What do you get when you pair a Penthouse Pet of the Month with billiards? Hopefully, if you’re Spike TV, lots of engaged late-night viewers. That was the intent behind Bikini Pool Shark, a televised series consisting of one-minute videos that ran for 12 weeks on Spike, beginning in late November 2006.

Featuring Penthouse model Krista Ayne, who was a contender for Pet of the Year in 2007, each sexually-titled episode of Bikini Pool Shark adhered to same structure that titillated viewers with 60 seconds of tongue-in-cheek instruction on how to make a specific trick shot.

Each episode begins with Ms. Ayne, wearing either a bikini or Daisy Dukes, writhing a bit on camera, before addressing the audience with the opener, “Hey guys, let’s break some balls.” A quick montage of Ms. Ayne in various vampish poses is then followed by her announcing that particular show’s trick shot with its suggestive title: “I’m going to show you how to Slip One In.”

In the next 15 seconds, Ms. Ayne explains the specific trick shot using a barrage of sexual puns. For example, in the Slip One In episode below, she shares how she plans to “take care of four balls in one shot…the first three are pretty easy. But the last one is going to be a tight squeeze. Sometimes you need just a little curve to slip it right in.” Then, with the signature Bikini Pool Shark guitar riff looping, Ms. Ayne takes the shot, which is then shown again (and again) from different angles and at different speeds.   The episode wraps with Ms. Ayne’s sultry send-off, “I’ll show you game if you show me yours.”

The sexual double-entendres, puerile obsession with Ms. Ayne’s bodacious figure, and juvenile titles were all part of the adult themed, yet still whimsical, personality that Spike TV was cultivating in the mid-2000s. The station had a few years earlier pivoted to more adult-oriented programming, embracing its reputation as the “First Network for Men.” Thus, it’s perfectly fitting that some of the Bikini Pool Shark episodes included:

• Running the Train – a trick shot involving a four rail carom of a trapped cue that runs up two cue sticks, rolls down two others, and sinks the 8-ball.
• Blue Ball Special – a jump shot that yields the zinger, “Sometimes a big stick just isn’t the right tool for the job.”
• Splits – “For this shot, I pulled out my huge rack and I get to use two sticks at once.”
• Bottoms Up – a pool prop novelty shot in which a beer glass is curved around balls to knock in the 9-ball

Carnal witticisms aside, Bikini Pool Shark does feature a number of very cool pool shots. All the shots were designed (and some were certainly made) by trick shot champion Andy “The Magic Man” Segal, who also served as the billiards technical advisor for the Woody Allen film Sweet & Lowdown and a number of billiards commercials (AT&T, All detergent). He explains (in more detail than Ms. Ayne provides) a number of the shots from Bikini Pool Shark on the how-to MonkeySee website.

Arguably, there is reason to criticize Bikini Pool Shark as a flagrant example of the objectification of women, and in a similar vein, a disparagement of women billiards players. Such censure is not without merit. But, I would counter that the promotional vehicle Rack Starz, which featured a dozen professional female billiards players in a variety of navel-bearing, cleavage-gazing, outfits and marketed them via the tagline, “Brains, Beauty, and an Amazing RACK,” was a far more egregious offender.

Bikini Pool Shark, for all its curves and gags, did not take itself seriously, and knew its audience, which was almost half (45%) women, did not either. Other than supporting the career of Ms. Ayne, who later appeared on the November 2008 cover of Rolling Stone with Kid Rock, Biking Pool Shark made little dent in the billiards universe, for better or worse.

Now, maybe I’ll go practice my Money Shot one more time.