ball tournament that pays $500,000 to the winner and $500,000 to the organizer, who puts on the tournament to “make ends meet.” The movie collapses under the weight of terrible acting; a boring and distasteful script riddled with racist and homophobic language; unimaginative cinematography and direction; and – the coup de grâce – a preposterous and stultifying approach to billiards. My full review of Behind the Nine is here.
Someone once said, “In 9-ball, the only thing harder than the shot is trying to hide your smile when you sink it.” That may be true, but it seems equally difficult to come up with a movie title that does not call out the nine. Maybe change the focus to 8-ball? Oh wait, that’s not a good idea either…
Here’s the good news: aside from the similar title, there’s no confusing the low-budget, quasi-billiards movie Extraction, USA with the $65 million Chris Hemsworth one-man-army action movie Extraction. In fact, the sum of the “action” in Extraction USA is a man getting beaned in the head with a billiard ball. 
Then, along comes Steph, a platinum-haired gypsy, whose sojourn somehow has led her to the Time Out Lounge in middle-of-nowhere Extraction, and it’s love at first break. The chemistry dials up to 11 quickly, and pretty soon our sapphic duo are living together, telling lies to Marni’s uber-gullible son, sneaking into deep-pocket pool games, and eventually planning a heist to steal some drugs that “are like rocket fuel for the mucks” to get them to work harder.
Rather, it’s the film’s desire to be a little of everything that ultimately turns it into a mishmash of nothing. Per the makers, “On one level the film is about crime and action, but if you look a little deeper, it says some interesting things about income inequality, the environment, and men and women in the workplace.” 
