Tag Archives: billiards movies

Lovejoy – “The Colour of Mary”

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When historians chronicle the origins of billiards, they frequently cite Mary, Queen of Scots, as one of the sport’s earliest and most famous enthusiasts.

Colour of Mary

Painting of Mary, Queen of Scots, by Nicholas Hilliard. The painting resides at the National Portrait Gallery in London.

Mary ruled over Scotland for almost 25 years in the mid-16th century. When she claimed she was the legitimate heir to the throne of England, the current queen, Elizabeth I, had her confined to various castles.  One of the last prisons for Mary was Tutbury Castle, where she was moved to in 1585.  Under the guardianship of the Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster, she was treated kindly and was granted her request to have a billiards table on the premises.

However, her time at Tutbury was short-lived.  She was subsequently moved to Fotheringay Castle, without her billiards table.  There, she was found guilty of plotting to assassinate Elizabeth and was beheaded in 1587. According to reports from her lady-in-waiting, her headless body was wrapped in the cloth from the billiards table.

Now, fast-forward about 400 years.  Charlie Gimbert, a sleazy antiques dealer, has inherited the management of fallen snooker champion Murray McNally, who insists his game depends on the procurement of Mary, Queen of Scots’ billiards table.  To find the table, Gimbert contracts Lovejoy, a rougish dealer, and sics him on the impossible fool’s errand with a promise of a big payoff if he successfully secures the trophy.

Colour of MaryWell, that’s at least the premise of “The Colour of Mary” episode of the British comedy-drama series Lovejoy.  First aired in 1986, Lovejoy follows the antique-hunting adventures of the eponymous Lovejoy (Ian McShane).  The series had a five-year gap between its first and second seasons, which is why this particular episode aired in January, 1993, during the fourth season.

“The Colour of Mary,” with an obvious cultural nod to The Color of Money, begins with Lovejoy’s well-intended pursuit of the mythical table. Unfortunately, after connecting with antique historians and visiting the famed Fotheringay Castle, it becomes clear to Lovejoy that the table no longer exists, most likely incinerated hundreds of years ago along with all of Mary’s possessions.

Expecting that neither Gimbert (Malcom Tierney) nor McNally (Alex Norton) know the table’s true history, Lovejoy proceeds to create a forgery, using some early baize and nailing it to an Elizabethan table.  The table is put up for auction by an estate, and Gimbert buys it for £15,000 with the intent of showing it to McNally.  But, surprise, surprise, McNally was acting in his own ruse, and upon seeing the table, proceeds to demolish it, citing his militant preference for snooker over billiards.

This curious coda seems intent on fanning the flames of a ‘snooker versus billiards’ rivalry, but I strongly question whether such a dogfight exists.  More to the point, any player that would take an axe to an antique billiards table is truly not deserving of his cue stick.

“The Colour of Mary” also include an exhibition snooker match with real world snooker champion Dennis Taylor, but his presence does little to save this rather uneven episode.

The full episode is available for purchase on YouTube.

The Billiard Ball

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As portrayed in contemporary pop culture, billiards has become surprisingly lowbrow; a game primarily associated with smoke-filled pool halls, barroom brawls, garish intimacy, and/or fast con trick shots.  The irony, of course, is that billiards was once entertainment strictly for the gentry, popularized by royalty, such as King Louis XI of France, who introduced the first indoor billiards table.

The Billiard BallIn literature, the cultivated origins are equally evident, certainly ever since Shakespeare wrote “let’s to billiards” in Antony and Cleopatra (1606). Mark Twain, Charles Dickens, and Lewis Carroll are just some of the canonical authors who appreciated and fervently played the sport.  Rudyard Kipling, author of The Jungle Book, wrote about billiards in his tale, “My Own True Ghost Story” (1888).  So, too, did Italo Calvino in “Le Joueur de Billiard,” (1956); Winnie-the-Pooh creator A.A. Milne in “A Billiard Lesson,” (1914); and Wallace Stegner in “The Blue Winged Teale” (1950).

One of the most notable billiards-themed short stories is “The Billiard Ball,” penned in 1966 by Isaac Asimov, the Hugo Award winning science fiction author, who wrote or edited more than 500 books, including I, Robot, which was made into a movie starring Will Smith. “The Billiard Ball” appeared in his 1968 collection Asimov’s Mysteries.

In “The Billiard Ball,” a journalist recounts the events leading up to the discovery of an anti-gravity device in the mid-21st century.  The device results from the efforts and rivalry between billionaire Edward Bloom, who invented the device, and Nobel Prize winning physicist and Professor James Priss, who discovered the theories underlying the device.

Throughout the story, the two men successfully put their differences on hold by competing in friendly games of pool. However, as tensions mount regarding the feasibility of achieving anti-gravity, Bloom opts to prove the success of the device by staging a public challenge on a billiards table.  Specifically, he dares Priss to shoot a ball toward the center of a billiards table, where it will enter a zero-gravity field, thereby eliminating mass.  Priss takes the shot, sending the ball caroming into the field. But when the ball enters the device’s field, the ball vanishes and Bloom instantly collapses dead with a mysterious hole drilled through his chest, begging the question: Did Priss intentionally murder Bloom?

So what does any of this have to do with movies?

As it happens, in 2013, Chelzea Hendrus and Tyler Johnson, two students at the University of Akron, created a 7-minute claymation adaptation of “The Billiard Ball” for their Extreme Physics (Physics Theatre) class.  The film, aptly titled The Billiard Ball, is available to watch here.

The characters’ names are changed (e.g., Professor Priss becomes Professor Higgs) and the film interweaves a lot of physics mumbo-jumbo not covered in the original story, but otherwise it’s an abridged version of the same famous Asimov tale, right down to the fatal, head-scratching carom shot. And the use of Mozart’s “Piano Concerto No. 21 in C major, K467 Andante” gives the film an appropriately foreboding feeling, even for watching two clay figures interact.

Lemon Tree Billiards HouseNow, does this signal a cultural shift for pool? A billiards literature renaissance? Will Leo Tolstoy’s “Recollections of a Billiard Maker” (1855) make it to the silver screen, just as his 864-page opus Anna Karenina did in 1987?  Given The Billiard Ball only has 310 views, probably not.

But, the notion of sourcing future billiards movies from literature is not as far-fetched as it may sound.  After all, the two most famous billiards movies – The Hustler and The Color of Money – were both adapted from novels written by Walter Tevis, as was the short billiards film The Lemon Tree Billiards House, which was based on a shorty story by Cedric Yamanaka. So, if Hollywood is looking to procure new material, there is a catalog of classic billiards stories awaiting perusal.

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A special thanks to my colleague René G., who first turned me on to Asimov’s story, as well as many of the other great works referenced in this blog post.

Top 15 #FakeBilliardsMovie

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In honor of my 150th blog post, I must turn my attention to the less honorable, seldom discussed, near-underground genre of #FakeBilliardsMovie. Yes, these are the films that peddle in billiards imagery and idiom – pool tables, eight-balls, cue sticks, green baize – to lure in viewers, yet upon closer inspection, have little to nothing to do with the sport. The egregious members of this sinister club are movies that reveal a blatant disrespect for billiards, seizing upon the popular appeal of pool to bamboozle the unsuspecting cinephile.

#NotABilliardsMovieOn occasion, the storyline gives a fleeting nod to billiards, perhaps featuring a lone pool table as part of a billiards bar backdrop. Such is the case with Kevin Spacey’s 1996 directorial debut Albino Alligator, in which a New Orleans bar, pool table and all, provide the venue for a foiled robbery attempt.  But, far more often, the billiards is simply a siren’s call, a cinematic fool’s errand that leaves the viewer despondent and depressed.  To help rid Hollywood of this subterfuge, I present to you my meticulously researched list of the Top 15 #FakeBilliardsMovie movies, with each malefactor representing a decade of blog posts.  Let the countdown begin (and note that all summaries are courtesy of IMDB).

  1. #NotABilliardsMovieSignage. In 2007, Rick Hammerly directed this 12-minute short film in which a receding hairline, the beginning of crow’s feet and a chance encounter with a young deaf man force the protagonist to confront getting older in today’s youth-conscious world. The poster proclaims, “When life calls the last shot,” while showing the bottom left corner of a pool table, but the game is a ruse, largely irrelevant to the film. #FakeBilliardsMovie

 

  1. #NotABilliardsMovieDestiny Stalled. When I first saw the poster to this short film from 2000, I was so keen to watch it that I reached out to the director Susan Johnson because the movie was unobtainable online. Ms. Johnson kindly sent me a password to watch the movie on a private video hosting platform. It’s a touching film about the connection forged between a man and boy at a hospital. But whereas the poster would suggest that billiards is critical to their interplay, the irritating truth is that pool is a transitory thread. #FakeBilliardsMovie
  1. #NotABilliardsMovieAngels with Dirty Faces. Good versus evil. The priest versus the gangster. Father Connolly versus Rocky Sullivan in a fight over the fate of a group of ‘dead end kids.’  Michael Curtiz’ 1938 drama sizzled on the screen, with James Cagney starring in an Oscar-nominated role as the magnetic local crime boss. So, what’s with the pool hall as the fateful setting for the head-to-head confrontation? Yes, our gang of street urchins frequent a pool hall, but this poster is a cheap shot, ya dirty rat. #FakeBilliardsMovie
  1. #NotABilliardsMovieBehind the Eight Ball. At times compared to the Marx Brothers, the Ritz Brothers (Jimmy, Harry, and Al) were an American comedy team making movies since the early 1930s. But, in 1942, they crossed the line with the musical comedy Behind the Eight Ball, which had the members of a summer theater group getting mixed up with spies and murder. The film featured a bullet-shooting clarinet, but the poster was cue stick crookery. #FakeBilliardsMovie

 

  1. #NotABilliardsMovie#NotABilliardsMovie8-Ball and 8-Ball. Given the plethora of authentic billiards movies unoriginally named “8-Ball,” it’s borderline criminal that these two foreign films felt compelled to exploit the popular term for no reason remotely related to the sport. The 2013 Finnish film, originally titled 8-Pallo, is about a single mother who, having just been released from prison, is trying to start her life anew. And the 2012 short film from Argentina is about about a man having a personal crisis who seeks solitude in a park, when a passing stranger named 8-Ball takes an unwelcome interest in him. Really? Couldn’t the stranger have been named Agapito or Hecmir? #FakeBilliardsMovie
  1. #NotABilliardsMovieBelle Speranze. Visual skullduggery hit a new nadir when director Mike Leigh’s 1988 film High Hopes was released at the Venice Film Festival as Belle Speranze. Somehow, this “slice-of-life look at a sweet working class couple in London, Shirley and Cyril, his mother, who’s aging quickly and becoming forgetful, mum’s ghastly upper-middle-class neighbors, and Cyril’s pretention sister and philandering husband” became about playing billiards in dimly-lit pub halls. As boring as the American movie poster is for this film, at least it’s honest. #FakeBilliardsMovie

 

  1. #NotABilliardsMovieBehind the 8 Ball (series). Also known as the So You Want… series, this collection of 63 black-and-white live action short films, released between 1942 and 1956, all starred Joe McDoakes as the protagonist. Each film humorously addressed an everyday problem (e.g., So You Want to be in Politics; So Your Wife Wants to Work; So You Want to be a Cowboy). But, no mirth could be found in the prominence of the large 8-ball that features repeatedly in the opening credits of each short. #FakeBilliardsMovie
  1. #NotABilliardsMovieQuarterlifers. Adam Fortner directed this 2011 drama about “four lifelong friends who are each struggling to learn what’s important in their lives through crazy, heart-warming, and hilarious situations.” OK, I guess with a plotline that insipid, I too might opt to bait a larger audience by featuring pool in the movie poster.  At least one of the four amigos buys a local billiards bar and tries to operate it.  It’s a start. #FakeBilliardsMovie
  1. #NotABilliardsMovieBlue Velvet. As much as I enjoyed David Lynch’s discomforting 1984 film, I’m disturbed that the movie’s Italian poster, illustrated by prolific movie poster designer (i.e., 3000+ movie posters) Enzo Sciotti, not only references a rape scene that does not exist in the film (although it is rumored the scene was shot), but trades on the visual iconography of the pool table (which is used in the movie when Frank beats a man senseless on the table while topless girls surround him) to create one of the most repugnant billiards images in cinema. And – again – the scene never even happened! #FakeBilliardsMovie
  1. #NotABilliardsMovieCarambolages. This 1963 French film from director Marcel Bluwal translates to “carom shots.” As if the cue stick in the top left corner was not sufficiently specious, then certainly the title’s translation into one of the most common strokes in billiards is an act of lexical jugglery, for this comédie noire is about climbing the corporate ladder, not banking in billiards. #FakeBilliardsMovie

 

 

  1. #NotABilliardsMovie8 Ball Bunny. Look, I love the gray hare trickster as much as anyone, but there is no reason this 7-minute animation from 1950 needs to capitalize on billiards fandom with this inane image of a penguin sitting on an 8-ball. According to IMDB, in this short “Bugs helps a penguin go home via New Orleans, Martinique, the Panama Canal and finally the South Pole. But the penguin’s home is in New Jersey.” Maybe if the penguin is a metaphor for New Jersey-born Billiard Congress of America Hall of Fame inductee Allen Hopkins, I could buy it.  Otherwise, this cunicular con needs to come clean. #FakeBilliardsMovie
  1. #NotABilliardsMovieRaja Natwarlal. The poster for this 2014 Bollywood drama, directed by Kunal Deshmukh, shows an attractive couple leaning on a pool table, but the film is actually about a small-time con man seeking assistance form his mentor with the intention of settling scores with a gangster. Apparently, the culprit for this visual deceit is prolific movie poster creator Bharat Devaliya. Shame, shame. #FakeBilliardsMovie

 

 

  1. #NotABilliardsMovieEight Ball. Rick Argall directed this 1991 Australian deception that not only traffics in eight-ball imagery and nomenclature, but also repurposes the sport’s argot with the tagline, “In life the trick is to get an even break.” Pity the uninformed viewer who expects some billiards bravado. This film is about a self-absorbed architect who befriends an ex-convict as they work on building a tourist attraction designed to resemble a huge fish. #FakeBilliardsMovie

 

  1. #NotABilliardsMovieMuzi v Nadeji. This 2011 Czech film (translated as Men in Hope) from director Jiri Vejdelek includes one of the most popular (and #NSFW) billiards scenes on the internet. Thousands of people have watched and shared it, likely with little knowledge of its origin. Indeed, the scene is the basis for the movie’s poster, which exploits the intended viewer’s love of both billiards and beautiful, buxom women. Yet, aside from the one scene, this two-hour comedic romance shows no interest in billiards. #FakeBilliardsMovie
  1. #NotABilliardsMovieNine Ball Diaries. Of all the #FakeBilliardsMovie transgressors, the top dog is this 2008 documentary on – wait for it – cyclocross, an extreme form of bicycling. Aside from the indignity that the film relies entirely on the softly haloed image of a 9-ball (and includes said ball in its title), the poster simultaneously snubs its own subject, as if to fatuously assume that cyclocross is well-understood.   And, lets’ face it, with the exception of Breaking Away, the bicycle-movie genre could probably use some good PR.

I hope this list has raised your mercury level a bit.  This sort of affront requires action. Perhaps, you’ll consider a boycott, or a hunger strike. Maybe join a sit-in or march to Hollywood to draw attention to #FakeBilliardsMovie.  Of course, if other domestic and global issues seem more important (which is remotely possible), then I encourage you to sit back down on the couch, grab a beer and some popcorn, and watch any of the 200+ legitimate billiards movies, short films, and television episodes I’ve cataloged.

Fresh Off the Boat – “Keep ‘Em Separated”

In my previous blog post, on the 2014 movie Second Chance, I highlighted that it was the first film to originate from Taiwan focused on billiards, which was ironic, given nearly 10% of the Taiwanese population plays billiards, second only to baseball in sports popularity.

Fresh Off the BoatFor this reason then, it’s hardly surprising that the ABC sitcom Fresh Off the Boat, about a Taiwanese family’s journey from Washington DC’s Chinatown to Orlando, Florida, prominently featured billiards in its March 2016 Season 2 episode, “Keep ‘Em Separated.”

Fresh Off the Boat, now in its third season, is the first American sitcom in more than 20 years to prominently feature an Asian-American family on a major network during a primetime slot. Starring Randall Park as Louis Huang and the comically sharp Constance Wu as his wife Jessica, the show highlights daily life as the family opens a cowboy-themed steak restaurant in 1995.

In “Keep ‘Em Separated,” the premise is that Louis now has a lot of free time because he’s no longer personally responsible for closing the restaurant. That’s creating a lot of tension on the home front, since Louis is continually interrupting Jessica’s ‘girl time’ with her next door BFF Honey.  Deciding that he should get back into pool, Jessica surprises her husband by unveiling his retired now re-tipped cue stick, Black Ball Betty, which Louis explains is “not a bo staff [but] a different kind of weapon…a two piece low deflection maple staff pool cue.”

Emboldened by the reunion with Black Ball Betty, Louis – aka Louis Short Pocket – heads over to the Cue Tips Pool Hall, where he has a great night: “Cheap beer, non-stop [George] Thorogood on the jukebox, the smell of Camel Lights and desperation.” This pleases Jessica silly, until she learns that Louis’ billiards partner is a woman named Toni.

Fresh Off the BoatThe introduction of Toni (Angelique Cabral) provides the episode’s funniest moments.  Entering Cue Tips to the sound of Alannah Myles’ “Black Velvet,” a “song that can make everything sexy,” Toni struts out in stiletto heels, skin-tight black jeans, and a spaghetti strap top, then delicately blows billows of red chalk dust into the air from the tip of her cue stick.

Jessica, who subscribes to the When Harry Met Sally school of thought that men and women cannot be friends, immediately interrogates Toni, with both needle-sharp questions (“Why did your parents name you Toni?  It’s a man’s name.”) and over-the-top comments (“You have no power here, witch…you heard me, demon.”)

The madcap situation continues when Jessica insists that Louis drop Toni and make her his partner instead.  Expectations run high as Jessica then enters the pool hall to ZZ Top’s “La Grange” in red heels, black leather pants, and wind (?!) blowing her hair.  But, the fantasy quickly crash lands back on Planet Earth, with Jessica swapping the heels for Keds, missing simple shots, and using all the quarters on the table to put Amy Grant on repeat on the jukebox. She laments, “Pool is so boring, there is so much standing around…it’s worse than baseball.”

The episode comes to closure as Jessica ultimately concedes she doesn’t want to be a “wet blanket wife” and realizes that Louis will have far more fun shooting with someone who can play.  That said, she still insists, “no touching and always show the wedding ring.”

Unfortunately, while “Keep ‘Em Separated” provides its share of good laughs, it is completely lacking in good pool.  Admittedly, I was hopeful, as I first learned about the existence of this episode from Trickshot Tim Chin, who was the billiards technical advisor during filming.   But, as Tim posted in his December 2015 blog:

It came together real fast with the director calling me the week beforehand and I was glad I wasn’t busy. I got to coach Randall Park, who plays Louis Huang, and Angelique Cabral, who plays Tony, on how to look like a pool player. Unfortunately, the team didn’t really put my trick shot skills to great use due to the time constraints of filming, but the actors did quite well on their own and improved tremendously in the short time I had with them.[1]

The Fresh Off the Boat “Keep ‘Em Separated” episode is available to purchase through YouTube.

[1]      http://www.trickshottim.com/learn/trick-shot-tim-pool-ta/

 

Second Chance

Allison Fisher.  Pan Xiaoting. Kim Ga-Young. Kelly Fisher. Jennifer Barretta.  Chieh-Yu Chou. Jasmin Ouschan. Cha Yu-ram.  All in one movie? The last time so many billiards pros appeared in a single film was probably 1980 for Robert Ellis Miller’s The Baltimore Bullet.

Second ChanceBut, this is no Baltimore Bullet.  The all-star packed film is Second Chance, formerly known as Nine Ball, as well as A Girl Got Her Cue. And that octet of billiards legends is not even the film’s biggest celebrity draw – it’s Wen Shang-Yi (aka the guitarist “Monster” from the Taiwanese mega-watt rock band Mayday – once dubbed the “Chinese Beatles”[1]) in the lead role as Hsieh Shuang-Fong.

I first heard and wrote about Second Chance in April 2014, when I added it to my “Wanted!” list of movies, since there was little information available on the film.  Over time, details emerged about the film, largely in Asian press, including eventually a trailer and music video, in preparation for the film’s release in Taiwan in November 2014. Originally titled Ni zhuan sheng, the film adopted the English title Second Chance as it moved across the globe in early 2015. Finally, late last year, the film became available on DVD (with English subtitles) thanks to its distributor Edko Films. You can buy it here.

Second ChanceThe movie begins with Shuang-Fong, a washed-up, drunk, former billiards champion, who now scrapes by selling Rice Wine Stew Chicken, drawn out of his decade-long retirement by his niece Hsieh Jen-hsiang (Peijia Huang). She recently lost her parents, one of whom was Shuang-Fong’s elder brother, in an auto accident.  Lacking a proper guardian, Jen-hsiang is at risk of being sent to a foster home, as well as losing her family billiards hall, Champion Billiards, to Hsu Che-yung (Jason Wang), a loan shark, and the reigning world men’s 9-ball champion.

Like Rocky Balboa begrudgingly coming out of retirement to train Apollo’s son in Creed, or more to the genre’s point, like Fast Eddie Felson training the cocky Vincent Lauria in The Color of Money, the besotted Shuang-Fong is initially reluctant to get involved with his niece’s life.  But, sensing the headstrong schoolgirl will stop at nothing, including gambling in pool, to save the family pool hall, he ultimately relents.

Second ChanceAt first, he merely observes her playing style: “The shot is too weak…the wrist is too stiff…precision is high, good control over the balls…attack but no defense – too ambitious…bad at long straight shots.” Predictably, such perceptions soon translate into a billiards practice regiment, complete with solving jigsaw puzzles under time constraints (to build concentration), shooting a cue ball narrowly between two glasses (to increase accuracy), and taking early-morning jogs (to build endurance and strength). The over-familiar practice montage (cf. Rocky; The Karate Kid) is absurdly hokey, yet nonetheless enjoyable, particularly when powered by Monster’s cover of Roxette’s 1989 song “The Look” with Taiwanese pop stars Luantan Ascent and Jia Jia on vocals.  (Though this song does wear out its welcome after excessive use in the film.)

Even for non-billiards enthusiasts, the movie hits its groove when Jen-hsiang is on the baize. Some exciting playing occurs when she is vanquishing amateur opponents, but the best play comes once she decides the only way to save her pool hall is to compete in the New Century Women’s 9- Ball Championship for the multi-million dollar prize (cf. The Baron and the Kid; Kiss Shot).

Second ChanceIt’s at this point, more than halfway through Second Chance, when our billiards stars appear, entering the tournament hall in file form to the deafening sound of their names and nicknames:  The Duchess of Doom. Kwikfire. The Queen of 9-Ball. Little Devil Girl, etc. And in the caboose position, the hitherto unknown Jen-hsiang.

Once again, cue “The Look.”

In rapid order, Jen-hsiang beats her first opponent, Jasmin Ouschan, the World Games 2005 gold medal winner, and her second and third opponents, Kim Ga-Young and Kelly Fisher respectively, both women’s WPA world 9-ball champions. Bewilderingly, very little of the games are shown, so it’s hard to appreciate these miraculous upsets.

In the semi-finals, Jen-hsiang competes against Chieh-Yu Chou, winner of the 2012 Amway Cup. There is, at last, a decent amount of billiards play, including a fine masse shot, and after a near snookering, a great jump shot 2/9 combination to win.

That leaves her to play the final match against China’s Pan Xiaoting, the 2007 women’s WPA world 9-ball champion.  Director Wen Yen Kung heightens the tension in this match through a mix of slow-motion, rapid editing and amplified sounds (of balls connecting, falling in pockets), as well as numerous dazzling combinations, masses, and jump shots.

Second ChanceIt’s hardly a SPOILER ALERT to share that Xiaoting wins the match 9:8, dashing Jen-hsiang’s plan to retain control of Champion Billiards.  And that’s because the movie opened with Shuang-Fong preparing for a match, before flashing back nine months.  So, that loose end still dangling, the audience knows that the real fate will be decided in this final match, which I won’t reveal here.

As one reviewer correctly noted, “Second Chance is hardly going to win points for originality…It’s a film that plays by the rules – you’ll recognize the same moves we’ve all seen a million times.”[2] But, it’s also a movie that goes down easily, fusing its positive themes of redemption and family with a geek chic passion and well-trained visual eye for billiards and its beauty.

[1]       http://www.cnbc.com/2014/03/19/he-chinese-beatles.html

[2]       http://www.easternkicks.com/reviews/second-chance

By the Baize

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Arnab Sengupta, the star of the November 2015 Indian short film, By the Baize, proudly exclaimed that the film was “the first movie of any kind based on snooker to come out of India.”[1]

By the BaizeIndia makes more movies than any other country – about 1,500 to 2,000 annually.[2] And, as with American cinema, sports play a fundamental thematic role in those films, whether it’s cricket (Azhar; Sachin, etc.), rugby (Sye), auto racing (Ta Ra Rum Pum), basketball (Vallinam), swimming (Koni), running (Bhaag Milkha Bhaagi), field hockey (Chak De! India), wrestling (Dangal), boxing (Irudhi Suttru), or the local contact sport of kabaddi (Kabaddi Once Again).

But, Mr. Sengupta was not kidding. In fact, aside from the 1971 documentary biopic Wilson Jones about one of the greatest Indian billiards legends, there is a near pan-cinematic absence of billiards (and/or snooker) across all genres and formats of Indian film, excluding the very rare cameo, such as in the 1985 Bollywood film Sauda.

Perhaps, the conspicuous void is because of India’s somewhat bumpy history with the sport.  As billiards historians know well, snooker can trace its origin to the the city of Jabalpur in the state of Madhya Pradesh, India.  British armed forces began playing the game there around 1876.  But, as acknowledged by the Billiards and Snooker Federation of India (BSFI), the central authority overseeing the growth and development of cue sports in India, snooker (and cue sports more broadly) has struggled to gain acceptance due to the popular notion that the game is elitist and not meant for common people.

The irony of this perception is that the country has produced a number of billiards powerhouses, including Michael Ferreira, Ashok Shandilya, Geet Sethi, and the aforementioned Wilson Jones. More recently, “The Prince of India” Pankaj Advani has electrified the sport, holding the World, Asian, and Indian National Championship titles simultaneously, in three different years: 2005, 2008 and 2012.  And while Mr. Advani has seesawed between billiards and snooker (“billiards is my wife and snooker [is my] mistress”[3]), Aditya Mehta has emerged as India’s international face and standard-bearer of snooker.[4]

All of which brings us back to By the Baize, the five-minute film, directed and written by Debapriya Sengupta and produced by her company Kairos Productions. Released at the Delhi Shorts International Film Festival and winning multiple Indian film awards, By the Baize tells the fictional story of a young boy, Ricky Sharma, watching his father compete in the World Snooker Championship.  Believing his father could never lose, tragedy strikes.  Sixteen years later, an adult Ricky (Arnab Sengupta) now has the chance to put the accident behind him and honor his father by winning the same Championship. The full film is available to watch here.

Relying on the narrator’s voice-over and the interweaving of the musical composition “Time for Chopin” by Belford Hernandez, the film’s opening has an elegiac, albeit somewhat maudlin, tone as we watch the father (played by former professional snooker player Lucky Vatnani) compete in his final match.  (For snooker enthusiasts, it’s hard not to smile during the scene, as we know the father’s opponent is of course Peter Ebdon, the renowned world snooker champion with more than 350 century breaks to his name.)

Fast-forward sixteen years and Ricky steps into the “world [he] remembers” to compete in the finals (against snooker pro Cao Yupeng from China), though we continue to toggle back in time through flashbacks and the ongoing use of “Time for Chopin.” This time, Ricky is victorious.

And so too, to a moderate degree, is By the Baize. Like a poignant haiku, the film is an ode to snooker, nothing more and nothing less.  To paraphrase Ricky’s final words:  Today, this game matters.

[1]   https://www.snookerisland.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=25&t=6549

[2]   http://www.forbes.com/sites/robcain/2015/10/23/indias-film-industry-a-10-billion-business-trapped-in-a-2-billion-body/#75a91d6b1005

[3]   http://www.deccanchronicle.com/140227/sports-other-sports/article/pankaj-advani-return-his-first-love-billiards-after-pro-season

[4]   http://www.inside-snooker.com/snooker/2015/3/11/mehta-still-the-standard-bearer-for-india

Mystery Diners – “Behind the Eight Ball”

Based on posted reviews and garnered awards, you would be mighty foolish to visit Portland, Oregon, and not spend an evening dining and playing pool at the Uptown Billiards Club, located in the city’s Pearl District.  The upscale restaurant-cum-pool-hall is rated 4.8 (out of 5) on Open Table, 4.6 (out of 5) on Facebook, and 4 (out of 5) on Yelp, and it has been recognized as a Top 100 “Fit For Foodies” restaurant, as well as a Top 10 restaurant in the Pearl District.  Have you seen the Big Daddy Burger or the signature Bacon, Pear & Fontina Pizza?  They look absolutely sumptuous, and don’t even get me started on the “themed” five course tasting menu…

Mystery DinersThus, it’s hard to imagine why the club’s owner, Kent Lewis, genuinely felt the need to go on the reality show Mystery Diners and spy on his newly hired “social media expert” to validate his usefulness.  But, that’s exactly the premise of the “Behind the Eight Ball” episode, which aired in November 2014 as part of the series’ eighth season.  The episode is available for purchase on YouTube.

Mystery Diners is yet another undercover reality show (e.g., Undercover Boss; Restaurant Stakeout) that covertly monitors employees at work.  Airing on the Food Network and hosted by the wooden Charles Stiles, owner of Business Evaluation Services and Mystery Shopper Services, the series relishes the use of hidden cameras and microphones, and disguised actors, to learn first-hand what happens when the boss is away.

The series, which has about as much tension as Judge Judy, “has been accused of being both completely fake and scripted,” according to WaitWithUs.  “Several people claiming to be involved with both Stiles’ companies and restaurants that have been featured on the show have come forward and stated that not everything broadcast on the series is real.” [1] And, in fact, each episode ends with a graphic stating, “Certain events may have been re-enacted for dramatic purposes.”

All of which brings us back to the proprietor’s curious decision to appear on Mystery Diners.  As Mr. Lewis states, his challenge is trying to “change the perception of a pool hall,” as he cannot exactly “invest in marketing because upscale pool room is an oxymoron.”  So, he hires Sonny, a “social media expert” to bring in new customers, but he requires Mr. Stiles to evaluate the return on his social media investment.

This is a little hard to swallow for several reasons.  First, Uptown Billiards states prominently on their website: “We don’t pay advertisers or publicists to toot our horn, we believe in word-of-mouth.” Okay, not sure how that jibes with the decision to hire Sonny.  Then, there is the not-so-complicated question of how to evaluate a social media expert, besides through elaborate reality television reconnaissance.  How about Facebook likes? Instagram posts?   It took me 15 minutes on these various sites to conclude Uptown Billiards has little social media presence.  With 210 followers on Twitter (and that’s more than 2 years after the episode aired), I think it’s a safe call Sonny didn’t exactly excel at his job.

As the name suggests, Uptown Billiards not only has a mouth-watering menu, but also is home to 10 Brunswick pool tables: eight 4’x8’s and two tournament-sized in a private room.  Ultimately, Sonny is undone by the printing and distribution of coupons to his friends to use these tables for free, all of which is captured on tape rather unconvincingly.

Mystery DinersBut, that “gotcha!” moment is far more credible than the cornball – and clearly staged – reveal of Bri, the new bartender, not only playing pool while she’s working, but gambling too.  What’s more, Bri is apparently in cahoots with the drunkard she beat on the table.  The secret camera shows Bri lining up a pigeon to get hustled, pretending to pour liquor into the drunkard’s glass, and receiving a pay-off. As Mr. Lewis line-reads, “I grew up in a pool hall and I’ve known hustlers my whole life.  This [drunk guy at the table] is a hustler… [and Bri] is a shill…she’s the person who baits the person with the real money.”

Anyone who thinks this scene is real is probably deserving of a hustle.  Bri clearly cannot shoot pool, as evidenced by her stance and the producer’s inability to capture a decent unedited shot. The tosspot at the table playing air guitar with his cue stick looks too drunk to dupe anyone. And there’s no reason for Bri to receive a payoff after each game. The roping should be an all-night affair, with a payoff at the end.

Mystery Diners Sure enough, Bri is played by an actress, Bri Schreiber. The “Behind the Eight Ball” role is listed in on her website. Interestingly, her email includes the phrase “jimmistick,” which is a word for a sawed-off cue stick.  So, perhaps Ms. Schreiber does have some pool DNA in her?  And, more weirdly, her LinkedIn profile shows her as still working at Uptown Billiards…as a roulette dealer?!

In any event, regardless of the veracity of in “Behind the Eight Ball,” the episode seemed to have little impact on Uptown Billiards.  There were no noticeable spikes in social media followers and no online reviews citing the episode as a reason for visiting.  Even Mr. Lewis appears a little unenthused, judging from his Facebook post.  Maybe that’s because he’ll forever be haunted by his closing words, “Thank you Charles for helping me rack up these hustlers and put them behind the eight ball.”

[1]       Reality TV Fake! Food Network Show ‘Mystery Diners’ Caught Up In Scandal For Faking It

[Wanted!] Running Out

On the IMDB Message Board, there is only one comment associated with the billiards movie Running Out.  “IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND!!!” wrote thejollillama. Similar messages have popped up on the AZBilliards Forum, such as Cuebacca’s post, “What’s the deal with that pool movie, Running Out? I keep checking the internet periodically, but it never seems to become available.”

Running OutFancying myself somewhat of a Sherlock Holmes of billiards-themed cinema, I typically love these laments, as I’ve been able to track down quite a few hard-to-find films and television episodes (e.g., Genuine Article – “Puzzles and Pool Cues”; the Swedish short film Nine Ball; A Paradise Without Billiards).  However, after much research and numerous dead-end explorations, all detailed below, Running Out, like the near-mythical treasure chest of Forest Fenn or the golden owl La Chouette d’Or, remains out of reach, a billiards Bigfoot.  So I beseech my readers:  If you have any information about this movie or the whereabouts of the people involved in its creation, please contact me directly.

Let’s start with what we know.  In October 2001, the billiards movie Running Out released at the Riverside Film Festival, followed shortly after at the Inland Empire Film Festival, and then at the High Desert Film Festival.  Directed by Byron Cepek for an estimated budget of $50,000, the film focuses on three pool hustlers:  Cindy (an upcoming Hollywood starlet), Tanya (a strung-out addict who makes money as a dominatrix), and Rex (a sex addict).  The players interact and compete, living with the consequences of their actions, and the playing culminates with an ending that online reviewers described as “incredible,” “intense” and “hard to watch.”

As expected, the film is not available to buy or rent through any standard retail channels or file-sharing sites.  Sometimes festival organizers have access to old releases, but not in this case.  The High Desert Film Festival no longer exists, nor does the original Inland Empire Film Festival.  And the Riverside Film Festival, which recognized Running Out with its Best of Show award, only had files dating back to 2003, according to the event’s Film Programmer Nancy Douglas.

Having exhausted the festivals, I pivoted to the director. Unfortunately, Mr. Cepek only made this one film.  No other info is available on Google, Facebook, LinkedIn, etc.  While I found a Yahoo email for him in a response he made to a Google Group posting, the email bounced back immediately.

Eric James Niemi wrote the film and played the lead (Rex), though curiously, he has been removed from the IMDB Cast & Crew listing.   Apparently, Mr. Niemi studied film at California State University, Fullerton, with Professor Diane Ambruso. According to an article in The Daily Titan, Mr. Niemi had sold a script he had written in Professor Ambruso’s class to an Australian producer.[1]  When that deal fell through, Mr. Niemi revealed that he “started drinking and returned to playing pool for a living…and quickly fell into debt [from gambling].”[2] This confession seems to coincide with when he wrote and starred in Running Out.   Mr. Niemi’s story then takes an odd twist, in which he started selling bootleg copies of Adobe software to make money and protect his family from the loan sharks.  He was indicted in November, 2001.[3] No more information is available.

The other two film leads, Suzy and Tanya, were played by acting unknowns Sarah Davis and Vanessa Davis, respectively.  Sarah Davis never made another movie.  Vanessa Davis, on the other hand, stopped starring in films, and instead, turned to doing makeup and hair for movies.  Nominated for a Primetime Emmy in 2005 for her hairstyling work on Warm Springs, Vanessa may be able to shed light on the film’s mysterious history.  Unfortunately, she has been unresponsive to my attempts to reach her at the Atlanta phone number she lists at the top of her online resume.

Most of the remaining actors in Running Out were unknowns who never appeared in another film or who had very limited film careers.  There is some speculation that the Tony Watson who played Fat Tony may have been the North Carolina billiards player “Little” Tony Watson, though I’ve been unable to get confirmation.

As for the production companies associated with Running Out, both Reaction Machine LLC and Knight Pictures are no longer in business.   Mr. Niemi, who used the alias Eric Knight, was the likely owner of Knight Pictures.  Reaction Machine lists Erin Niemi, presumably a relative of Mr. Niemi’s, as the Managing Partner.  But, those companies’ dissolution coincides well with Mr. Niemi’s U-turn from screenwriting to software pirating.

I also hit an impasse when I started to sift through the technical and production team.  There is no available information after 2003 on the producer Katherine Shattuck, the composer Cody Tyler, or the film editor Jason Blackwell.  At the other end of the spectrum, David Eichhorn, the film’s dialogue editor, who has a filmography with 150 credits including three primetime Emmys and numerous Emmy nominations, told me via email that he couldn’t even remember working on Running Out.

The second unit director, Diego Martien, now goes by Diego Porqueras and is the President and CTO of Deezmaker, a California-based manufacturer of 3D printer kits. Mr. Porequeras promptly responded to my inquiry, but only to share that he “lost touch with the person that did [Running Out] and never really saw a cut on it. (It got a bit messy with production).” However, he did share with me a music video he made at that time to test certain concepts from the film.

Having run out of people associated with the film to contact, I considered tracking down the three user reviewers who graciously shared their thoughts on IMDB.  But, whiningfilmcritic has not posted since 2002, and hollyhills and rocker247 were one-and-done film critics.

Running Out may lack the recognition of The Player, a better-known “missing” billiards movie that has confounded billiards enthusiasts for more than 40 years.  But, if the recent discoveries of the Franklin Expedition Ship or the remains of the U-26 are proof that mysteries can take at least a century to solve, then there is a smidgeon of hope that time has not “run out” for finding this missing movie.

[1]      

[2]       http://misc.writing.screenplays.narkive.com/0ojQQtRC/eric-james-niemi-on-his-felony-conviction-please-read-this[Note: this link is no longer active]

[3]       https://www.justice.gov/archive/criminal/cybercrime/press-releases/2001/niemi_indict.htm

The Dick Van Dyke Show – “Hustling the Hustler”

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It is difficult to overstate the impact The Hustler had on the game of pool in the United States.  Released in October 1961, the movie saved the game of pool from “passing into oblivion,” according to pool historian Mike Shamos.[1]  The Billiards Congress of America noted that after the movie came out “new rooms opened all over the country and for the remainder of the 60’s pool flourished.”[2]

Hustlin' the HustlerThe cultural resonance of the film was also immense.  Since its release The Hustler has been referenced in dialogue or through imagery in more than 65 movies and television episodes, according to IMDB, including The Cincinnati Kid (1965); Wandering Ginza Butterfly (1972); The Odd Couple (1973); The Wanderers (1979); The Outsiders (1983); The Simpsons (1994); Trainspotting (1996); Poolhall Junkies (2002); Nip/Tuck (2007); and NCIS (2009), to name a few.

Certainly, one of the first cultural connections was The Dick Van Dyke Show episode, “Hustling the Hustler,” which aired just one year after the movie’s release, as part of the CBS sitcom’s second season. In fact, not only is the episode’s title a direct reference to the film, but also one of the characters in the episode mentions he’s seen “that movie with Paul Newman and Jackie Gleason.”

As ‘60s television viewers will recall, The Dick Van Dyke Show ran for five seasons, garnering 15 Emmy Awards.  Starring Dick Van Dyke as Rob Petrie, the head writer of the fictitious The Alan Brady Show, the series largely revolved around his work and home life. The series also starred Morey Amsterdam as Rob’s co-writer Buddy Sorrell and Mary Tyler Moore as Rob’s wife Laura.

Hustlin' the HustlerIn the episode “Hustling the Hustler,” Rob invites Buddy’s estranged yet charming brother Blackie (Phil Leeds) to his house for dinner and a friendly game of billiards in the Petrie household basement.  But, Rob is unaware of Blackie’s pool hustling background, which had been established in an earlier strained exchange between Buddy and Blackie.

According to Rob, Laura gave him the pool table to “keep him off the streets.”  Referring to her husband, Laura then warns Blackie (in another direct reference to The Hustler), “[Rob] is a real hustler. You’ve heard of Minnesota Fats. This is Illinois Skinny.”[3] Rob also jibes, “I’ll let my pool cue speak for me. This way, pigeon.”

Given the episode’s title, there’s no surprise how the game will unfold.  As part of the upfront setup, Blackie plays the pool-fool, commenting on the “nice white ball” and guessing that chalking the cue helps reduce friction.  Blackie then asks Rob if he’s a hustler, and Rob replies, “No, but I could have been.  My wife won’t let me go to pool halls alone.”

Blackie then breaks, feigning unfamiliarity with the term “break” as well as with how to hold a cue.  With some coaching from Rob, he successfully breaks, only to sink the 8-ball.  (This scene, unfortunately, has two fundamental errors.  First, it’s clear that assuming the balls were racked correctly, it was not the 8-ball that got pocketed. And second, Rob indicates that sinking the 8-ball on the break is an automatic loss, which is not accurate, per BCA rules.)

Rob wins a few and goes up 5-1, but ultimately, lets his overconfidence become his undoing, as he quickly amasses a $300 debt (equivalent to $2400 in 2016) to Blackie.  The humor from the episode comes in watching Rob’s physical transformation.  As one blogger noted, “the moment when Rob realizes what he’s gotten himself into offers yet another chance for [Dick Van Dyke] one of the masters of facial comedy to provide us with a pitch-perfect comic expression.”[4]

Of course, since The Dick Van Dyke Show was largely wholesome storytelling, the episode cannot end with Rob getting fleeced. Rather, Blackie tears up the $300 check to prove to his estranged brother that he is no longer the pool hustler he once was.

The full “Hustling the Hustler” episode is available to watch here.

[1]       http://www.espn.com/page2/s/closer/020617.html

[2]       A Brief History of the Noble Game of Billiards by Mike Shamos 

[3]       “Hustling the Hustler” would not be the last show to provide a comic twist on the name of Walter Tevis’ fictitious pool shark Minnesota Fats.  In the 1970 “Armando and the Pool Table” episode of The Flying Nun, the Minnesota Fats of San Tanco plays the “Minneapolis Skinny of the Convent.”  And, in 1971, Don Adams played Skittle Pool against “Wisconsin Skinny” in a memorable commercial for the toy game.

[4]  

Three Card Monte

Three Card Monte.v2Three Card Monte barely counts as a billiards movie.  But in oeuvre with very limited Canadian representation (i.e., The Understudy: Graveyard Shift II; Behind the Eight Ball; Manitoba Sharks; Hiccups – “Car Pool”), the decision to relax the definition for a little more inclusion from the Great White North seemed straightforward.  Unfortunately, the fact the film is also barely watchable has now led to some second-guessing on my end.

Released in 1978 at the Toronto Film Festival, Three Card Monte tells the story of Busher (Richard Gabourie), a gambling drifter, who begrudgingly allows Toby (Chris Langevin), a 12-year old orphan, to accompany him in his hustling and flimflammery, and builds a close relationship with him in the process.

Directed by Les Rose (Gas; Hog Wild – never heard of them?  Neither had I.), shabbily written by Mr. Gabourie, and starring a pack of unknowns and amateurs, the movie limps along across a too well-tread path of familiar tropes and clichéd two-dimensional characters.   There are two half-witted grease monkeys who chase Busher around Toronto seeking revenge for getting scammed in pool; a gaggle of equally dull-brained craps players who fail to notice Busher is playing with loaded dice; a loose hitchhiker who sleeps with Busher but is pulling her own con; and a well-intentioned hitchhiking friend who eats Twinkies and unwittingly lets a 12-year-old feel her up (?!). And, then there is Busher, who, for all his negative tendencies (e.g., lying, conning, hustling, thieving, drinking, having sex in front of a minor, kidnapping a minor, etc.), is portrayed as a genuinely good-natured guy, just trying to gain a little edge and get back on his feet.

Credibility is not the film’s calling card.

A cardinal problem with Three Card Monte is the complete lack of originality.  The film feels like a mishmash of – or maybe a paean to – superior works about the grift, specifically the movie Paper Moon (1973) and the book Billy Phelan’s Greatest Game (1978).  In Paper Moon, Ryan O’Neal stars as a Depression Era con-man who develops a partnership with a girl (Tatum O’Neal), who may be his daughter. The film had multiple Oscar nominations and won Ms. O’Neal a Supporting Oscar.  In Billy Phelan, the future Pulitzer Prize winning author William Kennedy tells the story of a young pool player and hustler who lives on the edge, making a living in Albany pool halls and card parlors.

(For what it’s worth, Mr. Gabourie won the Canadian Film Award – aka the Etrog – for Best Actor in Three Card Monte. That’s hard to believe until one is reminded by film critic Jay Smith that this particular award is “given by presenters no one knew, to recipients no one recognized, to films no one had seen.”)

Three Card MonteAs for the billiards, Three Card Monte begins on a promising note.  Busher enters a snooker hall and begins practicing on a table.  For viewers accustomed to seeing American pool on the big screen, the snooker table looms large and it’s a welcome reminder how different the game is.  Soon, two local bozos think they can make a buck off Busher and challenge him to a game.  They quickly lose their money, then their car keys, in a rapidly edited snooker sequence, consisting mainly of potted balls.  Tempers rise as Busher leaves, and the players vow revenge (though it was not clear if they were hustled or simply sucked and lost).

That opening scene sets up the whole film, as Toby allies himself with Busher (by racking his balls), and Busher (along with the voluntarily abducted Toby) goes on the lam to escape his post-snooker hustling fate. Unfortunately, though Busher is frequently carrying his cue stick and seems to be looking for his next sucker match, there is no more billiards; the subsequent hustles shift to craps and finally three card monte.  So much for that “hot cue” notably highlighted in the movie’s tagline.